My Journey from Head to Heart!!

Of Recipes, Books, Indian Rail & Music...

2010-09-04T20:44:00.016+05:30

So, here’s the thing...I got my bike completely hassle free; dent free & on time as promised so all kudos to Indian Railways. Apparently they charge Rs.10 per hour as late charges for every hour they keep your stuff stashed. (They did extort Rs. 50 in the name of sundry expenses going to sundry people, but that’s ok as long as they delivered on the contract, which they did). It felt a lil weird for a day driving my bike back in the evening, as I have done it so many times 2000 km’s away in south India but suddenly the landscape has changed, the climate has changed & the people have changed around my bike & me. It’s nice to just drive around aimlessly & discover new things in ones old city. The roads are wider and and so much greenery.

Parents have left me alone at home to look after myself & I must say I take very good care of the house, which is to say it’s not robbed or burnt down or got pest infested, yet! I am in charge of cooking my own food. My potato dish is world famous in Chennai, however I had never prepared daal & chawal before because getting the right mix of water & pulses is frankly quite intimidating. So caught between the risk of high pitta precipitated by no food at home & laziness to go out and eat, I called mom and skillfully extracted the secret blend of daal & rice for 1 person and quantity of water for that.

And boy was it amazing! I almost felt sorry for being the only one to have the good providence of savoring the delicacy from the kitchens of paradise! I am the new master of delicious daal, chawal & of my favorite vegetable in the universe, the aloo!

There is a brand spanking new CCD near my home and the ambiance is great. It’s nice to lounge there sometimes with Spinach & Corn sandwich, café latte, my laptop and Wi-Fi. And oh yeah, it’s adjacent to girls dental college! :)

I completed the book Eat Pray Love which is now also a movie starring Julia Roberts. It’s true story of a woman who, to find peace, wisdom, happiness & herself devotes a year travelling to Italy (eat), to India (pray) & Indonesia (love or to find balance). The part in Italy wants you to break into impromptu Italian & gallivant in the lanes of Italy to devour those delicious juicy Pizzas hand tossed in wood burning ovens, although a lot of non-veg dishes are mentioned needlessly. The ashram life in India is so familiar & the meditation experiences so real. Overall the book reads well, esp. the parts in Italy & Indian ashram & as a travel book.

I am also revisiting The West Wing series. It’s based on a fictional white house with real life issues. It’s one of the most powerful things on TV you will ever watch. It almost runs like a fast paced movie. It’s quick, profoundly intelligent & wildly entertaining. Most of all it’s a fascinating sketch on friendship, character & leadership skills. Martin Sheen is phenomenally brilliant as the president of the United States & so are the others on the staff.

During one of my many journeys this year I was waiting on a railway platform & was bored out of my wits. Add to it my train was running late, air was hot & humid & the platform was not exactly the shining illustration of cleanliness by Indian railways. I was beginning to get irritated & that’s when I plugged in my Creative Zen (fitting name, right!) MP4 player & out of nowhere everything shifts. The air instantly seemed cool, the unruly passengers like extended family & I felt at home on that platform with tom & jerry running around. I think so is the case in our lives. Outside is just the scenery, what matters most is what’s inside. You change the music inside & the movie outside changes!

So long Chennai...

2010-08-25T21:07:00.003+05:30

“Man's feelings are always purest and most glowing in the hour of meeting and of farewell.”

It was for a vacation in the Millennium year when I first arrived in Chennai- the land of thousands of coconut trees, heaps of rice and white dhoti clad ebony hued souls!

It’s been 5 years since my return and it’s time now to say until we meet again.. :)

I really think if one truly wants to take a vacation, disconnect from life as one knows it day in and day out, one should consider a territory where even the bill-boards & address outside shops also seems to have been written in some alien dialect lost to humanity a few hundred years ago. For me, it was like that, when I came here.

I had not come back here for a vacation. My bro-in-law, Sister & cutest lil niece are here, and I ambled here to work. My 1st job, for 3 wonderful years, was in a GPS telecommunications company at Tidel park.

Just by the virtue of staying in Chennai I have become a licensed haggler of expert category. My heart is filled with gratitude towards all the auto drivers without whom this achievement would not have been possible. I dedicate this honor to all of them who would almost always quote double fare reckoning me to be a bakra fresh from some far flung corner of the universe unaware of the ways things work in the auto-rickshaw realm!

First thing that struck me about Chennai was I could be lost in my dreamland, amidst chaos.

Even if someone abused me in Tamil I would often misconstrue it as sweet nothings and move on. And since I am not expected to know the language I wasn’t expected to retort thus the rules of engagement were not in play and my innate Machismo would remain untainted! :). However my attempts to eves drop in a public transport on animated discussions between various unsuspecting couple revealed nothing. A minor disadvantage one may argue, but then I get to save my mind from unnecessary gossip!

Masala dosa(i?) had always been my favorite. In our house (as in other North Indian homes) it would be a special day when mom made dosas (Sunday special etc) and I’d eat no less than 6-8 of them. And it won’t be plain masala dosa with podi as it is common here. It is rich Masala Dosa, made from batter prepared at home, with two kinds of chutneys and full on sambhar. It’s sufficient to say I had truck loads of my share of Dosas here! :).

Although I had quite a culture shock initially when I encountered people licking curd and/or rice of their fingers, palms, wrists, elbows even in posh restaurants…as if they were dining privately in their bathrooms! But I’ll surely miss unlimited meals (especially Andhra meals)! Hopefully the Madras Cafes over there have it on their menus.

I am a witness to some of Chennai’s significant events like unveiling of Kathipada flyover, beautification of the Tidal Park (my erstwhile office) road, swanky new malls, Rajni/Vijay crazy fans on the first day first show, Tsunami, new A/C buses, unearthly heat, humidity & hurricanes!

I can go on and on about Chennai: it’s beautiful Temples, thousands of Coconut trees, amazing ECR road drives, early morning fragrance of flowers, chandan, ash & Vada-coffee at the bus stop, the trademark drum beats music, fresh rangolis in front of every home in the morning & evening, men with vibhuti adorned forehead & women with colorful saris and gajras, sunset, sunrise, dips & meditations at the beach, ...these are just some of the truly beautiful things native only to South India.

“Nothing makes the earth seem so spacious as to have friends at a distance; they make the latitudes and longitudes.”

I learnt life’s big & important lessons here: Got my heart broken to the extent that I was convinced it was beyond repair..Had my first experience of Smirnoff Vodka & Wills Navy cut…wrestled with the overwhelming thoughts of suicide on one hand and a raging desire to be a terrorist on the other. I remember working nonstop for 15 hours for weeks and yet unsuccessful in any sleep or peace. The deafening noise in my head was so much that I literally could not hear what I was thinking. The absolute agony of being in love. I fought & walked out of my home one midnight, only to discover who my real friends were & understand the importance of a family.

And I remember my first long kriya, the nonstop tears of gratitude next morning listening to Radhe-2 mann boley by Vikram Bhaiya…Experienced so much love that cannot be contained in my heart and it literally would spill out in tears of gratitude. I discovered there is so much more to me & there is so much more to life! I felt peace, belongingness, contentment, longing which I had never felt before. I learnt how to care immensely and without any expectations, to smile & serve when one is sad is the best way to come out of it & the sense of what and whom to hold on to & what to let go. Above all I learnt the most about love, pain, emotions & grace.

The cup of consciousness and life is much deeper & stronger now.

The best thing is, last month while doing the 7 days Guru Purnima advance course in ashram I had the realization that I had literally nothing left to be sad about! I couldn’t imagine anybody I should hate & I couldn't think anyone as my enemy! And what an absolutely magical feeling that is and quite a leap from when I used to go for advance courses with my dil ke tukde :)

On the 1st day of my 1st Yes!+ I read this quote by Guruji on a huge banner hung in AGN - “When a bud breaks, it becomes a flower & when heart breaks, it becomes divine!”. It didn’t make any sense for a long time. I finally did understand what Guruji meant. J

Romba Nandri Chennai J. Until we meet again…

“May the road rise up to meet you, may the wind be ever at your back. May the sun shine warm upon your face and the rain fall softly on your fields. And until we meet again, May God hold you in the hollow of his hand.”

“Distance never separates two hearts that really care, for our memories span the miles and in seconds we are there.”

Mangoes, Mumbai Locals & Extra Cheese!!!

2010-04-11T01:37:00.001+05:30

Do read up part 1 of Amchi Mumbai chronicles.

So, with some sadistic quirk of fate I was left alone with Bau at Anjana Di’s home one lazy afternoon and unable to figure the right thing (or anything) to say I sank my head in my Laptop, when Bau asked about my Mumbai trip!. Like a little boy caught staring at a girl, I shared my learning's (minus the girls part of course, although now he knows that too!) about talks, Yes!+ etc and then we hit upon one of the passions which is very close to both our hearts (well closer to our stomach really) - FOOD! Well, for me eating and for him cooking and of course eating and experimenting! :)

As Bau says (and I agree) Mumbai is the food capital of the world. One has infinite options ranging from Rs. 5 to 500 Rs. Chat itself has so many choices – all with extra dollops of Butter or Cheese. The markets, spaces outside station are rendered so colorful owing to the presence of all the chat stalls. Double Roti, Vada Paav, Ice Bhel, flavored lassi, Ice Sev Poori, Jal Jeera, Gola, Paav Bhaji, Chaas – and these are just road side vendors. Things get all the more interesting when one enters an up market joint. For instance best sizzlers (Omg Yummylicious) in Pop Tates, best Punjabi food in Urban Tadka, Best of Rajasthani-Gujarati cuisine in Rajdhani and so on. Bhel poori is freely accessible at all local stations! And then there was Pastas’ by Di! And Gujarati food – Dhokla, Oondhiya, Patra, Kadhi, Thepla, Khandvi etc etc. There were more varieties of Dosas then I have seen in Chennai! Cheese dosa, pav bhaji dosa, Spinach Dosa, double roti dosa etc etc.

But to top it all – Mangoes!

There’s a special Mango called Payri. I kid you not we ate (drank!?) it’s soup, clear Mango soup in a bowl complete with a Soup spoon! And it was insanely rich, thick, creamy and sinfully delicious!

To everyone's shock & ridicule I was not a big fan of Mangoes (give me Grapes, Kiwi, Strawberries or even Bananas), mango for me was just too messy a deal. But people are chillingly cuckoo about the stupid fruit! And some of it rubbed on me too by the time I left Mumbai. I am proud to say that I am a Mango convert now! :). Btw mangoes at that time were like 1000 Rs. per Kg. Now that is just the recipe for disaster – ungodly heat, crazy mango fanatics with out of reach mangoes!!!

By this time I was becoming increasingly notorious for desiring (even longing for) and hogging food!. It is actually nice once everyone accepts the fact that you are a total gone case, it becomes easy to be oneself. :)

In Mumbai people age, have babies, consume (and digest) food, finish semester exams, propose (to girls/clients/guys), get married & divorced, complete World of Warcraft, by heart Encyclopedia Britannica, all from a car/bike at traffic signals!

The lucky (and smart) ones take Mumbai locals! It’s literally the backbone of Mumbai, an amazing mode of commute, carries 7 million passengers everyday, arrives every few seconds and departs even before you can crack open a Peanut (groundnut!?) shell!

And one has a very high probability of falling in Love whilst on them! Imagine you are with the girl/boy of your dreams – in a Mumbai local. No place to stand, 3 unknown pair of hands find refuge in 1 hand rest, being pushed from all 10 directions – one is left with no other choice but to act all manly to protect the lady love from the pesky passengers. And amidst all this chaos, in ever so decreasing space between each other, the time stops when their eyes meet, hands touch, strands of locks flutter about, the body odor gets entangled with each other, one overhears ‘tujhe dekha to yeh jaana sanammmm...’ blaring from neighbor dudes Radio – and then happens the chemical reaction of Love! :). It’s kind of sweet really to see a girl in guy’s compartment, with another dude, getting all cozy up. Btw this is just one of the many examples of male tolerance. No woman would let even a toenail of a man in a women’s compartment! :)

One learns belongingness, dispassion and surrender while travelling in locals. Just have to stand near the gate and one will either be escorted outside or carried inside (almost always the opposite of where you wanna be) by equally dispassionate passengers . And doesn’t matter where you are going, it will take at least an hour to get there. And this time would be utilized by talking to people about the course! Specially amazed was I, when these girls with me went about talking to passengers on different seats, as if they were loitering in an orchard picking Apples.

I got lost twice in the maze of trains, but found my way soon enough to make it for the college talks running on the IST time. :). It’s really special to ride the local when the sun is setting on the parallel track! I remember feeling so happy and peaceful amidst all the chaos & sea of humanity at sundown and also so belonged and Indian! :). Only in India you can push or shove or glare or mumble at somebody and then confirm the details of next station or time or cricket score from the same person after 25 seconds. :)

So after travelling 100s of Kilometers, talking to 100’s of youths and eating awesome food everyday, we were closing on to the day when I was going to be the part of the biggest Yes!+ of my life and the course which raised the bar a lot more....!

Amchi Mumbai - 1!!!

2010-04-07T19:36:00.002+05:30

Mumbai truly rocks! I arrived in Mumbai on Holi. No sooner than I landed here, much to my protest I was colored all over in hitherto unknown new hues, doing a rain dance to the tunes of a DJ for hours! Rain dance on Holi is esp.. a lot of fun. People waste much more water by just having a non-veg diet, so a rain dance in contrast, is harmless fun. :)

And boy, do girls know how to have fun! They just dance n dance and keep inventing steps along the way, until lured away with promise of a Thandai! Speaking of girls, Mumbai girls are oh my god! :) Even an ordinary girl looks so gorgeous. They can carry themselves with such careless beauty. :)

I came to Mumbai to work for and learn from the 1,00,008 Yes!+ mega course with none other than Bawa and Dinesh Bhaiya themselves. After scrubbing off all the color and having a sumptuous wholesome Gujarati meal (courtesy Anjana di’s mom) we went out for campaigning in the evening on the streets of Mulund, near Anjana di’s home, where I was staying. It was a very nice learning experience.

So far, I was comfortable only with organized HIT’s and college/hostel intro talks, talking to random people wasn’t my style. :) So, initially in random talks I would be the concluding voice in a group of two. Special fun were talks in Mumbai locals. :) Mumbai volunteers are also very committed and chilled out at the same time. As a committed volunteer they took personal ownership and responsibility of the course, took initiatives to arrange talks in there colleges and there was no need for follow up for tasks agreed upon.

The course was initially supposed to be for 1 lakh youth. The target was revised to 1008 people as there were exams or IV’s in most of the colleges. 1 lakh course will now happen in 2011, with a vision of having 10,00,008 youths doing the course by 2012 end. The reason behind such an ambitious vision was the spate of sudden youth suicides in Mumbai and Pune. We have the answer which is very effective, practical and fun at the same time – Yes!+.

Anyway, we went out on the streets talking to people and putting up really creative posters created specially for this course. I spoke to this girl working for Hindustan Times and smoking her lungs away. When asked if she has heard of Art of living, she responded ‘yeah not much but I know all this is sham’. I embarrassed her by concluding that even I smoked but now I have a better alternative for time pass/stress release which gives a better kick and does not leaves a bad taste in the mouth. :) Cute girl though, with a nose ring and perfect smile, 1 cigarette ruined it all for me though. :)

This was the time of annual cultural fest for most of the colleges. Some of us also indulged in them – Tanvi Di n Mayuri (after a lot of drama :)) did rappelling. College talks were very effective. For the 1st time 12 and more people would register on the spot!

Another good work of innovation was the cool n colorful visiting card size brochures/pamphlets with all the follow up details which were handed out after a talk. It worked very well, when we present the course and they have an option to research more after going home. I realized that Bessy beach talks never worked because we expected people to register on the spot.

I was also missing Tuffy (my dog) here. 2nd day in Mumbai we had a satsang in this very beautiful bungalow of Piyush bhai (Yes!+ teacher). He has a huge dog – Sonu. Huge but very calm, furry n cute dog. It was so much fun to play with him. :)

Two most important things in Mumbai – Travel and Food! and the course itself which redefined Yes!+ : )…

I am the most famous dialogue of Terminator-2!

2010-03-27T10:38:00.001+05:30

Wow! There was a time when I used to post twice in a day and now it has almost been a year without a single post. Most of my posts were typed during work hours (with nothing better or interesting to do : ). I remember having this urge to sort out life and it’s complicated questions at times when I was getting paid to do something else, like my job :). Also, with Facebook one can just ‘Micro blog’ – capsulate events of the day, state of the mind etc all in 4-5 lines. However, blogging helps one to understand, convey, unravel, improve, opine, reach out, raise issues, debate – which FB doesn’t.

I started blogging to make sense and articulate all that was going in my head or all that was baffling or wonderful in life. I was under the impression that after I bought my own laptop I would write more. It’s the same logic we apply while buying TV or cable that we’ll watch only News or Discovery or Cricket but soon all we watch is anything but all of the above. Reminds me of an incidence happened long back. i used to be pretty good with quizzes and current affairs. My cousins logic was ‘everyone who has a cable TV can be smart as they get Discovery etc, I’ll also know all answers when cable comes to my home”. I had cable. However when they got cable all they’d watch is MTV! The point being one can have anything and everything at hand but what one chooses to do with it matters. As Bau says mere knowing that buying shares of Reliance Inc. will make you richer is not going to make anyone rich. One has to act on that knowledge, buy-hold-sell the shares to get rich.

So, there is much to write, lots to remember, ample to articulate as life has been quite a ride lately, a lot smoother than before although, all thanks to Yes!+ and all that encompasses it. :) I think I’ll begin with the latest and track back with no particular chronological order. :) So I am in Aamchi Mumbai now…

Interconnected!

2009-04-20T16:31:00.003+05:30

Shravan, Manan aur Nitibhyaasa

Shravan is learning, listening, imbibing, absorbing knowledge; Manan is remembering it again and again; nitibhyasa is practicing it until it becomes ones nature.

So for eg., when one wonders how is a person going back to their previous habits and patterns one of the above is missing. Shravan is knowing the knowledge, learning it from a master, listening to it (not just hearing) - this is what we do sitting in yes!+ or advance courses. This needs to be done 100%, like if you do not know the song how can you remember it and sing it again and again. That is also why the more you sit in such energy doing more courses the more ingrained the knowledge becomes.

Then comes manan. If one looses awareness and gets angry then one has forgotten the knowledge, in that moment. Instead of then getting angrier on getting angry, or becoming sad on becoming sad or becoming more mad at becoming mad, what is required is remembering the knowledge, again and again, punah punah.

When this is practiced 1) Everyday, 2) Without a gap, 3) For a long time and 4) with honor and respect that is called nitibhyaasa, until it becomes one’s DNA, the very nature.

Malcolm Gladwell’s says in his latest book - Outliers that as per the research done on what makes an extraordinary genius or success, there was one common factor which stood out - 10,000 hours. All highly and extraordinarily successful people have practiced and practiced there craft for at least min. of 10,000 hours to become the best. So, it’s just the matter of clocking hours. If you are learning Guitar and are not playing well, it is guaranteed that if you reach the magic figure of 10k you’ll learn how to play well. Same applies to intro talks, or getting that girl or a guy of your dreams - just a matter of clocking in that many hours!

Although our current government has completed way more than 10,000 hours to get there act together and do at least one sensible thing for the people who made the blunder of bringing them into power the last time. It is time to throw them out. Out of the many complete blunders just take 3 to consider throwing out this government - 1) The day of Mumbai bomb blasts, 1500 crores were given to terrorists, the logic being they have a family too and they need to be taken care of too. Same figure was given to Afghanistan, I guess stating ‘good good train the hooligans better there so that they can carry out even more dastardly acts on their next mission in India.’ Rs. 50,000 crores were gifted to Harvard and Cornell, as if our education system has perfected itself and we are exceeding the literacy standards of our continent. 50,000 crores are simply missing from the govt. a/c’s. No explanation given. Madarsas will be given CBSE status now, as if the knowledge given there is so complete in it - they are still taught earth is flat - such people will be certified now to get jobs in govt. I shudder to think what kind of policies such narrow minded thinkers will roll out. The vote bank politics need to stop.

The main agenda of Congress and Sharad Pawar in Mumbai is to bring the Genetically Modified foods to India! That is there main agenda, not education, not electricity or water, not security. And there so called experts say that it is good for India! Why? Because the text book says so. Because GM BT Brinjal kills an insect found in Organically produced Brinjals. Well, tell me what are the side effects before I consume this god send Brinjal? They don’t know. If the GM foods are so good why are they not welcome in Europe? In US at least the GM foods have a label categorizing them as such. In India there is no such law also. So, you will never know which chemical are you savoring. Why? Coz government gets loads of money, so people can go to hell. The technology which is unacceptable in US and UK is welcome in India by this government. It took us 50 years to learn how bad the plastic is for us. Imagine in a decade if we learn the same about food which we will be directly consuming.

That’s the reason, we the youth, needs to be aware of issues and events that effect us now and will more so in the future. And we need to make others aware too. Just knowing will not do now, teach, debate, spread the light.

For instance did you know why (a+b)2 = a2+b2+2ab? Here’s why… :-)

P.S :This post is from the last Yes!+ Utsav with Rashmin & Dinesh Bhaiya and Bawa in Bangalore.

The Best New Year Ever!!! - 2

2009-01-11T03:22:00.018+05:30

Continued from Part 1 below.
If 1 not read, Scroll down to the next post to read part 1 first...

Next day campus cleaning Seva. I saw to it that the left side of the campus from VM steps toc Divine services was spanking clean. Until glides in Miss Indrani with that famous cat (Elephant?) walk and casually drops few Green bombs on the ground and ambles away coolly as if that‘s exactly the place to go about her daily let go business. I remembered Dinesh bhaiya’s story of cleaning cow dung in his own advance course. Summoning up the Lion and his Valor within me, with the nerves of Stainless Steel I march towards that mountain and stop dead in my tracks as it’s emanating fragrance hits my nose. I mentally say ‘Sorry Dinesh bhaiya, not this time.’ Irony was that my nose would block only the next day and it continues to be that way till today! Anyway that ‘thing’ was at the right side of the campus, so I convince myself that I did not follow my feelings over my commitments. And hurriedly, before any logic can prevail, had my hands busy so that heart becomes full and mind becomes empty.

I so fell in love with my pretty feet and my green floaters during the course. As they were pretty much the only thing I laid my eyes on during the course. Fortunately I had exhausted my Chappal Karma during my earlier visits to the ashram, so I had to return with my own footwear which I originally came with rather than resorting to flicking someone else‘s. A pretty odd feeling, I must admit.

By the end of silence I had pretty much memorized all the songs from Rab ne Bana di…, Ghajini & Chandni Chowk…, as they would invariably pop up at the best of times, without warning. Like when I am trying to find the tip of my nostril and suddenly I see Asin‘s nose instead of mine, which makes it even more difficult as she would always be dancing about. Had it been SRK’s nose, it would have been no problem. He has a lot of it! And for comic relief Russell Peters was readily available, effect of watching his videos enroute from Chennai to Bangalore. ‘Your mothers’ so fat…‘ and so he goes in Chinese accent. And with eyes closed, my smile widens, as I come back to the source.

From the 2nd day onwards I felt so Blessed! Like a weight lifted. As Guruji says that out of 100 only 10 begin the journey and only few reach, I felt like those lucky few among the 1000+ of us.

Most importantly this Yes++ filled me up to the brim with Gratitude…towards everything and everyone. I am grateful to all my teachers - esp. to Jaideep Chandra sir (my Accounts and Economics teacher in 11th standard) - sir if you happen to read this, if not for you I would have not been inspired to complete school and work to score cool marks in 12th, to my English teacher (Ma’am, if not for your beauty and my desire to impress you I would have been speaking English like Lallu, which sometimes I do anyway), to my Parents, to my Yes!+ teachers Rajesh ‘Mayla’ K. Bhaiya, Kavi Di, Anjana di, Upasana Di, Rashmin Bhaiya and of course Bau n Dinu Bhaiya, to my volunteer friends in Chennai (each one of you have showed me a way to do things and also a way not to do things, just by being who you are, although you may never know when and how J), to the driver of the Chennai-Bangalore Train and so far back and fwd.

I feel grateful for every ‘bad’ thing that ever happened to me and any body who ever broke my trust and heart and caused hurt to me. Looking back, If I connect the dots now, If not for those events or people, I probably would not have been here. I am also grateful to that Kitchen nut, the roommates (out of 1000+ people they were particularly put there by Mr. G for a purpose), to all the other participants for enhancing my experience through there silence, to the Uncle who took care of our Chappals, to the unseen…

And to that special someone without whom I probably would not have continued on this path and also without whom I would not have seen such darkness and misery and anger and hatred or experience such Bliss and Love and Longing and Knowledge. You know who you are and If you happen to read this, I miss you and I Bless you. Wish you can become as sweet as you were before and we closer than before. Wish that all the ego and arrogance and bitterness can be just melted away to make way for more sweeteness and care and warmth we have hsared before.

The best thing is, finally, oh-so-excruciatingly, this Yes++ slowly turned my Love into Longing, the desire of Getting Something into Intention of Giving, frustration of waiting into meditation. To Guruji for showing me the way again and again and not giving up on me and to not let my Love complete so that it gains more depth and thus adds more meaning to my life. Lots more to learn and miles to walk before I sleep…

In 2009 I pray that I continue being grateful and not lean towards the demonic tendency of blaming and Give without Expectations and Love without Expectations and become more Mature in Love and Understand with Centeredness and to Serve with Sattva and be Happy with Awareness and Celebrate by being Useful and Spread Light and Joy and Knowledge and Belonging.

And that’s what I want for the World too.

Only thing is this sense of Void that I am feeling, which turns into sadness and loneliness and prayerfulness…I pray with gratitude that I can learn something from it too and do lots of Seva and bring more and more youths to advance courses and such profound Knowledge...

Loka Samasta Sukhino Bhavantu!

The Best New Year Ever!!! - 1

2009-01-11T02:59:00.005+05:30

Amazing, Awesome, Super-Duper, Jhakaas, Fantabulous, Mast, Fundoo, 2 Gooood, Mind Blowing, out of the Universe…out of adjectives to express this Yes!+ Winter Break‘08!!! The best Ever! YAAYY!!!

This was my 8th Advance course and I could not have imagined it to be any grander!!! Lots of nagging doubts cleared up and added lots of meaning to life.

The detailed life story of Dinesh bhaiya (which he finally shared after so many years, upon much coercion of course), Bau’s way of reading Questions more than his witty answers, Vikram Bhaiya’s Divine voice and rocking Satsangs (esp. the second song he sang on the 1st day “what does Love needs (asks?) - It‘s Everything…’had me in tears), the Guru Puja and Vikram Bhaiya serenading us with ‘Phoolon ke Rang se’ welcoming new year, the hair raising experiences by other participants‘, Padmasadhanas…What else is needed in life!

The extended Silence was very interesting! Observing so many Girls in silence together, at one place, for so many days is always lot of fun. By the end of each day they are just bursting with tall tales to tell to anyone in sight, doesn‘t matter if they know you or not, doesn‘t matter if you are a he or she or it. To gossip and well to just do what they love the most - YAP! And they so do, after the silence is over. Making one miss the silence so much! Oh, the opposite values are indeed complementary.

And those early morning cold water (and sometimes no water) baths. My roommates in Khoday’s were so precious. One would wake up as soon as the Alarm in MY Cell goes off and before I can finish yawning and cat stretching, he would have already begun applying Soap and Shampoo and pretty much bolted the bathroom door for the next 50 minutes. Being in silence and in knowledge I can neither bang on the door nor curse him. I can only stomp on his white Kurta (which I didn’t, as good as I am). So I am reduced to practicing the locks on myself with extra awareness and avoiding a different kind of ‘letting go’ situation. Wandering into the corridors looking for an available bathroom of other unsuspecting guys in my wing (much to their astonishment), without looking in anyone‘s eyes. One can do anything in Silence! Thanks to the other roommate who would be blissfully snoring his way to glory to give me enough time in the bathroom. It was a wonder to me how he even made for the morning Sadhanas everyday, on time! Kitchen Seva was particularly interesting.

Watching the Roti maker Gadget is a Meditation in itself. I thought of recording the entire action, from start to finish and overlaying Guruji’s voice on top it and come up with a guided meditation - Blossoming with the Roti’s or the Round Roti Meditation or the ‘Pancha Chapathi Meditation‘. Anyway, somehow this time around I was able to resist the charms of the Roti maker and lumber on to other parts of the magical land of the Kitchen.

Wondering what seva will suit my talents there, I find three otherwise intelligent people holding on to 1 tiny Potato trying to figure out which end to be peeled by whom. I immediately decide I want to do some heavy, macho stuff - lifting and moving things - no delicate cutting and peeling business would satisfy me. Suddenly a tub full of Mint leaves waiting to be washed., manifests itself. Ahem, always nice to have Minty fresh fingers while indulging in Naadi Shodhan Pranayama.

But before I can act on my intentions and move even a step closer to that bright orange Tub with Green Mints, in my white Kurta, feeling quite patriotic on the color scheme, 3 Seva warriors mysteriously appear out of thin air and almost dive in that tub with there full commitment for some hardcore world changing Leaf washing Seva. Reduced to tend to a corner of the tub with few ends of Mint leaves on my command, I get down to the task. One over -enthusiastic nut drops a plastic crate on my Pinky Toe and suddenly the long-forgotten Pinky Toe becomes the most important part of the whole body - full with wonderful sensations that can put Meditation in Motion to shame. Although I am sure a dog would have heard my Supersonic scream, no voice came out from my Hollow and Empty Diaphragm. For a moment I had almost picked up that huge Sword like Ladle and whacked it on that nut’s head! Better sense prevailed, knowledge took over - Accept people as they are. Deep Breaths in & out!!!

Returning to the inevitable Present moment I begin concentrating on the leaves and their fragrance and as I start giving my 100%, the Over eager nut springs to life again - this time with a fully charged water pipe! Washes one tiny excuse of a lady finger with full pressure water pipe and just plonks the pipe on the floor and prances away, allowing the Pipe to dance to water’s tunes. And danced it did - on my face and clothes. ARRRRGGGHHH!!! Dinesh Bhaiya’s voice gently wafted from somewhere in my sub-conscious mind - ‘Let Goooooo‘. ‘Surrrender‘. ‘Observing the sensations is Meditation.’ OKAYYYY Bhaiya! And from then on I did pretty much opposite of what that extra charged nut demanded. Was lot of fun, not being controlled by a Remote Control ‘Robert‘ J!

to be Continued in Part 2...

Message of Allah's Quran by SRK...

2008-12-21T01:31:00.009+05:30

Well, it's no secret that I am a huge fan of Shahrukh Khan. Irrespective of the fact that he overacts in his movies, he smokes, asks money to dance in someone else's wedding etc. I see him as a warrior who came from no where, with nothing more than a dream and won everything. Very spiritual person in his own way, extremely hard working, focused, down to Earth and an honest Indian. This is what he had to say in an interview with CNN-IBN about Islam, fundamentalism and Quran. I just love the way he puts things across.

There's been a lot of things said about terror attacks. I truly believe it has brought all of us together. Be it a bhaiya from U.P or Bihar and others staying in Mumbai or be it Hindu and Muslims. Divide and Rule doesn't work anymore. But should it take a crisis of this magnitude to unite us all, to rise above our petty differences? I sincerely pray and I know - not anymore. Blaming is politicians game, masses take responsibility now.

People who planned and committed such horrendous act will never be able to win by there sick minds. I genuinely feel sorry for them, because they will never ever experience peaceful sleep in a warm bed in a safe secure home filled with the laughter of their family, they will never know the happiness of a child born or a union made or serenity that dawns after forgiving someone and hugging them or the bliss of making someone smile. Not because they are bad people, but they are misdirected and there focus is on terror, how can they feel peace. I am truly sorry for them and wish that they come to light soon and that no one has to live with so much hatred and anger and ignorance in their hearts, ever.

Despite of what Amir Kasab did, I feel compassion for him. He will be punished for taking so many lives. But he is just 21 years old. His aspirations, his youth angst being misdirected by a handful of people too scared to venture out of their caves themselves. If only he could have experienced Sudarshan Kriya and the knowledge of Guruji, he would have directed his commitment to uniting people, to helping them....I know because not so long back I felt hatred and anger about everything too.

"For a person to be a terrorist somewhere he has to block his heart. Somewhere he has to block his feelings. If that block is removed he can't believe in violence. By broadening one's vision, spirituality can help." - Sri Sri Ravi Shankar.

One question: In which corner were you hiding Mr. Raj Thackeray? Where was your Sena of eunuchs to fight against outsiders, the terrorists, now? You should have as well protested against non Marathi NSG commandos being deployed in 'your' Mumbai? Where are you bloody Bajrang Dal? Did you wear bangles in your hands rather than fulfilling your promise of being a self proclaimed protector of Indian Culture? Where the hell were you the communist gangs in Kerela? Why didn't you flex your muscles in front of Taj the way you do when spiritual courses are organized in Kerela? Shame on you! There is nothing Indian or even Hindu in the way you do things, you feckless thugs.

And lastly, as a youth, I feel proud that there has been lot of awareness lately, particularly among youths, and we all want change. We deserve better. So to start we must first become better ourselves. Come out of our 9-5 routine in tiny cubicles and do something much more important for youths accross the world and for our nation.

As it was said in 'Rang De Basanti 'Public memory is very short. Janta sab bhool jaati hai'. Let's not forget and go back to our slumber. We have awakened, let's get to work - together, in our own ways, may be, but let's do something about it. Let's bring the change we want, together. If you can't, at least support those who are, rather than criticizing or judging them. Only we can.

And one way to bring change is Yes!+ and Art of Living. It's a platform for Youths all over the world to bring a positive, peaceful and lasting change. It has already touched the lives of 300 Million people of all race, religion, age and preferences. It's a path of Love and Service. Peace and Strength. Serenity and Dynamism. Song and Silence. It's all-in-one.

That's my way. You are welcome too.

www.artofliving.org
www.yesplus.org
www.yespluschennai.blogspot.com

And as Mr. Obama says 'YES WE CAN!'.

Best Goodbye Ever...

2008-11-23T12:13:00.005+05:30

Experienced an absolute Gem of a movie ‘Dasvidaniya - Best Goodbye Ever’. Extremely versatile and brilliant Vinay Pathak as usual is natural and Ranvir Shourey in a cameo is as always great. Music, supporting cast, dialogues, expressions everything are just top notch. It left me gasping for breath - laughter and lump in the throat, both. A must watch treat!!!

And it made me question what if you find out that your name is on somebody’s ‘Things to do Before You Die List‘? What if you drifted apart from that friend and it’s too late to make up? What if you are meeting a friend and you know this is the last time you will ever see her? Would I still live or be the way the I am now? Which false part of me will fall away?

HE is making me realize again and again that the best way to lead a happy, successful, joyous life is to have as less expectations as possible. Live in the moment. Source of most disappointments, anger, petty fights is expectations. One expects something, consciously or otherwise, and that does not transpire, emotions & sensations come up. Emotions of ego, jealousy, resentment and what not well up. And then one oscillates between blaming oneself or the other person over the non-event.

For e.g.: you called your friend and wanted to speak urgently about something important. You already are restless and your friend does not pick the phone up. What happens? You start imagining things. Why did she did not pick up? Doesn't she know you are calling for something important? She thinks no end of herself? She doesn't have a clue, and you start blaming her for nothing. And you blame yourself then. When all that happened was that you had expectations of your own.

Or while volunteering you start imagining that someone will do something and he does not or you were certain that this person would definitely come for the course and you go all huff-and-puff in your mind. Unconditional Love, gone with the wind.

Doesn’t mean one stops expecting at all. That itself is an expectation. But be aware of what it effects inside you. Dream without doer ship. Give your 100% to the action not to the thought of results.

The more I see around more I believe that we touch more lives, directly or indirectly, than we’ll ever know. And that makes me ask myself, will I value what I have now or still keep languishing about things I aspire for? When will I realize that I am richer with what I have, by whoever I am or whoever is in my life. When will I believe that no matter what, I am blessed.

Whatever did not happen for you, yet, it’s because right now in your life something else holds more value, is more important, than THIS girl or guy, than THIS job etc. You may or may not be ready for that, may or may not have worked hard and dreamed hard for that BUT there are even better things in store for you. Something that you can’t/won’t see now. Insight is the foresight that you realize only in hindsight. In due course you’ll see that everything happens for a reason and the reason is always good…

Oh and yeah, Dostana is good fun time pass. Special mention - Abhishek & John’s kiss!!! That’s the way, to be Happy and Gay...Maahi ve!!!

Pay it Forward!

2008-11-08T21:04:00.008+05:30

Saw this AMAZINGLY BEAUTIFUL new song yesterday - Saawarey. It'a Sufi song sung in the velvety voice of Roop kumar Rathod. He is another underrated singer in our industry. Song is very soulful & the expressions priceless. And the feel of the video is like a cloudy day, early morning, on your terrace overlooking the city, cool breeze...it just transported me to some other place. Very peaceful.Truly spiritual and poetic...

The expressions of the actors in this video are genuine and it got me thinking that I have become incapable of expressing my emotions with such honesty now, after what happened or what did not happen with her. Their have been many times when I wanted to say something nice, do something good for someone, but didn't.

Like saying a kind word to that old lady I met in the bus that day or dancing with that kid in the orphanage before Diwali or helping that girl in Landmark to decide the upon the DVD she was confused about or sharing a moment of lightness with that couple in the train that night or making a friend smile during the course etc...

I become anxious imagining how will that person react. Worse, if they say thank you and that look in their eyes that you are a wonderful, nice, kind, intelligent person. Somehow I have come to be uncomfortable about anyone thinking of me as a wonderful person. It's weird, because know I am a wonderful person. Not perfect in any way, but I at least have got a good heart which can't hurt or see anyone hurt. But somehow if someone responds nicely, to any thing nice that I do, something shakes inside...don't know what. Ego? may be..Shy? sure..Expectations from them that I'll am or always be this wonderful? Yes...They becoming my 'Friend'? Yes.

I have become very self-conscious with the thought of a relationship, any kind. It always ends. it always makes one sad. It always leaves a void. It always leads one away from oneself. I want to do good, but without being recognized for it. I am more of a background man then in the limelight kind of guy. You can shout at me if I do good to you. I would be fine with that, because in my heart I'd know i did the right thing and I'd be content. But if u praise me, if you admire me to my face, I'll shrink...

I saw this really amazing movie long time back starring Halley Joel Osment (the awesome kid of Sixth Sense) & Kevin Spacey - 'Pay it Forward', the story was about a kid who chooses an assignment in his class - to save the world. Project named - Pay it forward, which means that if someone does something nice for you, something big, you don't pay it back, you pay it forward to 3 more people. And those 3 people, in turn, pay it forward to 3 more people... And doing that, overtime, it will become a chain all over the world, connecting every person. So, if you like what I do, pay it forward..not just backwards.

That idea-turned novel-turned movie has become a huge movement around the world, changing the world by one act of random kindness at a time. Do watch the movie..it's beautiful! Three imperfect people - 1 perfect idea!

And that's how, I think, Yes!+ works better. Anyone who experiences it pays it forward, manyfolds. Innocent, plain & simple dream.

So, I guess if I feel pink when I think of doing something nice for someone, I'll think of it as paying it forward. Yeah, that's it!

Diwali - 4th & 5th Day.

2008-10-28T22:34:00.005+05:30

Diwali: 4th & 5th Day:

Padwa & Govardhan puja: 4th Day of Diwali is celebrated as Padwa or Gudi Padwa, also known as Ugadi in A.P & Karnataka. This day holds special reverence for a newly wed couple. On this day the newly married daughter & her husband are invited for special meals and gifts. Traditionally her brother goes to the sisters' in-laws home to fetch her along with her husband. I did too on the 1st Diwali, after my sister got married.

In North people also celebrate this day as Govardhan Puja, in commemoration of krishna lifting the Govardhan mount. Legend goes that the people of Vrindavan, shri Krishna's village, worshiped lord Indra, the rain god. Krishna asked the Gopals to worship their cows instead because they are the ones who nourish them. Go=cow, Vardhan=nourishment. Thus, the villagers started worshipping their Cows instead of Indra.

Indra got furious and to show his power he flooded Yamuna with heavy rains. Terrified, villagers went to Krishna with their prayers. Krishna took them all to Govardhan mountain, on this very day, and lifted the mount with his small finger and the entire village took shelter under it. Embarrassed Indra realised his mistake and the rain stopped & the villagers celebrated & revered Krishna.

5th day is Bhaiya Dooj:
Legend goes, that after killing Narakasura, shri krishna was welcomed home by his sister Subhadra by putting a Tilak on his forehead and doing his Aarti.

According to another legend, Yama (Yamraj, the Lord of death) visited his sister Yamuna on this day. He gave his sister a Vardaan (a boon) that whosoever visits her on this day shall be liberated from all sins. Yamuna in turn welcomed him by putting a Tikka on his forehead.
From then on, brothers visit their sisters on this day to inquire of their welfare. That is why this day of Bhai Duj is also known by the name of "YAMA-DWITIYA"

Since then sisters express love for their brothers by putting Tilak on their forehead and blessing them with success & well being. Brothers in turn give them gifts. It's somewhat similar to Rakhi. Diwali is not complete without celebrating Bhai-Dooj or Tikka.

Thus, bhai dooj marks the end of the official celebration of Diwali festivities. However, the light of the Diyas & sweetness of prasad radiate one's life for all year long, in the form of wisdom, prosperity & knowledge.

Diwali - 3rd Day - DEEPAWALI!!! YAAYY!!

2008-10-27T19:36:00.010+05:30

Wishing every one a very sweet, fun-tastic, happy & prosperous Diwali. May you receive a lot of wealth, both currency wise and heart wise. And may you be generous enough to share them with all around you (esp. the currency on me). And may you forget old fights & hug your enemy who was once your friend. And may your life be illuminated with the light of Guruji's Knowledge. And may your radiance be a beacon of light for others.

If you haven't read Diwali 1st day & 2nd day post, skip to the post below before reading read post...

Continued...

3rd Day: This is the day when most people celebrate Deepawali by praying to Ganesh ji & Lakshmi ji, bursting crackers, offering gifts, devouring sweets, forgiving old fights and generally being merry & prosperous. All the rituals are done with much aplomb & fervor.

And this is the most famous legend of all. Ram ji, Sita ma. Lakshman and Hanuman ji returned to Ayodhya on this day after defeating Ravana. The villagers welcomed them by decorating all Ayodhya with Diyas. Since then every year we honor his greatness by lighting Diyas in his remembrance. Well, not much to say about Ramayana. Everyone has seen Arun Govil as Ram ji & Dara Singh as Hanuman ji on Doordarshan!

It is traditional to do Ganesh - Lakshmi puja in the evening. Only after that one can burst crackers, light diyas, have special yummy Diwali dinner & visit other houses to wish happy Diwali with sweets. I used to think that Ganesh & Lakhsmi ji are married and that's why we pray to them as a couple! Wondering at the same time, "isn't she married to Vishnu ji also?"

Ganesh ji is the god of wisdom & remover of obstacles. He is to be worshiped before other gods and before starting anything new for smooth sailing.

Lakshmi ji is the goddess of wealth & prosperity. She also denotes beauty & charm. It is believed that Laskhmi ji visits every house and brings peace & prosperity to all on the night of Diwali. That's why no corner of the house is to be left dark and doors are left open late into the night on this day, to welcome her in the home. As a kid, I actually used to wait for her to glide in to my home, as I also waited for Santa clause to slide into the house, until I fell asleep!

In Hindu mythology they are unrelated, but on the eve of Diwali they are placed together on the altar. Ganesh ji on right side and Lakshmi ji on left side. Together they hold a promise of a obstacle free year of fulfillment of wants, wealth & wisdom.

In Bengal Diwali is celebrated with Kali puja. Goddess Kali is 1st of the 10 incarnations of Goddess Durga. Legend goes that 2 demons shambhu & nishambhu grew so powerful that after endless battles all the gods had to go in exile in himalayas to Shiv & Parvati ji. They prayed to goddess Durga and Kali ma was born out of her forehead to save heaven and earth from demons.

Kali ma slaughtered the demons and chopped their heads off and made a garland for her out of it. There was so much energy that she started slaying everything that came into her sight. The terrified gods requested Shiva, Durga ma's consort to intervene. Shiv ji threw himself on her path and Kali ma in her rage stepped on his chest. She was so shocked with this act of Lord Shiva that she stuck her tongue out in disbelief and repentance. Thus, shiv ji succeeded in stopping the carnage. And thus the popular image of Kali ma with garland of demon heads, foot on Shiv ji's chest & her tongue hanging out.

Kali Puja is a very intense tantric invocation to the fearsome goddess. It symbolizes diminishing ego and negative tendencies that hinders spiritual progress & material prosperity. It begins midnight & goes on till dawn amidst bursting of crackers. I have actually witnessed little bit of the puja and I was petrified out of my wits!

P.S: Tomorrow I shall write about 4th and 5th day of festivities and more importantly about the spiritual significance of Diwali and the rituals behind them, as I understand it.

Diwali - 2nd Day - Choti Diwali

2008-10-27T19:34:00.004+05:30

2nd Day: Choti (Little or Small) Diwali

If you haven't read Diwali 1st day post, skip to the post below before reading this...

The second day of Diwali is called Narak Chaturdasi to commemorate the triumph of Lord Krishna over the demon lord Narakasura. This day is celebrated as main Diwali in Chennai.

The legend goes that demon Narakasur, through severe penance received a boon from Bramha ji himself that he could only be killed by a woman and that woman be her mom, Bhudevi. Subsequently, he defeated all the gods and lord of Gods Indra dev. Thus the entire planet plunged into darkness & suffered under his tyranny. Dejected, all the gods pleaded to Sri Krishna to save them from his oppression.

Krishna knew about the boon (obviously). He asked his wife Satyabhama, the re-incarnation of Bhudevi, to be his charioteer for the fight with Narakasur. During the fight with Narakasur, Krishna feigns unconsciousness after being hit by an arrow of Naraka. Enraged, Satyabhama takes the bow and aims the arrow at Naraka, killing him instantly. Later Lord Krishna reminds her of the boon she had sought as Bhudevi.

This may also signify that parents should not hesitate to punish their children for their faults. Much like Russell Peters asks Americans to “Beat your Kids!”.

It is a tradition to massage the body with oil and to bathe on this day, as Shri Krishna was massaged to relive him of his tiredness after the battle. According to an interesting saying it is believed that those who do not bathe on this day, go to the Narak (hell). So, there are 2 days I have to take bath now…

Another legend concerns King Bali, who was a generous ruler. But he was also very ambitious. He conducted a Yagya that was so powerful that even gods were afraid of what he’ll ask as a boon upon it’s completion. Some of the Gods pleaded Vishnu to check King Bali's power. Vishnu ji came to earth in the form of a Vamana (dwarf) dressed as priest. He approached King Bali and said "You are the ruler of the three worlds: the Earth, the world above the skies and the underworld. Would you give me the space that I could cover with just three strides?"

King Bali laughed. Surely a dwarf could not cover much ground, thought the King, and agreed to dwarf's request. At this point, the dwarf changed into Vishnu ji and his three strides covered the Earth, the Skies and the whole Universe! King Bali was send to the underworld. Vishnu ji being as generous as he is, gave a lamp of knowledge to Bali and gave him permission to visit his land once in a year, on this day. And thus, every year his return was celebrated as choti Diwali.
I wonder if this Bali is same as the monkey king Sugreev’s powerful brother in Ramayana?

3rd day continued...

Diwali 1 - A Festival of 5 Festivals!

2008-10-27T17:33:00.011+05:30

This began as a casual conversation with a friend on why, in Chennai, Diwali is celebrated a day before the rest of India celebrates it. And as I was looking for answers I was astonished how little I knew about my favorite festival! There are many facets to this festival of light & as many reasons behind the significance of Diwali. And the more I found, more there was to know. So, this is my effort to understand Diwali and the legends behind it that makes it so much more beautiful.

Traditionally, Diwali, the festival of lights, is celebrated for five days. Yeah! So Diwali actually is not just one night of fire crackers and lots of sweets and visiting friends and relatives - for more sweets. Each day is special and has unique connotations, ceremonies and legends associated with it.

1st Day: Dhanteras
The very first day of Diwali celebrations is Dhantrayodashi. The auspicious day of Dhanteras, as it is popularly known, ushers in Diwali festivities. Dhan = wealth and teras is 13. 13 th day of the Karthik month of Hindu calendar. Dhanteras is the festival of Wealth.

One interesting legend behind Dhanteras is centered on the sixteen-year-old son of King Hima. As per his horoscope he was fated to breathe his last on the fourth day of his marriage owing to snakebite. On the appointed day his young wife illuminated the entire palace with numerous lamps and placed all her gold and silver coins and jewellery in a heap at the entrance of their bedroom. She did not allow her husband to sleep & regaling him by singing songs and telling stories. All through the night she sang songs and told stories.

At the stroke of midnight, God of death Yama devta, slithered in the Palace as a serpent. The lights of the lamps, and the dazzle of the coins and ornaments blinded the snake. Frustrated, he waited the entire night, on top of the heap listening to the sweet sounding songs before leaving peacefully the next morning. Thus, the wife succeeded in saving the life of her husband. This is why the Dhanteras festival is also referred to as “Yamadeepdaan". The lamps are kept burning throughout the night in reverential adoration to Yama, the god of Death & to protect our loved ones from untimely death.

According to another legend, when the gods and demons churned the ocean for Amrit or nectar, it was Lord Dhanavantri (the God of Ayurveda, an incarnation of Lord Vishnu) who emerged carrying the pot of the elixir on the day of Dhanteras and thus (after much fanfare) all the God‘s became immortal after drinking from the pot. And so, Dhanteras is also celebrated to honor Lord Dhanavantri, the divine Doctor.

There were 14 ratnas or jewels that came out of Samudra-Manthan (churning of the ocean of milk). One of them was Goddess Lakshmi. She is honored on this day by doing Lakshmi puja.

Dhanteras is an auspicious occasion to purchase precious metals like gold, platinum and silver. Women purchase Dhan like some gold or silver or at least one or two new utensils as a sign of good luck. For children, this is the day to purchase all those fire-crackers, they started making list of weeks back! This day is also considered auspicious for setting up new businesses, commencing new projects, housewarming, fixing wedding dates etc. Diyas & Rangoli’s adorn the house, starting from this day.

To be continued...

Adverts & Nostalgia...

2008-10-25T00:21:00.002+05:30

I was thinking about how people start behaving like animals when they are edgy, frustrated and stressed, and this flashback of an old Public Service advertisement on Doordarshan just flashed in my mind.

It was like a bunch of guys jump into a moving bus and start pushing around passengers including ladies and make loud monkey like noises. The gang leader is interrupted by an old gentleman & the guy gets really angry and he starts shouting and his face is actually morphed into a devils face, red with horns! The old gentleman smiles and says something like 'at least behave like a human being and not like an animal". And the guy really gets embarrassed and his face turns back to normal and he offers his seat to the old uncle and gets down with his gang at the next stop. The message was, it's very easy to become an animal but it's not that difficult to act like a human. That was a great ad!

I was searching for that ad on Youtube and though I didn't find that one I found some other equally terrific ads. Here they are, bring back the memory of old times...

The Old Hamara Bajaj ad. Notice the Flouroscent Green Bajaj Super? That was my Dad's Scooter. :). I still remember one evening I came back from School and saw it standing non-nonchalantly to our garden, shining gallantly in the afternoon light! I hopped onto it, started shifting gears and made sounds that will put Need for Speed to shame, while I rode my sturdy stallion, green color albeit and silently parked!

And here's the Bajaj for new Generation, preserving our Indian Values. Another great ad. Same jingle.

Our very own Amul - The Taste of India...Love the Jingle!

And my watch! Titan...Apparently the Titan Jingle, which still continues, na nanana nanana nanananana...was composed by none other than A.R Rahman!

Another Titan!!! Love this ad..seeing it for the first time, though it is very old. And similar to this theme, Titan is now airing it's 'Move on yaar' theme for fast track. Guess, every good thing comes back or a trend repeats itself every decade.

"I am a Complan Girl, I am a Complan Boy!" - Remember? Notice Jr. Shahid Kapoor and Ayesha Takia in this ad.

This is another one by A.R Rahman! I never knew that he wrote Jingles before storming into the movies...I love this music...very Rahman. It's for Garden Saarees.

I still remember, around Diwali time the Asian Paints ad will start streaming in "Khushi ke rang layin yeh ghadiyan..", and that, for me set the mood for Diwali...colorful, celebrative & Homely.

And of course Aamir Khan and Aish in Pepsi..before they promptly moved onto Coke.

There were many mor...Lalita ji's surf...Lijjat paapad with the human bunny's...Nirma's teeaaooooonnnn...Vicco tooth powder (that still continues, no changes!)...Liril, 1st glimpse of a lady under a waterfall using a soap!..Mile sur mera tumhara...Dinesh with Sunil Gavaskar...Shahrukh 'mayur' khan...Ketki ji and many more.

I guess advertisements also become a part of one's childhood woven into our fabric as we grow up. Many times they cultured our perceptions. announced what is in and what is geeky now, touched, inspired. Often forgotten, but when remembered bring back those sweet times of our lives.

And lastly, do you remember the smell of a freshly sharpened Pencil? My niece have a drawer full of them and today when I opened it, this earthly fragrance just wafted through and the 1st feeling that arose in me was - fear of exams & anxiety. Weird! hehe

And the best one...ek anek aur ekta...Unity in diversity... Very cute ad, Very sweet voice & diction and cutest lyrics will definitely make you grin! Amazing!! Can't miss this one.

I have been Tagged!

2008-10-18T18:51:00.004+05:30

1. If your lover betrayed you, what will your first thought be?

Denial. After that, in the past I'd have moped for a year. But now, move on..the person's not worth your time & energy.

2. If you can have a dream coming true, what would it be?

A recurring dream that I've been having for longer than I can remember is to be loved by her as much as I love her. However, that dream is now transforming into being as steeped in knowledge as Rajesh Bhaiya & Dinesh Bhaiya. Being a better, more loving, caring, compassionate & strong human being.

3. What is the one thing most hated by you?
'Literate' people littering around, physical & emotional garbage and being ignorant & arrogant about it.

4. What would you do with a billion dollars?

Buy every material thing I want to...car, home theater system, lots of clothes, house, gifts for family and friends, travel....and then when I'll realize that no matter how much I can stuff outside, inside will still be restless. Then wisely I'll donate for the cause of homeless and mentally challenged kids and to take Art of Living to all the youths around the world.

5. Will you fall in love with your best friend?
I believe Love is friendship. If the person you love can't be your best friend then it won't last...

6. Which is more blessed, loving someone or being loved by someone?
Being loved back by someone you adore.

7. How long do you intend to wait for someone you really love?
Indefinitely...

8. If the person you secretly like is already attached, what would you do?

Be happy & do nothing...It's better actually cuz 1st it's a secret so there is no risk of heart break, awkwardness and 2nd I can love as much as I want without creating a relationship out of it and worrying about the challenges that'll bring. There is no attachment and no expectations of her response and the more I love more my consciousness will expand...

9. If you like to act with someone, who will it be? Your gf/bf or an actress/actor?

Guruji
Katrina Kaif!
Aamir Khan, SRK, Joey & Chandler.

10. What takes you down the fastest?
My unaware mind.

11. How would you see yourself in ten years time?
Swami Ashwaneshwar Ji. :)

12. What’s your fear?
I am not as good as I can be.

13. What kind of person do you think the person who tagged you is?
(Aparna) Very smart, enthusiastic, innocent, dedicated & devoted. And a terrific dancer :)

14. Would you rather be single and rich, or married but poor?
Are they mutually exclusive...?

15. What’s the first thing you do when you wake up?
Sleep again!

16. Would you give all in a relationship?

Yes, that's the only way...And giving and receiving goes together in a relationship...One can't give with an empty heart.

17. If you fall in love with two people simultaneously, who would you pick?

Sadly & strangely, that does not happen with me! In the dream scenario, I'd choose me or sit back and relax & let them choose!

18. Would you forgive and forget no matter how horrible a thing that special someone has done?

Again in past, it took a very long time for me to forgive and forget if that someone means a lot to me. If not, then I'll just be indifferent. But now, knowledge lets me move on much faster.

19. If you get to go back in time and fall in love all over again , would it still be with the same person?

No...I would Rise in love this time around.

20. What will you do about climate crisis?

Frankly, I think that people who are just armchair activists 'thinking' about the issue just flatter themselves that they are doing something great & worthwhile & long lasting. But unless we do something on a large scale involving more people and continuously nothing lasting can happen. Numbers matter. Attitude matters more than that. We have to culture attitudes of people just lost in the periphery of their office and house, to responsibly care about our Planet.

I am planting trees, conserving electricity at home & office, saving Petrol, reducing plastic and paper waste, not litter, becoming aware and spreading awareness.

And I pass on the tag to

Oishee

Hari

Madhuri

Weekend's Here..Yay!!!

2008-10-17T22:23:00.011+05:30

I don't remember when was the last time I was so looking fwd to a weekend! After a mind numbing, coma inducing week at work, it's as welcome as Himesh Reshamiya dropping his nasal twang. now if only he drops his acting 'career' too...Yes!+ kept the energy high.

I was co-coordinating Yes!+ from 10th-16th, so it kinda got hectic coming home at 11 and back to office at 7...But it was nice to balance them pretty effeciently (pats back)...Good course. I juggled between being a Yoga instructor, Photographer, The Laptop Guy, Music Arranger...I was blissed out by the point I rested my head on the Pillow...

“- "I've been thinking Hobbes --"

- "On a weekend?"

- "Well, it wasn't on purpose..."”

So Miss Aparna has tagged me...that'll be the next post madam!

For now, read few very good posts today. All good things must be shared, so:

Hari's post: http://thoughtshuttle.blogspot.com/ - True Love (Read the comments too)

Madhan's Post: http://madhanlalvs.blogspot.com/2008/09/our-own-mind.html (The Law of Garbage Truck)

Anir's Post: http://anirvachan.blogspot.com/2008/07/io-what-will-you-regret.html

Goli's Post: http://nonstopgoli.blogspot.com/2008/09/cola-life.html (Brilliant Coke intiative)

Oishee's Post: http://chatteratii.blogspot.com/2008/10/blah-blah-blah.html

Madhuri's Post: http://ephemeralflower.blogspot.com/2008/09/utsav.html (QnA with Bau)

Angeli's Post: http://just-for-jolly.blogspot.com/2008/08/story-in-5-words.html

And read My post on Bau & Dinesh Bhaiya's Blog!: http://bawandinesh.name/?p=297 (Read the comments too)

Loved this Video of the UN's Stand up and Take Action campaign seen in Ashram during Navaratri:

Another one with Ustad Aamir Khan, AR Rehman, Sachin Tendulkar...

And Sachin smashed all the records today...I bow down to the Genius. A question to his 'critics'-do u really need more proof? You are truly a Legend sir in more ways than one!

When Superman saved me from becoming a Hitman!

2008-10-12T22:33:00.006+05:30

Managed to catch the climax of Superman Returns after returning from the course. Lois was going to light up a cigarette (a habit I guess she had left long time back) and at that moment she hears her son bidding good bye to someone from his room on the upper floor. She looks up and sees Superman 'hanging' around (who I guess she thought will never come back, for some reason) and she extinguishes the light.

There was a time in my life, a particularly ’bad’ time, when I was absolutely and utterly infuriated with everything and everyone that had the misfortune of existing on the planet. So enraged was I, that I desired to be a terrorist or a shooter or someone along those lines. Every little thing used to boil me. This all consuming desire will arise in me to just go out and let loose a FY71 semi automatic on anyone or everyone in sight. In fact, when I found out that according to the Mayan Calendar world is going to finally come to an end in 2012, I exhaled a sigh of relief and exclaimed 'Good Riddance' with lot of hope.

This went on for more than a couple of weeks. And so grateful am I that nobody in my close proximity is a cop, a soldier or a terrorist, for me to have an easy access of an assault weapon.

I was so full of wrath towards everything. And that made me completely terrified! Of myself. It’s one thing to be afraid of another person or to be scared of Ghosts or of the things unknown but to be petrified of one's own self, of what fury one is capable of unleashing…is extremely unsettling. There is no worse emotion that one can experience, than seeing the evil in oneself. Especially for someone on the spiritual path, who should actually ought to be seeing God in oneself and others!

And for me it was no different. For I can get angry as hell, for sure. But I've learnt, when I do or say anything during such time, I always end up hurting someone I don’t ever want to hurt and I always regret it for days later. And so I don’t really know the correct way of expressing my anger. But this thing I kept feeling was different. This was long pent up…something...something very solid and heavy.

Overtime I figured I was so angry because I trusted her a lot. Even before I had any ‘feelings’ for her, she was a friend to me, my best Friend. And I sincerely hoped and believed that she will be there by my side when I'll need her the most. That she will communicate. She never did. That our friendship was genuine. I wasn’t sure now. That she was different than other women, I knew till then. May be not. And that’s why I ceased to have any belief in Love & Friendship and Marriage and other such important things in Life involving more than two souls, because in my great wisdom, I concluded - people are selfish & evil.

And the result was this paranoid hatred towards everything. But going through my anguish of having to face up to this baffling thought of me as a Villain, some things I never could have thought can happen, happened. Some of the subtlest and deepest lines enunciated by Guruji began making sense. I started to have an understanding of people who actually went on a shooting spree in colleges etc. And of people who commit other wrong acts in a moment of ignorance.

I think that ordinary people like us become victim of only 3 things: Bad Times, Bad Timing and ignorance i.e. not being able to understand one’s own mind and deal with it. And this happens in a matter of moments of judgment lapse. And the entire life goes awry.

This is why workshops like Yes!+ and organization like Art of Living are so absolutely vital in today's day and age for youths. To understand ones own mind and patterns and engage in helping others live a fuller life.

We affect the lives of more people than we'll ever know. And that is also why people like, friends should be genuinely caring and responsible and be like superman for their Lois Lane. To be there at the right time to stop their friends from doing stupid things like - smoking or killing!

Innocence and Landmark!

2008-09-16T20:35:00.008+05:30

While I am waiting patiently and salivating at the same time for the Punjabi Makhani Pizza to be delivered, I figured I can divert my mind (and digestive juices) towards scribbling the 1st and looooong overdue post, from my brand spanking new Laptop.

Yep, finally got the beautiful Dell XPS 1530 delivered in Midnight Blue and it’s working like, me after an advance course with Guruji! That is to say it’s working clean, calm and fast and with pizzazz, élan and grace!

But I digress…

So now days I wander in the hallways of Landmark in search of accessories to glamorize my latest crush and software’s to build a long time relationship with her. And since I am still in the initial stages of relationship, I strongly support adorning it only with Original and handsomely expensive Software’s and Games, which I suppose, would last until she starts to nag me and start bailing out on me and stop being a good friend.

Thus far, I have accumulated GTA San Andreas, Sims 2 & breathtakingly scenic Crysis (Game of the year 2007) along with some random software’s. Haven’t finished either one yet though. I am more of a collector. An amasser of great things in life. Such as faithful friends and nurture them, which is another thing I haven’t done for quite some time.

I digress again…

So during one of such leisurely strolls in the fully stacked, brightly lit corridors of a shoppers delight in the heart of Spencer plaza - Landmark, I decided to check out the kids section. Her B’day was coming up and I thought to buy a gift (which I didn't), cuz the last time I bought it from the same section for her.

And just walking around in the tiny tots section by myself, suddenly I realized that I was feeling so much at ease here than in another sections! It was a strange yet uplifting feeling of being free to do whatever I wish to. This is the kids section, and they are free from judgments - to judge and to be judged at, both.

So I guess I, somehow got tuned to that energy of a child. Whatever a child does, it does with 100% originality and innocence without being wary of others watching. And that was the freedom I felt in the middle of the day, another afternoon when I was moping about job that isn‘t so great and random things, but more than that I was thinking about her.

The energy of the children’s section, of the fluffy Bears, Red and Yellow twin pony-tailed dolls, Puzzle pieces, basketball hoops, remote controlled toys, Indian Barbie, games we played as kids and some real kids strewn around is enough to raise anyone’s energy level, bring them in touch with themselves, drop the reality for sometime and fly with the imagination of a Kid, once again. And one can smile at another visitor there and they will smile back without reservations and without thinking “Dude, what the hell is wrong with you?”

And that’s what transpired that noon, in the kids section of bustling Landmark. Very simple, unassuming and underrated spiritual passage in the middle of the day.

Since then, I make it a point to be there whenever I am too much in touch with reality - which by the way is also described as Depression by authorities, to imagine again, dream the impossible again, see all the colors of life other than Black & White and realize that life actually is simple, until our mind and judgments complicate it and whatever the pressing problem seems to be at the moment, it is still an inconvenience and not a PROBLEM.

“If you break your neck, if you have nothing to eat, if your house is on fire, then you've got a problem. Everything else is inconvenience.”

Another children’s delight I have been to lately is at Westside. Strangely cute and freakishly small costumes for tiny toddlers. Only a puppy can fit into those, not an offspring of Homosapiens! But I prefer Landmark, as even the ceiling is designed for the Munchkins and I have to hunch while prancing around there. Although Moti would have fit there easily…

Academy Awards fever 2008.

2008-02-18T13:32:00.006+05:30

I watched ‘Juno’ yesterday. Now it’s a movie about a teenage girl becoming pregnant. This is a premise that is so over-used and everybody knows how such a story unfolds and concludes. Add to it a step mom, the stigma attached to such a person & a community full of gawking peers and judgemental public.

However, this is where this movie is so unique & not clichéd. Juno is not preachy or depressing; it’s unapologetic and mature in its portrayal. It’s funny, quick, intelligent, warm & charming. And again, not ‘American Pie’ kind of funny, with wierd characters for friends, proms, booze, over dramatic parents or other such immature substance. But the humour comes from the soul of Juno.

The interactions between friends, boyfriends, parents, strangers etc. and the heartfelt way they explore there own truth as they trudge on along there path of life. It’s about following one’s truth, without explainations and also without being a martyr or a victim.

"I mean, I'm already pregnant, so what other kind of shenanigans could I get into?" : )

It's not loud at the same time it's forthright. It’s a beautiful movie, and for an adult subject like this, there are no explicit visual scenes & stellar cast which just adds to the beauty of the movie.

As I love heartfelt, true to life genuine things in the world this movie was a great watch. It's also been nominated for Academy awards this year, in the best motion picture and best actress category. This movie doesn't falters once, unlike the other nominated movies in the same category like 'Atonement', 'The Great Debaters', 'Michael Clayton' & 'No country for old men' which start brilliantly but looses their pace/direction only to manage a decent finish.

My best movie for Oscar's this year is 'Juno' and best animated flick can be no one else than 'Ratatouille' & best action 'The Bourne Ultimatum'.

Musings of a free mind on Valentines Day : )

2008-02-14T14:36:00.011+05:30

"Love will find you, even if you are trying to hide from it. I been trying to hide from it since I was five, but the girls keep finding me." -- Dave, age 8

"Ohh wow…I mean I am, I am uhh…flattered, really, but I am with someone else already, so…" or "What? Since when? Are you sure? This is news to me! I mean I am surprised!!! Of course, pleasantly surprised. Wow! Ok so what do we do now?” or “Well thanks a lot, it’s so sweet of you. But I always thought of you as a good friend. Really I never thought of you this way.” or “WHAT?!! You got to be kidding me. Are you sure? I mean ME & you? How’d you even come up with this idea?” or “Yes, YES I’ll be your Valentine. I LOVE YOU TOO!!! I waited for you to say this to me for such a long time!!”

Well, when I think of 14^th Feb, invariably what comes to one’s mind are some of the reactions that anyone can possibly receive or bestow (as the case may be), after one wears his/her heart on one’s sleeve and march out with trembling feet, carrying the entire butterfly effect in one’s tummy, towards the apple of their eyes, just to vocalize the thoughts they have for the other, for a long time, usually.

"Love is the most important thing in the world, but baseball is pretty good too." -- Greg, age 8
"I think you're supposed to get shot with an arrow or something, but the rest of it isn't supposed to be so painful." -- Manuel, age 8

Also, like a dialogue of some Spider man flick “With great rejections & heart break, comes great wisdom”, these responses act as constant reminder of what constituted the Valentines day in the years that have passed by (not mine, one must make it clear but of friends & friends of friends :)) & thus arm one with the wisdom to decipher the hidden meaning behind such diplomatic utterances, should there be a need in the future to repair one’s or a friends heart, after indulging in such shenanigans.

So the 1^st reaction translated into actual thought would be “Gee I knew you are enamoured by me. But what made you think that I am even interested in you at all, in the first place? So, thanks but no thanks! There is no one I am going out with currently, but if I reveal that to you, you will promptly begin stalking me and will get bolder the next time in your advances towards me. So, get a life!”

Also vice-versa, if some one professes the 3 most dreaded words in such modernistic consumerist times we live in, to me, and who I don’t like that much or that way I’d invariably think of response no1.

"If falling in love is anything like learning how to spell, I don't want to do it. It takes too long." -- Glenn, age 7
"Once I'm done with kindergarten, I'm going to find me a wife." -- Tom, age 5

So the main pitfall of being a free lazy goose on 14^th of Feb is that you start imagining and wondering and thinking about your love life or rather the lack of one, and then the thoughts just start flowing. Some are bitter, resentful, sad thoughts. Few are bitter sweet nostalgic memories that bring a smile on your lips even as they leave you choked up with thin trail of tears from your eyes. And the wonder is, it doesn’t matter whether what you are thinking of actually happened or not but the mere thought of something you thought that might happen someday brings up emotions in you!!!

And ahh what bliss, what ecstasy it is to listen to the melody orchestrated by the sweet symphony of the words and it’s meaning and their feelings contained in the last response – love united, love accepted.

"Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it everyday." -- Noelle, age 7
"My mother says to look for a man who is kind. That's what I'll do. I'll find somebody who's kinda tall and handsome." -- Carolyn, age 8

Contrary to popular belief that’s not the end, the real journey begins now. It can take one through the grandest experiences one can ever have or the lowest valleys one can ever imagine. It can lead one to one’s soul or it can leave one disillusioned hopping from one person to another. In any case there is a lot to know, lot to apply, lots of choices & one guide - Love.

What V-day stands for:- http://ashcash1in.blogspot.com/2007/02/love-is-in-air-ya-i-know-corny.html

As for me, I love her. And she does too. She just doesn’t knows it yet. She’s not that bright, kinda slow she is. :) My kinda love is not called unrequited love. Love finds a way, one way or another.

"Make the Divine your Valentine (your sweet Beloved). See the Divine in your Valentine and make the Divinity your Valentine (your sweet beloved). Just BE. . .and know that you are LOVED... That is BELOVED." - Sri Sri Ravi Shankar.

So, Valentines or not, know that you are loved & blessed. Happy Valentines Day!!! For those who are single - Happy Independence Day!!!

Happiness is like a kiss, you must share it to enjoy it...!

2008-02-05T14:42:00.000+05:30

This part of my life... this part right here? This is called "happyness."

Zindagi hai choti, har pal mein khush raho...
Office me khush raho, ghar mein khush raho
Aaj paneer nahi hai, dal mein hi khush raho...
Aaj gym jane ka samay nahi, do kadam chal ke hi khush raho
Aaj Dosto ka saath nahi, apne aap mein hi khush raho...
Ghar ja nahi sakte to phone kar ke hi khush raho
Aaj koi naraaz hai, uske iss andaz par bhi khush raho...
Jise dekh nahi sakte, uski awaz mein hi khush raho
Jise paa nahi sakte, uski yaad mein hi khush raho...
Laptop na mila to kya, Desktop mein hi khush raho
Bita hua kal ja chuka hai, usse meethi yaadein hai, unme hi khush raho...
aane wale pal ka pata nahi... sapno mein hi khush raho
Hanste haste ye pal bitaenge, aaj mein hi khush raho...
Zindagi hai choti, har pal mein khush raho.

Hanso aur hansao, na phaso na phasao! :)

~ An Art of Living Anthem.

"What is the worth of anything,
But for the happiness 'twill bring?"
-- Richard Owen Cambridge.

"Of cheerfulness, or a good temper -- the more it is spent, the more of it remains."
-- Ralph Waldo Emerson.

"The supreme happiness of live is the conviction that we are loved."
-- Victor Hugo.

“The reason people find it so hard to be happy is that they always see the past better than it was, the present worse than it is, and the future less resolved than it will be...”

An extra helping of Life...

2008-01-30T20:33:00.002+05:30

So much has happened in life since my last post after Navaratri that I’m confused where to start? Which multicolored thread of life should I pick to start knitting on the blog again?

The sabbatical from work & Yes!+ have lasted almost 4 months & now, at the end of it, I find myself at peace.:) Peace from the discipline I was able to maintain in terms of Sadhana & knowledge, watching my thoughts, being consciously aware of my feelings, bringing myself back again and again, a multi fold times in alignment to who I am (at least the little glimpse of what I know of me now) & to what I look forward to become.

The journey (which is obviously continuing and will carry on) has seen me through; on one hand, really dark hours, lonely nights, agonized & lost with no belief, faith, purpose and no idea of myself & no one to share it with & on the other hand I’ve witnessed a glimpse of myself, bliss, joy of being able to read my own mind & channel my thoughts, experience the strength of regular Sadhana, the realizations from Guruji’s knowledge & the pure ecstasy of being able to implement them at the right time & experience an unimaginable flourish of positive emotions & thoughts & belongingness with others. I emerge much stronger, calmer, happier & with unshakeable faith in myself and in HIM than ever.

“Confront the dark parts of yourself, and work to banish them with illumination and forgiveness. Your willingness to wrestle with your demons will cause your angels to sing. Use the pain as fuel, as a reminder of your strength.”

These 4 months have been an intimate advance course just between me & Guruji, and they have been precious. There have been days when I haven’t spoken at all! Which by the way, I wish to complement by talking as much as possible now (a quality janta doesn’t associate with me :) ). However, I want to talk knowledge, I want to speak words of such energy which inspire people, which brings silence to them and love in their hearts.

Many people, so I have heard, had many opinions & judgements on why I left and how I left & why I shouldn’t have etc. drawing their own conclusions. Well, I left because I could not continue to be miserable any longer, it was as simple as that. It was a wake up call, my soul crying out loud to leave everything or grow up! And I am glad that I did. I was sick & tired of feeling lonely, I was exhausted of hoping against hope, waiting for ‘her’ answer & being taken for a ride in turn & I was being drained by my own mind.

I could not lead a team of people when I myself felt that way. I want to take care of my people and reach out to others & I couldn’t do that when I had lost touch with my reality itself. It just seemed hypocritical to me. And I do things from the heart, if something does not appear right to me, to my values – I can’t do it & I voice it out as such too. That’s probably why I’m also one of the most politically incorrect people one can hope to come across. It was a courageous choice, if I ever wanted a chance at being happy & at changing the lives of others. It meant letting go of lots of baggage, turning into myself, facing my own demons, going through nightmares & sometimes avoiding sleep as much as humanly possible to avoid the nightmares, being so god damn restless, being brutally honest with myself & still be positive & loving.

And I had to do it, to forget her, to “move on” as ‘she’ said it, as if it meant nothing. Two Years! I had to be away from her to be able to do that.

“Every heart sings a song, incomplete, until another heart whispers back. Those who wish to sing always find a song. At the touch of a lover, everyone becomes a poet.”

I travelled to the Ashram many times to be in the presence of Guruji. And it was revolutionary! Although I have been in ashram on multiple occasions before, however this time I actually was able to feel the positive vibrations from ashram long after I came back. Every time I journeyed to the sacred place, my home now, I was going back to my old patterns of perceiving & being. Every time I came back, I found myself recharged & on a different height of consciousness to continue on the quest of finding myself. And since the last time I went there, those positive vibes and the changes in me thereafter, have stayed; have become a part, a second nature to me. The questions which I carried with myself were all answered every time I was in the presence of Guruji. And the wonder of it all is that they were answered in the exact same words in which I was thinking about them, as if HE was talking directly to me, leaving no doubt that this can't be a repetition of co-incidences.

I have found that every smile doesn’t carry happiness behind it; there are some smiles which are just to veil the pain one is going through. How people who are the most verbal have the least sense of propriety or commitment. How people can say anything, as long as that makes them look intelligent or part of a herd. How people have forgotten the reasons why they chose to be on the spiritual path, if they ever had one. I have found people who have topped there college academics can be the dumbest people one can find. I have found people become ‘friends’ for time pass. I’ve found that if you are in love with one person for a long time & the other person is not reciprocating emotion, you end up being abused & used, doesn’t matter how patient or forgiving you can become.

What I’ve also learnt is how beautiful people really are. There is so much joy in the world, at the same time there is so much sadness. Joy is light; misery is darkness. Light is everywhere, darkness is not a substance – just the absence of light. People get into relationships for sex, to end their loneliness, just to ‘go out’, to pump their ego rather than for the actual purpose of the relationships which is to grow, to share, to uplift oneself and the other, to help each other let go of their past baggage & become innocent & childlike again, to relate to one another, to find oneself & to implement all knowledge pointsJ. Love does conquer all, it does move the world.

I’ve learnt that I don’t have to hide my pain; it’s required to be 100% in one’s pain too & then it flips and turn into bliss. Life is a process of creation not a process of discovery. One has to create one’s own reality. Anything is possible. We are not required to learn anything, all we need to do is be aware and centred and remember what we have already known for ages. One can be happy, no matter what the situation one finds oneself with. Accept and hit it. Happiness is really a state of mind. I’ve experienced pain is inevitable suffering is optional. I have learnt it’s necessary to forgive, not for others for ones’ own expansion.

I’ve found that you know you are in love with someone when she makes you want to be a better person everyday and when her name becomes a part of your prayer. Not the prayer of asking her for yourself but requesting from God for her to be happy & healthy come what may, even though I've hated her sometimes for the hurt I have felt because of her. And I’ve found that without Love in the heart, meditation is empty. Love takes one through the most beautiful experiences, one can ever have.

“Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage.”

And thus the quest continues... But for now I am back with a bang! There is work to be done, roads to be navigated, smiles to be shared & people are waiting!

“Sometimes you don't know what you're missing until you reach out to touch it. Sometimes you can't see how beautiful something is until it steps back into the light. And sometimes you miss a love you almost didn't lose. But when you need beauty, dream.”

At Home in Ashram....

2007-10-22T14:02:00.000+05:30

OK I am back after exactly 2 months to blog the history in the making. These 2 months have been an assorted windfall of varied emotions - blissful, agonizingly painful, intoxicatingly ecstatic, anguish, full of hope & then fall from grace, suffering & resolve, faith & devotion, doubts & godlessness, secrets, lies, care, togetherness, hurt, affection, tears and cheers – all carelessly organized in one priceless gift pack. (More on this later)

I was in the Ashram for 11 days for Navaratri special advance course and homas. By the way, that's also the place where all the Gods & Goddesses descended, last week. The experience is so profound and powerful that it has re-instated my faith in many good things in life & have given my perspectives and thoughts, on some others, a positive color & my commitment towards Guruji & her have become much stronger (though I started out to do just the opposite of that) . Guruji's bhaav in Ganesh homa & in Chandi homa, the energy that manifested in him as Ganesh ji, Shiv ji & Devi, his playing the Veena, the garba 20,000 people meditating during Ashtami & the vibrations felt afterwards was just celestial!

And had a blast with Momo. If there is any other reason my time in ashram this time is unforgettable, it is Momo. I laughed so much after a very very long time. And in the process I realized this is how I really used to be before. I used to be very cool, carefree, I was able to laugh at many things which I take so seriously now & most importantly how much & how openly I used to laugh & also made others laugh.

I had started this course with a very heavy mind & immense negativity, which my skeptical mind believed cannot be reformed esp. even after doing 5 advance courses. As the course commenced, I would find myself sinking deeper into this chasm of sadness & darkness. Something, which I'd presume would be observed by someone who has come face to face with sudden but imminent death but have lots of unfulfilled desires & lots of things left unsaid to lots of people he cares for, and he knows against all hopes that no matter how hard he tries, he can't escape this, and all that he wants will just be lost in space. And in between all this agony, at some point, I must have reached rock bottom of misery because suddenly the fog started to clear out.

It started towards the end of the 2^nd last day of the course, during the process where we have to 'make something' (can't divulge what, coz it's the part of the course). In the beginning it was just another process, but as Vrinda ji's words fell on my ear 'do this with the innocence of a child', 'give your 100%', 'at this time there is no body else, just you and this ----', 'this is your finest creation, the person you love the most' & finally 'tell her what you havn't told anybody ever...and then it happened. Tears just started to flow, first salty then sweet ones, a wave of Love and belongingness just washed over my entire being for her & of gratitude for Guruji.

Gurji's message for this Navaratri: Atmarati Avirodhena – Rejoicing in the Atma (self) without any conflict. Surrendering or offering as Ahuti any conflict that come in our way & to all past hurts and feelings. Become Nava – new & fresh this Navaratri.

The effect of meditations combined with the prayers & homas is powerful beyond belief. It just blew me away. Witnessing Guruji in silence is such a profound and strong phenomenon. And his words, when he broke his silence, carried even more strength than before. 2,500 of us blessed souls would go bananas on his every move - rising up from his seat, pushing his hair back, fiddling with the mike in his unique way or even when he'll just say in his trademark style “haan?'.

One of my teacher was Vrinda ji from Rajkot. This was my 1^st advance course in Hindi & surprisingly it has been the best! Vrinda ji herself is so sweet in the way she speaks & her presence itself. She has a child like sweet innocent voice & when she speaks it's like words of wisdom flowing out with fragrance of flowers. And she will laugh ever so cutely on her own jokes while telling them. She said:

5 p's of life – Pyaas (Thirst), Prayaas (effort), Prateekhsa (Patience), Prem (Love) & Pooja (Prayer or surrender).

Life is not क for kamaana, खा for khaana & गा for gavaana। It must be useful for the betterment of the society too.

And there was this beautiful couplet she recited from Guruji which meant that when you sow a seed, you don't keep prying under the ground to see if the seed is sprouting or you don't water it 100 times a day to make it grow faster. Nature will take care of it, you need to have faith. Guru does the same with you, have faith.

HELP...I've been Tagged!!!

2007-08-23T01:24:00.000+05:30

I’ve been tagged from the land down under by O.M to list 8 random facts about me. So, I guess OZ is not that far after all. I salute you, your narcissism has wide reach ma’am! Who created Internet? Pata chale to let me know, will give him supari to take out O.M.

1)My 4 biggest vices: Food, Movies, Clothes & her.

2)I believe in authentic, heart-felt living. At the same time, there have been many instances where I do things despite being acutely aware that I should be doing something else. In short I’ve got ego.

3)When I care about somebody I can run from one end of the world to another end of a rainbow to make him/her happy & comforted.

4)I’m awful with money. I can’t refuse if a friend wants to borrow & I never ask it back. Seems too cheap to me to ask for my own money! Anyway, isn’t it the responsibility of that friend to return? And mostly it is not returned. But I don’t forget that loan either.

5)I believe if you are just doing your routine 9-5 work then U may as well be born as a dog or cat & do it. Being born as a human being we should do more for society, for other people. Seva is very important to me. And that doesn’t only mean making some one or a close one smile, when we feel like it. No, it means reaching out, going all out to make world a better place to live. I believe in ‘Gandhigiri’.

6)Probably the only 2 things that irritate me is people asking obvious, stupid questions and me being asked to repeat something more than twice & also someone pushing me in a corner to get something done. I can be fierce in such a situation!

7)I am in love & yeah love hurts, BUT only in ignorance. With knowledge even longing is bliss. Trying to find out how to make longing more pleasurable.

8)I could as well be a girl & a very graceful, intelligent, sensual & well mannered one at that, the kind you can take home….to your mom. For starters, I like pink (not that god awful, in your face bright repellent Barbie pink!), I love shopping, cooking, spending more money than the GDP of Tanzania & I kid you not, I must have been proposed by more guys (read Gays) than by women. Bloody Hell! If you are a guy, take my advice; do not prance around alone at night in Bangalore! Trust me!

Ok take the last one with a pinch of salt. The last random thing ‘bout me, before I reach over and strangle O.M with her gaudy pink scarf with pink hearts, for making me think so much at this time of the day:

8) And I feel a deep desire to be in a mature, growing & fun filled relationship. I want to hold someone in my arm, play with her hair, spoil her & just look at her smile and in her eyes all day long (do not throw up!), I really do. When I think back I’ve always wanted this. However, being in relationship so far, has been so much effort coz I become so bloody serious about everything that I forget to have fun & grow together. I can be a great friend but relationship is a different ball game all together. Still I long for one. And yet I’m not sure now, if I shall get married at all.

See? So contradictory am I that I could easily pass for a young woman, were it not for my handsome manly rugged appearance.

So passing on the sadistic virus, I infect Pratty, Suni Jij's and Abhi..MUHAHAHA!!

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Rules of the game:
Each player starts with 8 random facts/habits about themselves.

People who are tagged, write a blog post about their own 8 random things, and post these rules.

At the end of your post you need to tag people and include their names. Don’t forget to leave them a comment and tell them they’re tagged, and to read your blog .
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Chak de...Kuch kariye!

2007-08-14T05:54:00.001+05:30

Have you seen Chak de India, yet! If not, get the ticket reserved for this weekend and go watch it. It’s awesome, for lack of better words. (I often find myself bemused when it comes to praise something which is really grand, not know many helpful synonyms for the same!) I am anyway SRK’s fan, so I was bound to like the movie, but it’ll surprise you even if you are the biggest critic of King Khan. His performance has been remarkably restrained & yet powerful. No overacting and over show of emotions, which he has been accused of every-time, and I agree he really went over board in KANK. However, this movie shows why he is the badshaah of Bollywood.

I won’t reveal much about the movie but it’s based on real life story of Indian men’s hockey teams’ former Goal keeper Mir Ranjan Negi. The music is thumping & goes with movie’s theme – sports movie. The new female actors which form the Indian National women’s Hockey team have done great job. Esp. Harayana girl Komal Chautala with her Haryana slangs and language, Preeti Sabarwal– looks really pretty & the warring between the two & Balbir - Punjab da garam puttar. Movie’s been really well edited and directed. What amazingly fresh and brilliant Hockey astro-turf. YashRaj films have received a lot of flak lately, for their repetitive themes and skin show; this movie will silence the critics. NDTV gives 4/5 and Rediff.com 3.5/5 stars. A double thumbs up!

Had a blast in the theatre!!! We were 25 people and we screamed our lungs out. I have never before sung a song aloud during a movie. Being a Nationalist & a proud Indian I absolutely loved the movie. Got me thinking too about something totally unrelated. (Will come to that later.)

End of last month went for Yes++ in Ashram with Dinesh bhaiya. It was as expected – heartfelt, graceful & amazing (again for the lack of better words). Dinesh Bhaiya’s subtle humor really tickles my funny bone. Play of words, intonations, hand actions & expressions are really timed to perfection. Add to that, the immense knowledge he has & the pleasantness, power, commitment, charisma and lightness that goes with it makes him so inspirational.

The course was really cool with 20 of us from Chennai. Had lot of fun again, felt sick during the end of the course again, meditations were as powerful as ever, learnt & felt new things in me that I haven’t felt before. The experience was deep. Then Bau came & answered all kind of weird questions from us with such Grace, wit & knowledge that everybody’s mind went silent. We were all rolling on the floor laughing. Bau and Dinesh bhaiya work together as a team and yet they are the 2 most different people you can find, brought together by HIM for a common vision - being M.A.D (Make A Difference).

For the past few days, esp. after the upgrade got over, thinking a lot about HER. Coming back to the movie, the real life hero Mir Negi, had lost a son too few weeks before he agreed to guide and advise the movie team. Here’s a man who faced 16 years of humiliation after India lost finals to Pakistan by 1-7, he was labeled as traitor, his home was stoned, the electricity half way through his wedding was cut off and rest of the ceremony had to be carried on without it. Here’s a man who has been in exile for 1 and a half decades and yet apparently God thinks he haven’t had enough & his 19 year old son dies in a road accident. I don’t think that God is a sadist, in fact I have really interesting thoughts about him & I am a believer, still it makes me ponder – is there really a point behind every thing that happens or does not happen for that matter? Does everything happens for a reason or they are just events unfolding at random? I wonder that the way things are with her, does that have any cause behind it?

I know that’s supposed to make me stronger, matured & understanding. Our relationships are a mirror of ourselves – someone said once, I think it’s showing me how I am really and learning from it. However, that’s in the long run. What I don’t get is things which happen everyday, are they happening for the same or even different or any reason at all?

Anyway, I don’t have a clue why I am being the way I am for the past few days. The only thing which I want to do is talk to her & when she does so, I don’t even pick up the phone. The only thing I want to do is be with her, to sit next to her again, to dance with her again, to pick & drop her again, however when she is around, I avoid her. We were together for the movie but not a word, lunch – nothing, then we were together again in the home & all I would have wanted to play carom with her and sing with her or just listen to her but what do I do, I go to the terrace and listen to songs and think about old times and cry. How much more lame can 1 get? Then I faked it all (which I am not good at) during satsang after taking a Sankalpa of doing so in the temple before the satsang. The smile, the energy, the dancing everything. All I wanted was to be next to her, to at least look into her eyes but nothing!

I know people fake for all kinds of reasons. But why do we do something when we want to do something completely different? I know I am not alone. And I wonder when I’ll start being myself around her again. I believe in authentic, heartfelt living & not being able to that just makes me feel so weird and uncomfortable.

I have thought of & ruled out going to Bangalore, coz I don’t want to run off from her. I have thought of & ruled out quitting AOL coz I want to work with her & follow my commitment towards Yes!+, which has given me so much & not my feelings. I have tried to forget her or ‘get over her’, somehow it keeps coming back to me.

And the way whatever little we talk nowadays, feels so curt. Instead of 'Hi idiot', 'what r u doing', 'hw was ur day', it starts with distant sounding 'Jai Gurudev' and instead of ending with 'byeeee', 'TC', 'sweet dreamzz' or smiles it ends with 'Jai Gurudev' again. Feels so terse.

This post feels so heavy, but I’ll get back soon.
P.S: O.M, will post the tag soon, needed to get this out ASAP.
Vid1Div2: Will reply to ur comment soon.

Lage Raho Munnabhai Opening Poetry.

2007-07-18T05:16:00.000+05:30

Lage Raho is one of those few movies, which you can watch again & again & not get enough of it. A movie loved by everyone, like - DDLJ, Andaz apna apna, Chupke-Chupke, Golmaal etc.

This movie is also special because I watched it with all of my best friends & with Rajesh bhaiya & Kavi di. : )

And also Dinesh bhaiya mentioned once '...this is a very Art of Living movie.'

This poetry is one of the best ones I've heard in a movie. Very honest and true. Very touching & heartfelt. It also won Filmfare award for best dialogue.

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Shaher ki is daud me daud ke karna kya hai?
Jab yehi jeena hai dosto to phir marna kya hai?

Paheli barish me train late hone ki fikr hai
Bhul gaye bhigte hue tahelna kya hai?

Serials ke kirdaaro ka saara haal hai malum
par maa ka haal puchhne ki fursat kaha hai?

Ab ret pe nange pao tahelte kyu nahi?
108 hai chanel phir dil bahelte kyu nahi?

Internet se duniya ke to touch me hai,
lekin pados me kon raheta hai jaante tak nahi.

Mobile, Landline sab ki bharmaar hai,
Lekin jigri dost tak pahuche aise taar kaha hai?

Kab dubte hue suraj ko dekha tha, yaad hai?
Kab jaana tha shaam ka guzarna kya hai?

To Dosto Shaher ki is daud me daud ke karna kya hai
Jab yahi jeena hai to phir Marna kya hai?

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~ : )

Of Marriage & Relatives...

2007-07-18T03:45:00.000+05:30

Came back from my home town. I went there after almost 3 years! Nothing much has changed there though. Few of my friends have gotten married (one even had a new born baby boy; talk about jet age) & that has given my parents & relatives alike, extra ammunition in convincing me to get married.

Will come to that later. I also went to my nani's town, that too after 10 years!! Man, time sure flies! I met all my mausi's & mama's (mom's sis & bro's). Since that time, the government's red triangle idea of 'hum do hamaare do' was not conceived, my mom has sister's and brother's - yep plural, both. Add to that in a small town almost every body who ever said hi to you more than thrice, will surely become a distant relative, so I have an extra spare set of mausi's & mama's too. In fact nani & nana's too. :)

The kids who were kids before, have grown up all tall & in10 years new generation of kids have materialized. So, no wonder I didn't know 90% of the tiny tots, who were jumping all over me, crooning latest Himesh Reshamiya's songs in my ears with scaringly accurate nasal twangs, laughing in mysterious giggles, like one does if someone's fly is open.

One thing for sure, kids in small towns have still retained their innocence as compared to kids in urbanised India, where kids watch, listen & experience everything a little too soon for their young minds.

Then my mamaji explained to me very patiently & logically (I have to admit he was right though) that how postponing marriage delays lots of other things in life - Kids, their education, wedding etc.

If my mom is to be believed, some people have already referred new, unsuspecting female candidates for the profile of my wife & since I haven’t shown the green flag, she had to reject their offers.

First thing, I know how important is wedding in one's life. I don't know if I am ready for such a giant leap. May be I am, may be I am not. As per my sis if I am not ready, I'll be, after I get married-as others do. But I am not sure if I can inflict myself upon a poor soul (though girl's nowadays are anything BUT poor or innocent). Now, I am fairly nice guy, heck this is my blog-I am extremely nice guy (on 2nd thoughts, I read in some e-mail on pataoing girls few years back, that current trend is girls like bad boys...hmm what do you know, I might not be such a nice guy after all).

Even so, I don't have few much desired traits that a wife looks for in her darling dearest. Like, she would want to spend double the amount that I may earn. I am ok with that as long as she spends it all on me, but I think a fuse will short-circuit somewhere if, she wants to buy shoes #14 or suit # 103 or jewellery worth the GDP of Australia.

Then, I'm not patient enough to listen to all things she had to go through the whole day, how she got Tomatoes for 12 Rs. instead of 14Rs., how she won an argument with my mom or vice-versa, how she could have married anyone else other than me, how she would want this or that, how many problems she has at work. All that is ok to, if there's a point to it. Coz as soon as I’m gonna attempt to give her a solution, I'd be labeled as insensitive coz I don't listen. All she wants is someone to listen, while she vents for 45 mins & here I am, with my twisted nose, with the audacity to try to hand her a solution to her miseries. How can I?

Or on a weekend I might just want to watch TV or go to a movie or simply zzzzz…but she might want me to visit her friend no. 1546576 or to clean the house.

Anyway, fairly recently my life has got some direction. I finally have a sense of purpose and vision. Something that says that I am important too, something that tells me that I can make a difference too. Something that excites me, despite all odds. Something that inspires me to reach out, break my patterns, become more than what I am. And that thing is public service. More on this later.

So, I am not sure when or if I’ll get married. For all I know I might remain celibate as Dinesh bhaiya and serve or I may run away tomorrow & get married with the first girl who accepts my proposal. So if you are a good looking, traditionally modern (?) girl reading this blog, get in touch. So that I can propose, you can accept and we may run away.

I promise I’ll earn double than you can spend, I’d listen to your endless bitter tirades ranging from the child of a mosquito to the party habits of princess of Zambia-without interrupting & I’ll pretty much do anything on a weekend to keep you from running away. But Of course promises are meant to be broken. :0)

Kuch Shaayari Ho Jaye...Irshaad!!!

2007-06-20T00:04:00.000+05:30

Kya Kahen Ab Apni Hakikat.
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Hakikat na puch mere fasane ki,
tere jate hi badal gayi nazar zamane ki,
log puchte hai mai khush kyun nahi,
kya kahu meri toh aadat thi aapke sang muskurane ki.. !!

Unki Yaad Mein..
----------------------------------
Humne unki yaad mein kitni cigretten zala di..
per khambakhat dhuen ne bhi unki tasveer bana di..
Mit na jaye tasveer unki..
Mit na jaye tasveer unki..
isliye humne ek aur jala di..!!

Mushkil Swaal Zindgi Ka..
----------------------------------
Koi aankhon aankhon se baat kar leta hai..
Koi aankhon aankhon mein mulakaat kar leta hai
Bada Mushkil hota hai tab Jawab dena..
Jab koi KhamosH rehkar Sawaal kar leta hai..!!

Asliyat Is Aashiqui Ki..
----------------------------------
Who aate to hain magar tan se nahi,
who bhethe to hain magar man se nahi,
kaun kehta hai, wo pyaar nahi karte,
karte to hain magar humse nahi.. !!

Umeed Phir Bhi Dil Mein..
----------------------------------
Dilon mein aarzoo ke diye jalte rahenge,
Aankhon se aansu nikalte rahenge.
Tum shama bankar dil mein roshni kardo,
Hum mom bankar yuhin pighalte rahenge..!!

Paigaam Humari Taraf Se..
----------------------------------
Zindagi me hardam haste raho,
hasna zindagi ki jarurat hai
zindagi ko iss andaz me jiyo k apko dekhar,
log kahe wah zindagi kitni khubsurat hai.. !!

Insomnia
----------------------------------
when i am with you,we stay awake
when you are not here,i cant sleep
praise god for these two insomnias
and the difference between them.

Ashram Yes++ rocked!

2007-06-19T02:20:00.000+05:30

Hi ya,

Coming back to the blog world after a long time. Was in Bangalore 1st week of this month for the heavenly Yes++ with Guruji. Man, the combinations were just electifying. Guruji, Vishalakshi Mandap, Ashram, Bawa, Food, Full Moon, Meditations...

Since I did my 1st Yes!+ I would see people burst into tears just at a glimpse of guruji or when being near guruji. I never really understood this phenomena. There I would be standing with feeling nothing when guruji arrives and people around me are feeling all kinds of emotions known to man kind & I'll be thinking - huh?! Untill now. For the first time, after a year of being actively involved in Art of Living I cried at the glimpse of guruji! It was on the day when we were coming out of silence. We were doing one of the simplest yet torturest (I'm sure there is no such word, still it's deceptively painful) meditation, this could easily have been used in concentration camps to keep the few rebels in there skins. 20 minutes of pain, and when we opened the eyes, lo and behold Guruji was sitting as gracious as ever, smiling in front of 400 of us blessed souls!!! We went delirious with joy!

I went numb...& within few minutes I was in tears, of gratitude, of peace, of strength, of happiness, of hope. It was just so beautiful!...tears just kept trickling down my cheeks. But the heart was light as a feather. Entire being tingling with the sight of him. It's a sight that can only be experienced.

People would throng, push, pull, kill (with a smile!), jump, do everything that'll convince a monkey that these people surely must have been in his family sometime; to get near guruji, to touch him once, to be blessed by him, to talk to him. It was so amusing, yet I understand the joy people are experiencing & the gratitude they just can't express fully. I, for one, feel so comfortable just to see him, I don't tumble others to get near him - coz I know he is close to me , or shout my lungs out to talk to him - coz I don't need words to talk to him, to touch him - coz he is a part of me & I am a part of him & to get blessings from him - Coz I know I am blessed.

I wonder & pity those people who have not experienced anything like this in their life time, who are caught up with things that don't matter, with routine 9-5 stuff, yet I am greatful that I've felt it. I feel for people who just reel in there minds, intellectualising his effect on the world not knowing that he transcends mind & intellect, that this knowlege can only be experienced not debated or understood through words or concepts of the head.

Although, just like Rishikesh Yes++ I would sleep off in between the meditations ever so often. Bhaiya did gave an answer to this, that whatever my body needs, will be given to it.

The games, all the activities, meditations, knowledge all seeped deep in. I was so free and myself during this course. During silence I felt completely detached & disconnected from everyone around me, which was little difficult at first coz I've started to feel everyone as a part of me, as a part of god. I had 103 fever last day of the course, still I was there in VM at night for Bawa's session - with a blanket. Commitment before feelings put into practice.

One thing that I still can remember vividly is the sense that I can do anything. Things which used to hold me back from being my true self, from being complete no longer are there. I have the power within me to change the world, one step at a time.

Missed her at times at night. One more beautiful event was the moonlit nights every night of the course, with guruji guiding us through the meditation in the amphitheatre in front of VM & answering questions. We stayed in the new rooms in 'Aparna'. It was awesome! I could see the moon from the window in my room, snuggled up in my bed. Thought about her. No questions, no answers, no events, no voices, no fights, no past, no future - just her spirit. It was nice.

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I was reading something about guruji and discovered the reason why tears well up in people's eyes, when they see Guruji is - Devotion - the highest form of love. And perfect example of that is Kavi di.

All the pick up lines one can ever use :)

2007-05-23T02:28:00.000+05:30

Excuse me, beautiful, mind if I stand next to you and do some talking? I don't mean to intrude, but I couldn't help but notice that you were sitting all alone and enjoying yourself. There's just one problem: If you're here right now, then that means heaven must be missing an angel or something to that effect. Though I doubt anyone's noticed since there are so many angels up there anyway.

I'm trying to say that you're hot.

You look pretty tired, though. Maybe it's because you've been running through my mind for a while. I think about hot women a lot, so for the purposes of this argument let's just say you were one of the ones that I'd previously been thinking about, even though we just met. Are you considering going home with me yet? Because if not, I could ask you if it hurt when you hit the ground after falling from heaven. I know I already said the thing about you being an angel, but maybe you didn't catch it the first time. Or if you did, maybe it will seem like I'm building off that. I'm trying to tell you that you're pretty like an angel I want to sleep with, is the point.

What else is there? Oh, are you from Tennessee? Because I think you're a seven. I might have gotten that wrong, but you get the gist of it. I'm using the name of a state to express how much I'd like to see you naked, but I don't really care where you're from.

Can we just go now? All right, well then why don't you tell me your sign. I don't really believe in astrology, but maybe you do and will go home with me because I come across as open-minded for mentioning it. I think I'm a Virgo. Pisces? One of those. I'm sure we'd be good together, because you're very attractive, as I've said before, which I think is really the most important thing anyway. Speaking of which, do you have a license? Because you're driving me somewhere that's complimentary to you.

Your eyes are blue like the sky or water, whichever you prefer. And your lips are really red like—I don't know—that girl's lips over there. I didn't quite say it right, but the sentiment is there.

So do you have a boyfriend or what? Because I don't have all night to waste on talking to you if you're dating someone.

Do you have a mirror in your pocket so I can see myself in your pants? How about a quarter, so I can call my mother and tell her I found the girl of my dreams? I'm not actually going to call her, because she's been dead for two years and it's actually up to 35 cents now anyway and I'd probably just use my cell phone, but I'll take the quarter from you if it will get you in the sack.

We should go back to my place and do some math. We'll add a bed, subtract our clothes, and do other math stuff related to love making.

Look, it's obvious where this is leading. I'm saying all the right things and you haven't walked away yet, so let's just cut to the chase: Do you come here often? If so, would you like to go back with me to my apartment and get down with me? What if I told you I would rearrange the alphabet for some reason? I'm thinking of asking you what you'd like for breakfast tomorrow, in the hopes that you might sleep with me because I implied that it's inevitable.

Can you see where I'm going here?

I guess I should say I think I've seen you someplace before. And I don't mean earlier, when I was staring at you. I'm pretty sure we've met in a past life or in my dreams or something, so you should feel comfortable lowering your standards around me. Also, your shoes are nice, so I'm sensitive and observant. If you really need me to, I could buy you a drink to show you I have some money.

Wait, don't go. Just one more thing. I lost my phone number. Can I have yours so I can call you later about borrowing some money?

What were You thinking???!!!

Timeless!

2007-05-20T10:01:00.000+05:30

Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional.

Make your actions an expression of your happiness, rather than looking for happiness in the result. Be happy NOW.

There are 2 things: Seer & the scenery. Seer is you & secenery is the world outside, ur feelings, thoughts. As long as you are stuck in the scenery, you'll be miserable. To be Happy, blissful & at peace you have to separate yourself from the scenery & come back to the self.

Yes!+

2007-05-17T23:04:00.000+05:30

Brand new day, brand new course. This course is even more special coz I've worked on it from the scratch. Getting a database of people to call, calling approx. 80 people in just 2 days, leading other people, organizing the venue, talking to VVKI & other people for course requirements etc.

People are so funny. You offer them a fantastic life changing opportunity to experience & they will come up with all sorts of silly reasons to convince themselves why they can't do it. "I can't do the course, because the venue is very far." Yeah right, Mayajaal to bagal mein hai na, when you want to see a movie, or pondi is next door when you want to go for a outing. 1 girl "I cannot do the course coz my home is 4 Km from the venue & at night I'll have to go alone". 9:30 is night for you? And they say women is equal to men in all ways. Even security watchmen doesn't sleep by that time. Or "My office gets over by 5:30, so I cannot reach the course by 5:30'. Bloody, then organize, manage & finish your work & leave 30 minutes early for 5 days. "My mummy doesn't allow". Are you sure you are not 80 years old? When you wanted that 2k dress or bike then how'd you convince your mom???

Anyway, I put in my 100% & I was able to exceed the target set by bhaiya.

There are 3 type of questions & 3 kinds of listening.

Questions:
1) Superfluous: E.g How are you? You don't really want to know or are intereted in knowing the answer, but still you ask. Ueless, pointless questions likes asking a friend in a theatre: What are you doing here?

2) 2nd type of question is a question, answer to which, you already know. This question is asked for 2 reasons:
a) To show off that you know the answers or for confrontation with the person you asked the question to, to prove he does not know it.
b) For confirmation. To get a seal of approval from someone verifying that the answer which you had, was in fact correct.

3) Question that comes out of a honest or prayerful mind. Where you really want to know the answer * question is realy important.

It is said in Upanishads, that for a question to qualify as a right question it should meet following criteria: It should be asked to the right person, at right time, in right manner, in right place & then, may be you will get a right answer.

3 types of listening are:

1) Intellectual: Where you hear from your head & your mind is constantly saying either 'Yes, Yes' or 'No, No'. You are not really listening to what the other fellow is saying, you are listening to what you want to listen, to the information, right or wrong, that is in your head.

2) Emotional: You are blown away by the speaker, however the effect lasts a short time. You listen from your heart.

3) When you listen from a prayerful, objective mind. Where there are no judgements.

This will be another blissful & fantastic experience.

Random Musings Of Ironical Kind.

2007-05-07T00:55:00.000+05:30

In Oriental, secrets are treated as sacred however, in Occidental secrets are termed as shameful. Come to think of it, that's how even I think. I cannot make sense of secrets. I'll think of the worst if I come to know that some thing's been hidden from me. They make me uncomfortable, chiefly because I have Western opinions on secrets. If somebody keeps a secret from me, it would be because that secret was a dirty one. I have had lots of difficulties due to just this simple incorrect concept in my head. It's much simpler & positive just to accept most secrets as sacred. Sure, there will be some people who'll keep secrets from you, which should be told in all honesty. However, these will be few & far in between & if I treat all secrets as ugly then it'll effect peace of my mind & my relationships. So, take secrets to be sacred. Respect them.

There are times when I wish, if only I had perfect memory, the photogenic kind. Whatever I see, read or hear one time, can get imprinted in my head. I mean that's one sign of intelligence - good memory. There are also times when I wish, if only I can forget few things from the past, get a few brain cells freed. Few old moments not so good enough, few details or small stuff not relevant anymore, some feelings etc. my life will be much simpler, more honest & innocent. Then I thought about people who have lost their memory, they can't remember a thing from their life. How empty would there life be? All details, feelings, experiences, reference points gone. They would literally give anything to remember their past, to get their life back. Art of letting go - something I need to get better at.

There are times when I want to be all by myself, just in my world. Day dreaming, creating, rejoicing, sulking, reflecting, being crazy - whatever. A single noise can make me so edgy. And then there are times when I would want to be with people. Not that I don't want to be or can't be with myself. I have gotten better at enjoying my company. I can be alone yet not feel lonely. Not doing anything to keep me occupied, yet be at ease. Still there are times when I want people around me. Talk, sing, dance, observe, tease, laugh, cry, share - do whatever with them.
I need balance here again. There are times when I want to alone right in a middle of a party or in the office & when this feeling comes I just become aloof. Bad timing!

There are times when I wish that if all the noise can fade off just for a few minutes, if people can just shut up for few minutes, stop the intellectual diatribes & explainations, meaningless unsure jittery conversations, I can experience & float in the peace that ensues. Then I think of people who do not have the gift of listening or have lost the ability to hear, how silent there existence would be. Would they be able to touch the Peace which, I seem to assume, would be so tangible in there lives?

Then there are times when I want to be quiet, silent. Just listen, observe, absorb or drift away in my own world. Again this may happen when I am required the most to talk, when I am with people. Slight prodding from someone to say something will make me edgy. And then there are times when I'd I think of people who do not have the gift of speech or who have lost the ability to speak, how silent there life would be? How they'd express themselves & their agony of inability to express a feeling to the person they love, in words. Then there are times when I would just blabber. Even when there's nothing left to talk I'll talk. Even this produces dullnes. Guruji says 'purpose of all the questions & answers, of all words is to create silence in the mind'. I want to talk as clearly & effectively as possible. Less words more understandings, few sentences deeper silence.

One thing that I'm learning is - Being Grateful. Being grateful for what I have & stop complaining about what I think I deserve. I would still strive for more however, with contentment & gratefulness for what I already have & less feverishness for what I want to achieve. Life is beautiful if I look at what I'd got than what I lack or what I should have. Choice is between a life of abundance or life of lack. As it's said "I complained about my shoes untill I saw a man with no feet". As the saying goes - 'Those who are grateful for what they have, will be given more...". Accept things as they are...

Time, an office boy & a king have same time - 24 hours in a day, it's how they use it, what they do in that time counts. That's what makes a king a king & the office boy an office boy. We complain of not having enough time to do things - esp. the things which we'd like to do the most or the things which are the most important. "Ohh I'd love to attend the course, I really need it too, I am so stressed out but I don't have time because...", "Ohh I'd love to learn dance/music/swimming, I've always wanted to since I was a kid but I don't have time because... Well then! Time flies anyway. It's 1 year since I did the course last year, 2 years since I joined my Co., 5 months since I wished Happy new year, this year, 3 months since the last advanced course & I don't know when the time just flew! I can't list 20 new things which I did in this time.! Sometimes we wish time to run, sometimes to stop, sometimes it crawls at it's own pace even when we want otherwise. In any case, it flies, it ain't coming back, so make the most of today. Do the things that you WANT to, instead of doing things that you HAVE to. Do what you want to & then do what you have to - to make it happen, to see it through.

Our belief creates our reality & if our beliefs aren't creating the reality we want, we better look into our beliefs & change them. Patterns of habits, of looking at & perceiving things, of reacting, of doing things, all are formed over certain period of time. Become aware of those patterns. If certain patterns have not worked in the past change them to create a new present or better future. A belief can either limit you or free you, expand your horizons or imprison you. Broaden your vision.

Zindagi Rocks!

2007-05-04T18:29:00.000+05:30

Yes!+ got over on Wednesday. This was by far THE best course by Rajesh bhaiya. And as I mentioned earlier, first one in which I did a lot of work including conducting Surya Namaskar's & getting & managing divine shop.

The added bonanza was the surprise presence of Dinesh bhaiya. He has been invited by Virginia tech University to bring peace & strength to the friends & family of it's students. He had to complete Visa formalities the next day. I went to to the airport to pick him up alongwith 2 friends. We waited for about 20 minutes & the moment I saw Dinesh bhaiya - in white kurta, back pack, flowing hair, there was this gush of positive energy & happiness. Everybody was gazing at bhaiya wondering who is this angel with long flowing hair, beautiful smile, radiant face & a walk that says "I own the world" & at the same time "I belong to you". His presence is so positively powerful. We literally flew back to the course - courtesy momo, as it was already late in the night. Bhaiya spoke to the participants for about 15-20 minutes & that was enough to spread his charisma around.

Learnt a lot in this course even though I was suffering from viral fever. First time I gave 100% in all the processes.

Some of the points which I would remember are:

- Neither demand nor offer explainations in a relationship.
- Demand destroys love.
- True love is knowing that the person you love is neither yours, nor can be taken away from you.
- Know that you are blessed. This is all you have to do. On this path if you take 1 step divine will take 100 steps for you. Know that you are taken care of.
- Ego is nothing but not being natural, not being in your nature.
- Belongingness reduces ego.
- A, B & C of life.
Awareness of self, thoughts, feelings & fact that everything changes.
Belongingness to others, with love.
Commitment before feelings.
- Youth is Autheniticity, Intensity & enthusiasm.

- Learnt few things about managing & getting things done.

- If you cannot see God in the next person you see, you will not see god ever.

- Love & respect does not mean obedience.

- Some virtues we have to assume we already have, to cultivate them.

- Responsibilty=Power; Irresponsibility=Complaints

- Be grateful - you'll stop blaming & grumbling. Be grateful for what you have, no matter how little it is, you'll be given more.

- Make Guru your priority, rest will fall into place. Be with the light of knowledge.

- SHOW anger if you have to, but don't GET angry. Be Centered.

- Grace is what follows after you've given your 100% & surrendered the feverishness for the result.

- Life is a game. It's a ball to play with. Don't take life too seriously. When you take life as a game you'll see that everything that happens is part of a game. As there are wins & losses in a game, so is their in life.

- There is right time for everything; right time to ponder big questions in life & time to enjoy the simple things in life.

- Things are as they are, we label them beautiful or ugly.

- In the realm of body effort is required, however in the realm of the mind effortlesness is the key.

My B'day wish, although did not come true, I am sure she remembered my B'day & thought about me - fondly or otherwise. Felt bad that night as I was hoping for a week that she'll at least wish me in some way. Bhaiya asked, as if he knew, the next day "how many of you were able to maintain the smile all day long." I replied that I lost it for about 15 minutes thinking about this but then thought of some of guruji's knowledge, let it go & got back to myself. He he, bhaiya said 'Tathastu' 15 minutes to be upset is granted. :) Bhaiya has such sharp, clear, soulful eyes that it was impossible for me to look directly into them for more then a few seconds!

Last day, people hugging each other, posing for snaps, tears in the eyes, contentment of completeness on the glowing happy faces - all reminded of my own course done May last year, with her.

"Suppose quesions get suppose answers with suppose meanings" - Bhaiya on being asked a hypothetical question. :)

Getting ready for the next course. It will be a blast again!

Day1

2007-04-27T23:34:00.000+05:30

Day 1 of a brand spanking new course. This is going to be an intimate course of 15 people & bhaiya. For the 1st time I am involved in a course from the very beginning. I spoke to people about it, informed them about it, got a few registrations, gave suggestions for improvements, prepared the hall, made the participants comfortable etc. Bhaiya has viral fever, still the smile never fades, intensity is 100%. Amazing!

I remember the 1st course which I did, May last year. Differences in me, my desires, thoughts etc. since then.

Q1. What do I want in life? (Be as specific as possible)

Ans, Then: Peace of mind, forgetting & letting go of certain feelings, events, people from my life, clarity, see things in proper perspective, finding my purpose.

Ans, Now: Car - Palio or Chevrolet-UVA, lots of new clothes esp. Kurtas, Laptop Dell or HP or Compaq with big screen 1 GB RAM SB-Live ATI-Radeon, letting go of things, being detached or dispassionate after helping someone & from results of any task I undertake, loving her unconditionally, being more assertive & comfortable esp. in a group.

Q2. What bothers you in life?

Ans, Then: Liars, arrogant & selfish people, street children's mentally & physically challenged children's, population, traffic, pollution.

Ans, Now: Nothing that is outside of me bothers me! I am bothered by my own wrong/immature/sub-conscious choices & attitudes, reactions/responses to events/people. However they may be - wrong/right, bad/good I am bothered by how I take them, how I perceive them. When I haven't given my 100%. The way things are with her.

Q3. What do I expect out of this course?

Ans, Then: All the things mentioned in Ans 1.

Ans, Now: Nothing. Just listen without judgments (art of listening), be 100% in all the processes, be aware & in the present moment.

Let's see how it goes...

Ab na jaa...

2007-04-23T15:54:00.000+05:30

Yesterday was bhaiya's brother's 'Roka' ceremony. Though it took me quite a while to understand that's what it was. Both, the bride & the groom were not present & we were invited to the 'Engagement' ceremony. Anyway, had nice time with cutie cheeks Sarveshvar & Shrikhar jumping all over 'Ashwani anna'. Food was delicious! Felt good while doing some 'service' after a long time, for the oldies. It's interesting to imagine how the families from both the sides would have come together, began a new relationship & have become one family. Just think, a few months ago they probably did not even know each other & even if they did they wouldn't have thought that the girl of one family & the boy from another family will bind them all together. That, I think, is one beauty of the institution of marriage.

Saw her during the ceremony yesterday. I wanted to talk to her, but I knew I won't. Not untill she wants to talk first. In fact I don't even look at her directly nowdays, coz that just reminds me how much I miss her. That's the reason i did not attend the satsang by our new band. I wanted to be there & cheer for her, sing with her, but...I missed her a lot esp. in the past 2 days. I got angry also thinking how can she not call or message me for so long. She left little early too. Got to know that she got upset coz other guys were teasing her for something. She even cried a lil' bit. She is not the kind who generally cries, at least not in front of others & not for something silly. Felt bad. Thought of messaging her, but didn't. Atleast I am not the one who is making her cry... or may be I am, dunno.

Nostalgia engulfs me

She was dressed in something like this lady in Euphoria's song. As soon as I saw her, this song - my favorite, just leaped up into my consciousness. Got nostalgic. Everything in this song reminds me of her & times we had together. Lyrics sing, what I feel. The candles, the snap, lyrics, bracelet, ear-rings, rain....Everything brings up this memory or that. I was sitting on the terrace of my home late in the night, enjoying the cool breeze, listening to this song, reading her messages, looking at her snaps. Feeling nostalgic but not sad. Few tears rolled down, but didn't feel sad, just missed talking to her & being with her & doing things with her.

I really hope we start talking at least on my B'day. That'll be the best gift I can ask for. That is my B'day wish.

This was my 2nd attempt at poetry for her.

2007-04-18T19:14:00.000+05:30

Why does one loves?

Why does one loves another? is a question sometimes we ask
To find this out, is such a difficult task.
Do we ask the rays, why the sun glows?
Do we ask the fragrance, why the wind blows?
Do we ask the ocean, why the water flows?
Do we ask the mountain, why does it snows?
Do we ask a seed, why does it grows?
The answer is; that's how god wanted it to be

& thus is god's wish for me, to love thee!
Love shouldn't be difficult; love shouldn’t be this hard,
It's not understood with the head, but is to be caressed with the heart.
You can't analyze, then bisect this & dissect that and then open it all apart
Coz my dear it's my heart and not your architecture chart!

That night when you were sleeping, I watched you for a while
That night when you were sleeping, all I could do was look at U...& smile.
That night when you were sleeping, I kept holding your hand
That night when you were sleeping, I knew this is where my heart will land.
That night when U were sleeping, the beating of my heart I could hear,
That night when you were sleeping, I know I could cry tears but still want you near.
I can still feel the fragrance and softness of your hand,
& ur lips parted as u broke into a smile, u hugged me closer & the moment was grand.

When I close my eyes I see your face,
When I sleep, I feel you and I embrace,
When I worship I pray
That you find the way
to my heart by 'his' grace.
When I laugh, I realize you are behind,
When I cry, You, I cannot find.

Cupid must have hit me with more than an arrow or two,
coz no matter what happens, I can't stop lovin' You.
Sometimes you take me for granted,
And that's not what I wanted,
I have learnt some things from my past,
To be able to look at my self in my own eyes, is one of that.
I have my dignity,
Please do not try to take it away with ur vanity.

I know U too feel something inside.
That, U do always want to hide.
U too want to fly, U too want to soar,
It’s has been a long moment in time for U to be trapped behind doors.
I want to give U wings; I want to fly 2,
And when U do, I want to be next to U.
I want to reach out and into U
I want U to reach out to me too.
I want to listen to your pain,
And those feelings of loss & fear which u still retain.

I want to travel with the rays of your hope; I want to soak in the warmth of ur smile,
I want to taste your tears; I want to walk with ur doubts
I want to brush away all the dark clouds,
I want to dive deep into ur heart & touch ur soul.
I have known U inside me in the waking hours long before we met,
A possibility to love you, I do desire to get.
Your voice, ur words, ur touch, ur presence, ur spirit to me is sublime,
For U I shall wait till the end of time.
I want you to give me some sign,
That 1 day I’ll be yours & U’ll be mine.

More than myself I Love You,
Coz 'I' have died for myself and in 'U' I live.
From you all my powers & strengths emerge,
In you all my efforts & hopes converge.
Life has a purpose, with U in my dreams,
But in your absence, death looks more meaningful.

In this story I might be the only person, who dies,
And I'll die because I Love You
And U don't seem to get a clue,
But One day, someday, something will warm your cold cold heart,
And U will find me gone, long gone, dead
In fire & blood.

But until then let my heart churn,
and for you it must yearn.
And then when I have crashed & burned
I hope this truth you would have learned,
That, you knew love all along,
That I loved you...just You and nobody else
Not ur semblance, not ur body,
...I just loved you, without a reason or excuse.
………………………………..
With Love,
~ @$h…

Happy New Year!!!

2007-04-14T00:14:00.000+05:30

Today is Tamil New Year - HAPPY NEW YEAR!! If you made any resolutions on English new year, time to gauge your progress & if you promptly forgot your resolutions on the 2nd day of new year, time to renew them.

Today was mega satsang. One of my fav. songs - Radhe Govind Krishna Murare was sung. The song is heavenly, you just have to hear it. It has this contemporary feel, Garba beats, is very melodious & relaxes you instantly. Yo can't but sway with it. Meditation after that was deep.

Today I saw her, after what seemed liked ages. She was looking lovely as usual, although I liked her long curly hair better.

Felt nice. Did I feel sad or angry? No, I was infact happy just to see her & also not stressed as I used to be earlier, worrying who she's talking to or which guy is talking to her. Felt free. I did feel nostalgic, thinking about the good & bad times we had together. Anyway, I was happy just to see her smiling & content that at least I am not there to make her sad or cry. She laughs so exuberantly now days. Don't know if she's really warm & happy inside or is this just another mask of hers, to hide something. Anyway it warms my heart to hear her laugh. Just feel, if we can share the smiles & laughters sometime....

Both of us still can't be in the same room together because both feel uncomfortable & conscious.
Although I was much more in touch with myself than before. I have become more accepting of situations, places, her, what happened between us & myself. I am much more aware of what I am feeling/thinking & how I am responding/reacting.

She still thinks what I did was wrong, & I don't blame her for that. I know I haven't done anything wrong & my intentions were not wrong either, but I cannot & will not explain this to her, again. So, until she is ready to talk again, I'll wait, with faith.

Speaking about blame, I have realized the futility of holding someone else responsible for how I am feeling. I give away so much control & power to that person, over myself. Responsibility is the key word.

So, may this new year brings more Joy in her life, more warmth to her heart & more smiles to her lips; & new brain cells to me. Resolutions or no resolutions may you be kind, peaceful & happy. Amen! :)

It feels good.

2007-04-12T01:44:00.000+05:30

Everytime I think about these, I smile!

Think about them one at a time before going on to the next one . .

-Waking up and realizing you still have a few hours left to sleep.
-Laughing for absolutely no reason at all.
-Finding 10 rupee note in your shirt pocket, after it had been washed & ironed few weeks back.
-No lines at super market
-Hearing your favourite song on radio
-Midnight phone calls that last for hours
-Having someone play with you hair/cheeks/ears/fingers
-Accidentally overhearing someone say something nice about you.
-Knowing that somebody misses you.
-Knowing you've done the right thing, no matter what other people think.
-Running into an old friend and realizing that some things (good or bad) never change.

Random Thoughts.

2007-04-06T22:37:00.000+05:30

I've been doing a lot of reading nowadays (most of it during office hours ;) ) as I am on this path & I have come across various intriguing thoughts which have struck a positive chord with me. So thought will put those up here:

=================================================================
Deep inside in some corner, every thought lives a life, in a same way we live. The more u give time to each thought, the more it lives. Thoughts which don't get time will eventually die. Your body speaks the language that ur mind understands and it can really stretch to any limits you desire. In short "nothing is impossible".."
=================================================================

"It hits you suddenly, how alone you are, nobody with you and you are all by yourself to figure out what to do next, where to go, whom to ask."

"That is how it is in life, isn't it?"

People who were fast friends once are strangers today. Strangers seem more familiar. The guy you spoke your heart out to once upon a time today thinks before saying hello to you. The girl who you thought knew everything about you, waiting on you head and foot, today doesn't stop to look if you are alive, and how.

Feelings, changing, changing, turning around, sooner or later. And my friend was right. That is how life is. You are out on this field that is your reason to be, and it is once full, once empty, but each time, you are out there alone. To fight your own battle. The closest of friends, the truest of lovers absent in the face of the magnanimous.

Just you and life, standing face to face, in neutral silence. Armed or otherwise.

You accept it. Because soon you see that is the way it is, not a handicap, but the rule of the game. This is the way you have to play it. After a point of time, you notice others too, all alone, standing in their very own Kanteerava Stadiums, empty or not.

And then you know you are not lonely. Growing together, not apart.
==================================================================

"I think there are phases of life, one phase of life i am with someone sharing, laughing, movies, getting pampered, having fun. It feels good to depend on somebody, almost there is the urge to be dependent on someone. It feels good...that feeling is lovely...

and there is this other phase of life wherein I am all alone, trying to figure out things in life, but these are the phases in life, when actually I venture out and do something different something creative, something new, things which I otherwise may not do.

I guess both phases keep coming and going not in any particular order, or time duration...that is why life is fun :D "
===================================================================

"...you have to learn to depend on yourself for everything.... and everything includes happiness too... I don't mean that you should not have family, friends or lovers or whatever to support you whenever you feel the need for it.... but you should learn to depend on yourself for everything... to fight, to pick you up, to bring a smile on your face....

you need to do this so that you allow them to get the time and energy to find that happiness within themselves too... in the pursuit of searching within yourself for happiness you unleash sparks of creativity within you... if you depend too much on others then you stifle the creativity within them...
==================================================================

P.S: Thanks Reema, Goli & Alistair.

Of Appearances & Choices.

2007-03-27T04:30:00.000+05:30

Why do we sometimes pretend to be somebody we are not? Why do, when we actually want to do one thing, but end up doing something else? Why can’t we say what we actually want to say instead of keeping quiet or saying something that doesn’t really matters? Why are we indifferent with some of our friends while cheerful with others?

I am referring to the situation that’s going between the two of us. We are not talking but we want to. I see her everyday but I don’t as much even look in her direction, forget about looking in her eyes. I want to sit next to her, to talk to her; but I don’t. By the time she left yesterday it was late & although what I really wanted was, to drop her back home, however I didn’t. We met her at her home today, but I did not as much said a Hi or Bye to her. She looks at me & although I want to smile back, I don’t. I pretend that I don’t even notice her, that I do not have any feelings for her, anymore; but I do.

I’m consciously aware that this is because of the set of choices I’ve made in the past 3 weeks, after we actually stopped talking. I had actually reached the tipping point of being unhappy & miserable & doing & saying hurtful things, out of ignorance, unintentionally. I did not like what I was becoming. Although I accepted to myself, the fact that I was hurting so much, however what I hated the most was the way I was passing on that hurt to her. I hated the fact that I had become so weak, that I’ve stopped smiling, that I’ve become so silent from outside but there is so much noise inside my cranium, that I’ve become so bitter & resentful, however more than anything I despised the person that I was becoming.

I had reached a saturation point where I had to do have a radical turn around. It took me a long time to really understand that our life is what we choose to make of it, our life is result of our choices & what we are and how we feel is actually the way we have chosen to be & feel. I cannot blame anybody for the way I am feeling or for my circumstances. In any situation what happens to you is not as important as how you take it & how you respond to it. Our attitude does define our altitude’.

I’d hit rock bottom when I screamed at myself “ENOUGH IS ENOUGH! This is not what I want to be feeling & this is not who I want to be. This is just not me. This behavior is not right & is not fair to me or anybody else, and I better take stock right now.” I decided that first & foremost I need to start applying the 5 core secrets I learned in Yes+ almost a year ago & which I promptly did not practice. Over the months though, I’ve come to appreciate the truth, the universal ness, effectiveness & the profundity of these principles. And it was about time I put them in practice.

Apart from that I chose to remember these principles always, esp. when I start to fall into old habits & thought patterns:

1) Keep smiling, always. Nobody & nothing is important enough to snatch the smile of my face. Whatever happens, keep smiling, no matter what. Be happy.
2) I’ll be free to the extent I give freedom to others. Freedom to: say, do, be what they want.
3) Every moment presents itself with choices. Every moment consists of joy and/or tension, it depends on me what I choose. There’s no one to blame.
4) Rajesh Bhaiya told me once ‘Demand destroys Love’. I choose to set her free. She is free to do what she wants, let her be with whoever she wants, if it’s meant to be she’ll come back; if not, then some one better will come along, for me & for her too ‘cuz;
5) Everything happens for a reason & everything happens for the best, even though if it seems otherwise in that moment.
6) Be centered. Observe myself. Remember that feelings are fleeting. One’s which are not – surrender them. In any case I am not my feelings. Be unshakable.
7) Don’t get stuck in unpleasant or even pleasant sensations & experiences. Then those moments which you reminisce about, bring more misery. I surrender them before sleep everyday. I am fresh & new everyday. Pleasant or not past is past, live in the present moment, ‘cuz;
8) This is the only time I have - to be & do anything. Again it’s my choice how to make it count. And we get entangled in past or future only because we think that present moment is not enough, because we are not happy in the ‘now’, we try to find happiness in other times. Now is full of opportunities & challenges. I’ll be greatful for the present moment, no matter what.
9) I should be my best friend first, coz if I do not have an amicable relationship with myself how can I have a successful relationship with anyone else?
10) Find humor in life. Esp. in the things which are unpleasant. Half of the battle is won if only I can see the challenges in proper perspective & a good laugh does just that. If you look at some of the toughest moments in your life, you’ll laugh at most of them & you’ll laugh at the way you over reacted. Every cloud has a silver lining. Be optimistic.
11) The times when I feel insufficient, when I don’t like myself are the times when I havn’t given my 100%. I am aware now which guna is prominent in me at a particular time. I observe when I am not feeling myself & why.
12) Do whatever it takes! To be free, to be content, to be light, to get solutions, to love; a simple rule - do whatever it takes. Do that which scares me the most, to be liberated from it. Have the valor of the lion.
13) Become aware of my thought patterns & habits. Know when I am reacting on the basis of my habits & patterns & to comprehend things with knowledge & to respond with awareness.
14) "If you are against someone, you have no freedom from them. If you find fault in someone, and your mind is set against them, know that you are stuck with them, glued with them! Super glue!". Learn to forgive for my own peace of mind.

The reason I am not contacting her is because I declared to her the day we spoke for the last time that, I did not do anything wrong & with no wrong intentions & that “Even though I want to talk to you, I would not try to make any contact with you. You let me know when you are ready to talk” Hence, I haven’t initiated contact, as promised. For my part I said Sorry. She asked for distance, she has got that. She wants to reduce the distance; she’ll have to take the first step unequivocally. I am waiting. Both of us are being stubborn as usual. But, I think it’s for good. Right? She is happy with what she is doing now (I hope), with whoever she is talking to. I am focusing on becoming a better, stronger man, which is great for me.

I love her & nobody else can take her place. However, I am not ready to have a casual relationship with her, right now; the ‘Hi & Bye, How are you, I am fine too’ kind of superficial relationship. So even if we do not talk again, although it will be awful but it will still be better than having a pseudo relationship, where she refuses to open up. I will still love her & I guess this way it’ll be much better as I will not worry about expressing my love or waiting for her to confess her love to me or loosing my sleep over which guy is she talking to. I can wish the best for her, do things & care for her without letting her know. No complications.

We had reached a road where neither we were happy together nor we were growing together, but still we would feel the absence of each other. That’s Tamsik relationship. I believe that it’s neither a pre-requisite nor necessary for 2 people to be always happy together, to have a great relationship. But even if & when they are miserable & there are conflicts, they should be growing, maturing, developing, and changing for good. If neither is happening, there is no sense in being together. It’ll only create more negativity. So, it’s only smarter to take some time out to reflect & understand & then come back, as compared to growing apart permanently. She means a lot to me so I am taking that time. I still miss her but I am not morose. I really want to talk to her but not talking to her is not making me restless now. It’s more a Satvik state of being. There is no feverishness. As Rajesh bhaiya once said ‘The nature of the true seeker is such that if he has something he will enjoy it 100% but if he doesn’t have that, he will not become sad.’ That is bondage & freedom.

These 3 weeks have been great. I have been able to stick to my commitment of applying these rules, observing myself, surrendering when I start to fall back & growing fluidly. I truly hope that I come out a much stronger man & that we start talking as before. Till then:

The woods are lovely, dark and deep,

But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep.

Celebration!

2007-03-21T02:37:00.000+05:30

Celebration means......

A foggy winter evening.
Four friends.
One barsaat.
Eight Samosas.
Four glasses of chai.

(OR)

Hundred bucks of gas.
A trusted old bike.
Walkman in the pocket.
And a lush green open road, at dawn.

(OR)

Maggi
A hostel room.
1.25 a.m
A season of F.R.I.E.N.D.S

(OR)

3 old friends.
3 separate cities.
3 coffee mugs.
1 internet messenger.

(OR)

Rain on a hot tin roof.
Pakoras deep-frying.
Friends dropping in.
A party.

(OR)

You and mom.
A summer night.
A bottle of coconut oil.
A head massage.
Gossiping about absent family members.

(OR)

Her.
Me.
Midnight.
Phone.
Fight & Giggles.

(OR)

New Clothes.
All Friends.
Building full of lights.
The night of Diwali.

(OR)

Overnight Train Journey.
Berth full of friends.
2 pack of cards.

A child's laugh, kadi-chaawal, surprise birthdays, aloo ka parantha with curd & butter, a diving catch, under the clouds on a moon-lit night, beach on a winter morning, smiling faces, picking the tab after dinner in a restaurant with mom & dad, her hand in mine, making someone laugh, crying during a movie, doing the thing that scares you the most & the rush afterwards......

The most precious & memorable moments are the simplest & quietest ones.

This was my adaptation of a sweet mail that's going around.

The Last Kiss.

2007-03-20T07:41:00.000+05:30

This weekend I watched: The Last Kiss. Everybody makes choices - What's yours? It’s a drama disguised as romantic comedy with lot of depth & soul. It makes you laugh & compels you to reflect. It’s about realizing that life is all about making choices. We make some good choices & we make some bad choices out of ignorance. It’s about finding what you want from life & being true to yourself in that pursuit. It’s about realizing when you’ve made a wrong choice, accept its consequences & make corrections. It's about those times in your life when you are on crossroads & making a decision is all too painful & difficult. Honoring our responsibilities to those who we love & care is supreme - but at times doing so means contradicting our own feelings & desires. What ever we decide, we must be prepared to live with the consequences, because in the end that's our choice. It’s a story of 4 friends since babyhood & the relationships which they have/go through with people they come across. Backed with some very melodious music & skilled performances.

The main story is of the leading pair, perfect for each other, deeply & happily in love with each other, living together, about to have a baby & about to get married. The guy is living the perfect life, as he had dreamed it would be when he’d turn 29. However, this is when the guy freaks out that there will be no more mystery, no more adventure in his life. What happens next is there story. How he makes one bad choice & how there relationship is changed & how he realizes what he really wants out of life.

Another couple is married with a new born baby & how he feels suffocated with his neurtic & over bearing wife. His wife is too much stressed in trying to take care of there child that they forget they also have a relationship between them which is slowly turning sour. How he confronts this with her wife, the turmoil they go though & how they both decide what will work for both of them

Another guy is still in love with his child hood sweetheart, who has split with him. But since they share the same friends circle, he keeps bumping into him. And that’s a problem because although the girl has moved on to seeing other people, he is still in love with his first love. How he tries to handle his feelings & the hilarity that follows is his story.

Last guy is the guy who just wants to have fun with women with no attachments or comittments. What happens with him & how honest he is with what he thinks is right is his story.

Then there are the parents of the leading lady who have been married for 30 years, how they come to terms with their relationship, how they deal with their truth & quietly strengthen the relationship is their story.

The movie is beautifully interwoven with the deep friendships these 4 men share & their relationships. You know the kind of friendship where in your friend knows every little detail about you, all your dark secrets, the one with whom you can be as crass or as disgusting or as absurd as possible & he would still laugh with you or advice you, without judging you, he/she knows everything that you’ve been through, your likes & dislikes, the one who is your anchor, your refuge, the one you rely on when nothing makes sense, the ones you can go to even at midnight.

"It doesn't matter that you 'Love' her. What you feel is only for you. The only thing that matters is what you do to the people you say you love."

Recommended watching!

The color of obsession is blurred!

2007-03-17T01:37:00.000+05:30

Obsession - The very sound of this word conjures up images like Shahrukh Khan in Anjaan & Darr, Robert De Niro in Cape Fear, Nana Patekar in almost all his movies etc. However, obsession isn’t always a drive on the wild side & it’s not restricted to the ‘bad guys’.

How best to make a person understand it? I guess by letting you screw a screw in. Just try that. At a certain point you can let go right? You no longer feel the urge to keep turning it in. You know and maybe feel it is okay to stop. This is very much a feel- thing.

What It Is Like To Have Obsessions.
EXAMPLE. Here is an example which is probably not scientific, but here goes anyway. Tell yourself to not think about a pink elephant.I mean really tell yourself that thinking about a pink elephant is not okay, so you can't think about it. Not only that, visualize that Pink elephant you aren't allowed to think about.No Pink elephant, no Pink elephant, no Pink elephant..... Okay, now go look inside your mind, you will probably find that "Pink elephant" is found all over the place. Probably, if you keep doing this for long enough, a pink color in your surrounding might be enough to think about a... Pink elephant.Bad bad bad, I said don't think about a Pink elephant. This is called Thought Avoidance Paradox. What you resist - persists.

And now imagine that this thought you are not allowed to have or rather that you don't want to have is beyond your control and is really stressful in content. That what you are thinking of is not a pink elephant, but instead you taking that knife you see before you and stabbing your mother or guru or brother/sister or you thinking about your girl friend/boy friend, whom you adore more than anything in the world, in the arms of another man/woman or you believing that you’ll drop that chubby little nephew of yours down the stairs, every time you think of holding him.

Would you think it's just a thought, or would you try and find out the why's of you having these thoughts and try to alleviate the anxiety they provoke? What if, you convince yourself for the first couple of times that these are just thoughts; however they would keep tormenting you continuously, without any explanation or warning?

Obsessions are thoughts, images, or impulses that occur over and over again. You don’t want them, you may find them disturbing, and you may realize they don’t make sense: but they continue to dominate your life. Obsessions may be accompanied by feelings of fear, disgust, or doubt. These are recurrent, persistent and unwanted/intrusive thoughts, images, impulses that cause the person much anxiety/distress. If you have OCD (Obsession-Compulsive Disorder) you may try, subconsciously, to "divert" your mind from your obsessions by performing "rituals" or compulsions. Compulsions are acts you perform over and over again, often according to certain "rules." The person feels overwhelmed by the feelings which seem to intrude in every aspect of his/her thinking & are very disturbing thus triggering much anxiety & discomfort. They will try to suppress or neutralize the thoughts/images/impulses by other specific thoughts or actions. Obsessive-compulsive disorder, also known as OCD, is characterized by a combination of obsessive thinking and compulsive behavior, and is often accompanied by feelings of anxiety, depression or both.

Sri Sri Ravi Shankar says that feelings always change. Don’t give them too much importance. I don’t know yet what his thoughts are on such disturbing feelings that occur again & again & again which forces compulsive actions to ease the ache & stress it causes. Sudarshan kriya doesn’t works when such a feeling is triggered inside the mind time & again. Observing & surrendering it doesn’t help either.

The Obsessions and what they stand for are often in harsh contrast with the person's own convictions and beliefs which makes their impact only greater. A mother absolutely in love with her baby, getting images of stabbing her baby, out of nowhere. A devoted husband ecstatic with his married life & completely in love with his wife receiving continuous images of cheating on his wife or his wife cheating on him, for no reason. It’s terrifying & baffling!

We can all be concerned about how we look, but some people take it bit more seriously than others. Gambling, Movies, obsessed with people, obsessed with a famous person, sex, shopping, obsessed with appearance are but some of the obsessions people have. Seen As good as you gets? Jack nicholson is obsessed with the thought of getting infected with germs and thus, have to wash his hands frequently, with multiple soaps, discarding each soap after 1 use, not touching restaurant cutlery & carrying his own with him, avoiding accidentally touching someone while walking etc.

Compulsions: are physical or mental repetitive behaviors that are used to prevent & relieve some of the anxiety caused by obsessions or to prevent a dreaded event or situation. The control found in doing actions in a very precise manner is very contrasting to the chaos the obsessions are creating in the mind. Although while using this system, the person is aware that it is realistically not connected to the obsessions he is trying to neutralize or avoid in any way, but still it provides him with much needed respite from such feelings. But soon the anxiety returns and then starts the “Cycle of OCD”.

The combination of feelings of having anxiety triggered, not being in control of this and finding relief through actions that give you a sense of being in control makes OCD cycle a self supporting system. The whole time you get positive re- enforcement that this seemingly senseless behavior is actually helping. Although this is not completely true since it has no long- lasting benefits. But still, when anxious, these rituals seem to be a small price to pay, until you get stuck in that vicious circle and find that instead of adding some wanted stability to your life, these rituals are robbing you of your freedom. The person gets a just right feeling after doing these actions.

It is said that most of us have distressing thoughts of violent or sexual nature, which just pop in to our heads. Most of the times they don’t make much of an impact; they don't tend to stick in the person's mind, but more importantly, the person can dispel them as being just a thought. After some time you won’t even remember that you thought like that or you can discard them as ‘Just a thought’. It would be like that dream, which made you restless but which you can’t remember, & thus you begin to believe that you never saw a dream in the 1st place, it was just a feeling.

So why does the normal thinking process effect people with OCD differently? Well, the thoughts don’t let go of them, no matter how hard they try to get rid of it or ignore it. They have a constant feeling of:
“What if I do this?’
“What if these thoughts are for real?”
"What if these thoughts say something about who I am as a person or who my loved one is?”

Part of them knows that this is just a thought, but the OCD part continues, with its relentless doubting. SO they try to find the how’s & why’s for such thoughts & hiding the all the knives in the house, washing there hands continuously, checking if doors/windows/locks are properly shut excessive no. of times etc.

Loss of control
Everyone has occasionally been tempted to do something out of the ordinary, or inappropriate, or even something that breaks the law. However, most of us are able to resist these impulses.
But people who suffer from OC spectrum disorders find it impossible to resist urges to behave in a way that they know is ultimately harmful, either to themselves or to others.
There is mounting evidence that OC Spectrum disorders, like OCD, are partly caused by a deficiency in the neurotransmitter (brain chemical) serotonin. However, some researchers think an excess of another neurotransmitter called dopamine could be a contributing factor. Still other researchers think that they are caused by crucial past experiences & the imprints left by it on a person's psyche & how the person dealt or not dealt with it. They recommend cognitive & behavioral therapies to understand & cure it.

A bad obsession is the constant focus of energy on something to the point that the obsession causes harmful consequences in your life. A good obsession would be focusing on solving a problem or focusing on something good. They are both bad when they are to an extreme but can be fun experiences when they are done in moderation.

My 1st attempt at writing poetry for her.

2007-02-20T18:52:00.000+05:30

I am sorry, for the things I said
Coz even though I want to, I can't take them back,
I am sorry, coz I hurt you
But I was hurt too,
I am sorry, coz I made you feel bad
I guess I had gone mad,
I am sorry, that I was mean
But every time you seem to go far away, I just want to scream,
I am sorry, that I am not good enough
But I'll be there when the journey is rough,
I am sorry; I don't know what else I shall do
But I do know, with all my heart - I Love You.
Please Forgive Me, for making U sad
I don't know, what went into my head,
Please forgive me, as now nights are lonely & chilly
I am sorry, for being so silly ,
I Miss You & I pray
That U choose not to go away,
Remember all the good times we had,
& all the things, into the night, over countless messages we shared,
I am hoping you stay
And in the cradle of Love, Fun, Joy, Bliss, Care, Understanding, Patience, and Belongingness...our Friendship will always sway.
So, what shalt thou say?
Do U want to pack up or do U wanna play?
We are 2 sweet n stupid people, who go coockoo sometimes & we should always be together,
Coz not doing so, will be a crime against nature!
I can't seem to think of more words, which seem to ryhme,
Coz U have infected me with Ur infectious enzymes!
I do need someone to look after me and some one to care,
if U cant do it, even though I do it for U, then do it for my pretty, silky hair(?) (Koi aur line ja rahi nahi thi)
Please bear me sometimes, for the ways in which I act
and if still U r not coming back, I am going to cum n kick ur butt!

`Love
Ash.

P.S: She liked it!

Favorite dialogues from famous romantic flicks.

2007-02-20T03:05:00.000+05:30

“Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain.”

"Do you ever put your arms out and just spin and spin and spin? Well, that's what love is like. Everything inside of you tells you to stop before you fall, but you just keep going."
- Practical Magic

"When you love someone,And you love them with your heart,It never disappearsWhen you're apart.And when you love someoneAnd you've done all you can do,You set them free,And if that love was true....When you love someoneIt will all come back to you."--Forget Paris

Horace Telemacher (Steve Martin):How come we don't always know when love begins,but we always know when it ends?--LA Story

"The only feeling of real loss is when you love someone More than you love your self."-- Good Will Hunting

"Don't you hate that? Uncomfortable silence. Why do we feel it's necessary to talk about bull in order to feel comfortable? That's when you know you've found somebody really special. When you can just shut the hell up for a minute and comfortably share a silence."

"I love you. And not, not in a friendly way, although I think we're great friends. And not in a misplaced affection, puppy-dog way, although I love you. Very, very simple, very truly. You are the epitome of everything I have ever looked for in another human being. And I know that you think of me as just a friend, and crossing that line is the furthest thing from an option you would ever consider. But I had to say it. I just, I can't take this anymore. I can't stand next to you without wanting to hold you. I can't, I can't look into your eyes without feeling that, that longing you only read about in trashy romance novels. I can't talk to you without wanting to express my love for everything you are."
-Chasing Amy

Samantha: I have to ask you a question. It's a good one so think about it. If two people love each other, but they just can't seem to get it together, when do you get to that point of enough is enough? Jerry: Never.
-The Mexican

"To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering, one must not love; but then one suffers from not loving. Therefore, to love is to suffer, not to love is to suffer, to suffer is to suffer. To be happy is to love; to be happy then is to suffer, but suffering makes one unhappy; therefore to be unhappy one must love or love to suffer or suffer from too much happiness. I hope you're getting this down."-Love and Death

"I love that you get cold when it is 71 degrees out. I love that it takes you an hour and a half to order a sandwich. I love that you get a little crinkle in your nose when you're looking at me like I'm nuts. I love that after I spend day with you, I can still smell your perfume on my clothes. And I love that you are the last person I want to talk to before I go to sleep at night. And it's not because I'm lonely, and it's not because it's New Year's Eve. I came here tonight because when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible." - When Harry Met Sally

"You can't express every feeling that you have every moment that you have them." - When Harry Met Sally.

"It is a strong woman who can keep her wits about her when you are trying to steal her heart. She is my match in every way. Please tell me I haven't lost her.---Prince Henry, "Ever After

"Young lovers seek perfection. Old lovers learn the art of sewing shreds together and seeing beauty in the multitude of patches.---"How to Make an American Quilt"

"We need a witness to our lives. There's a billion people on the planet... I mean, what does any one life really mean? But in a marriage, you're promising to care about everything. The good things, the bad things, the terrible things, the mundane things... all of it, all of the time, every day. You're saying 'Your life will not go unnoticed because I will notice it. Your life will not go un-witnessed because I will be your witness'." - Shall we Dance.

"Charles: Ehm, look. Sorry, sorry. I just, ehm, well, this is a very stupid question and... , particularly in view of our recent shopping excursion, but I just wondered, by any chance, ehm, eh, I mean obviously not because I guess I've only slept with 9 people, but-but I-I just wondered... ehh. I really feel, ehh, in short, to recap it slightly in a clearer version, eh, the words of David Cassidy in fact, eh, while he was still with the Partridge family, eh, "I think I love you," and eh, I-I just wondered by any chance you wouldn't like to... Eh... Eh... No, no, no of course not... I'm an idiot, he's not... Excellent, excellent, fantastic, eh, I was gonna say lovely to see you, sorry to disturb... Better get on...
Carrie: That was very romantic.
Charles: Well, I thought it over a lot, you know, I wanted to get it just right." - Four Weddings & a Funeral.

"Only in the mysterious equations of love can any real logic be found."
A Beautiful Mind

"Whenever I despair, I remember that the way of truth and love has always won. There may be tyrants, murderers and for a time, they may seem invincible, but in the end they always fail. -" Gandhi

"There are only four questions of value in life.
What is sacred?
Of what is the spirit made of?
What is worth living for?
What is worth dying for?
The answer to each is the same. Only love."
~Don Juan Demarco

"Love is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. That is just being "in love" which any of us can convince ourselves we are.Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident. Your mother and I had it, we had roots that grew towards each other underground, and when all the pretty blossom had fallen from our branches we found that we were one tree and not two."~Captain Corelli's Mandolin

"I understand with love comes pain, but why did I have to love so much?”

2007-02-20T02:12:00.000+05:30

Ok I am aware that my blog is drooping under the mass of the posts. Well, I can’t help it lately I’ve made some tough choices and life’s been heavy on me. However, as soon as Stella (in this case me) gets her (his – since it’s me) groove back, the attitude of this blog will transform into something much lighter, brighter & happier & other nice things ending with ‘er.

However for now, let me persist in my search. These are some of the reasons I could find because of which we fought like cats & dogs. (That reminds me she has very strong blood-soaked nails & when she pinches, it feels like a thousand small but very real ants who have mistaken me for a sugar flavored delicacy, munching away. Also, that proves that I am sweet!)

Anyways, I proceed with the causes.

Insecurity: 1) Because of my inferiority complex. I don’t feel I am good enough than other guys. I felt everybody else is better than me when it comes to her & they are better capable of keeping her happy always (think SRK in KANK). I know that I care for her immensely and none of the guys could match upto that, still I felt that any moment she will cut off everything with me because of some other guy who is every thing that I am not. I felt that I don’t look good and she has a strong liking to chat intensely, with extra helpings of affection & she keeps checking out guys; who are good looking enough to get the role of hero’s best buddy or heroines best friend or brother easily in a bollywood masala movie, whereas I wouldn’t even be considered as an extra for a Bhojpuri movie with the names like ‘balam pardesiya’ & ‘Didi tora devar deewana’. So, whenever she would be acutely engaged in tête-à-tête with such minions-of-Satan disguised as elves, my ego would take a severe beating, like Venkatpathy Raju coming to bat with Rahul Dravid.

Trust: 1) I did not trust her completely because what she says & what she does is sometimes completely different. For e.g. She says that she is not interested in guys however she keeps checking everybody out, she says she doesn’t want to be in a relationship then why does she flirts with every good looking guy who starts talking to her; she suggests that she is very smart in checking guys out & they wouldn’t know that they are being checked out, but the guys observe too and they are not as dumb as widely believed & when she talks to such a guy her body language reveals everything; she says that she checks out guys just for fun & doesn’t mean anything serious then how come she has got over 50 proposals & she is still doing the same things around guys again & again which, encourage them to approach her. Or for that matter she says she used to check me out when she first saw me however I have my own doubts on that or that she says I look handsome (ahem!), I think the glasses she wears sometimes ought to be replaced with those of Amitabh Bachchan’s, which he is so fondly hated in Chupke-Chupke. 2) She has lied to me a couple of times & broken her promises. Like that time when she said she’ll never stop talking to me & now she’s promptly forgotten she ever said that. 4) I do not trust majority of the guys who come slobbering after her. They appear to me, a re-incarnation of Shakti Kapoor (decently dressed &amp;amp;amp;amp; well mannered one though) & Ranjeet & come to think that they are still alive, freaks me out.

"Doubt is a pain too lonely to know that faith is his twin brother."

"Jealousy lives upon doubts, it becomes madness or ceases entirely as soon as we pass from doubt to certainty."

“Doubt is not the opposite of faith; it is one element of faith”

The green eyed monster: 1) I get jealous when she flirts with other guys because with me she won’t even talk graciously in others company, she’ll wait to reach home to message or call or for the time when we are alone & no one is around us, to say 1 sentence to me. 2) I get jealous when another guy gets close to her physically (think of me as Preity Zinta in Armaan). 3) I get jealous when other guys flirt with her openly & very obviously and she responds to them. 4) I want to do everything to help her out & I get jealous when somebody else does the things which I want to do –like helping her out at her home with her assignments or picking her up & traveling together & dropping her back, offering suggestions & ideas, sitting together during satsangs or courses or talking to her late into the night. Now, thinking of some chump edging past me ominously to park himself nicely beside her or to lay a hand on her with cheesiest of excuses or to drop her back home, makes me dangerously prone to succumb to limfusircuma-of-the-intestine (Rajesh Khanna in Anand)

Jealousy is that pain which a man feels from the apprehension that he is not equally beloved by the person whom he entirely loves.”

"Love may exist without jealousy, although this is rare; but jealousy may exist without love, and this is common.”

"Jealousy is nothing more than a fear of abandonment”

"Jealousy is a distorted from of Love." - Sri Sri Ravi Shankar.

Conflicts: I think about her a lot & miss her when I am not with her or not talking to her, I wonder where she is & what she is doing. This makes me look like unemployed-30-something-hairy-chested-lurking-in-the-dark-misguided-youth with way too much free time on his hands; but I assure you I am neither of that – my parole officer will vouch for that. I miss her a lot; not as much as I miss having muscles or having toothy-smile-with-dimples. When she is lost in her thoughts (which she loves, infact after Masala Curry her favorite thing to devour is Worry) or when we fight I can’t seem to divert her mind or make her smile anymore – which earlier I could do easily & I absolutely love to do (not that she has a heart warming smile or anything like that but it’s re-assuring to know that there still are people who find my jokes amusing). I swear, this one time she screamed with such force, when we were on our way back to home, that apart from de-boarding a dozen of guys hanging onto the local bus passing by, due to the shock wave; the alarmed auto-driver also forgot all sense of directions and his natural auto-wallah instincts & thus he not only returned all the money she gave to him; to me (well my pride demands, that when a girl yells at me I rather have her pay the bill, that way I can at least hold on to my money, after loosing the air of high self opinion & the capability to hear too), he also requested for directions to his home.

“Whenever you're in conflict with someone, there is one factor that can make the difference between damaging your relationship and deepening it. That factor is attitude.”

I don’t fight with her (chiefly because only she does) to tell her what to do or what not to do, it’s not that I don’t want her to talk to other guys but because I am so scared that I’ll loose her to them. I have no right to take away her freedom & I have no intentions of doing that either; however; all I want is to feel more secure when I am with her. I was looking for assurance from her that she’ll be with me & my fears are baseless. I have not been able to express my feelings to her & so in my frustration of not been able to say what I feel and her consequent misunderstanding of my feelings I fought with her. I put her down a lot, which I learned recently, that’s how I’ve learnt to deal with conflicts from my childhood experiences. As per Transactional analysis of parent-adult-child relationship, I react as a condescending parent during conflicts, because that’s how my parents would react to me when they would have a discussion with me.

I wanted to tell her that no matter what she does, I will still love her always, and I am happy when she is happy. So if what she is doing, truly gives her joy, than regardless of how I feel - I am happy for her. I wanted to say that I am sorry that I act this way, it kills me to talk to her this way, it absolutely makes me insane to feel this way around her, but I did not know then why I acted this way & how I can change for good. I could not deal maturely with my feelings & I held her responsible for what I was feeling & I hurt her then because I could not bear the hurt in me anymore. I did not fight fair & I did not handle conflicts properly which lead to more misunderstandings & arguments. When I get upset, I would expect her to call & ask me what the hell happened now but it’ll take min. of 2 days for her to contact me and then too that event will promptly be forgotten by her (yeah she has selective amnesia!). Repeatedly this happened and instead of calling right away she’ll still wait & then not discuss the reason what made me to behave in that manner.

“Conflict builds character. Crisis defines it.”

She says she accepts me as I am & no matter what I’ll always be her friend & she understands me, but she doesn’t. She says that she has never compared me with Vas, but she always does that. She forgets that they were friends for 4 years & thus more closeness & they did not share such feelings which I had for her from the beginning & thus no fights. It took only 6 months for them to part ways when he expressed his feelings for her. If they were together & met each other in the same circle, they would have fought too, although they would have resolved issues which I couldn’t.

“I'm not supposed to love you, I'm not supposed to care, I'm not supposed to live my life wishing you were there. I'm not supposed to wonder where you are or what you do...I'm sorry I can't help myself, I'm in love with you.”

Permanent Solution to a Temporary Problem.

2007-02-17T01:26:00.000+05:30

Suicide is the act of willfully ending one's own life. According to official statistics, about a million people commit suicide annually, more than those murdered or killed in war. As of 2001 in the USA, suicides outnumber homicides by 3 to 2. Men die much more often than females by suicide, while females attempt suicide more often. Men-Women suicide ratio is 3:1. Males are more likely to end their life by violent methods (guns, knives, hanging, drowning etc.) while women primarily overdose on medications or use other ineffective methods. Our country’s IT hub South India is the world’s suicide capital. Kerala, the country's first fully literate state, has the highest number of suicides. Some 32 people commit suicide in Kerala every day. Out of every three cases of suicide reported every 15 minutes in India, one is committed by a youth in the age group of 15 to 29. Total number of suicide cases recorded in the whole of India in 2002 was 154,000.

Till a couple of years back I was strongly against people who talk about suicide or who actually commit suicide. I saw them as extremely weak & cowards, who do not have the courage to fight back & live life. Ending a life is easier than to live through the pain & challenges & learn to grow out of it.

"The most authentic thing about us is our capacity to create, to overcome, to endure, to transform, to love and to be greater than our suffering.”

One quiet icy winter morning, one of my best friend, picked up a pen & a piece of paper, with trembling hands & teary eyes he wrote a suicide note to his parents, etching the reason he cannot bear to live, went in his parents’ room, took his father’s revolver out of the locker, loaded it with 1 bullet, stuck it in his mouth, closed his eyes shut & pressed the trigger.

This was over 6 years back. I still cannot believe that my friend who was athletic, good-looking, confident, always stood up for what he believed in, amused the teachers & the class alike with his precisely timed comments everyday, ranked consistently in top 5 of the class, could take such a drastic step. I still believe, without a shadow of doubt that if he had reached out to me or another friend, he would have been alive & very successful today.

Depression is the foremost cause of suicides. Reason behind it can be anything ranging from disappointment in love-business-academics etc. & the resulting pain & stress, to feelings of emptiness & hopelessness in life etc, to illness due to chemical imbalance in brain like bi-polar disorder, schizophrenia etc.

People commit suicide when pain exceeds resources for coping with pain. People having such thoughts are NOT weak, flawed or crazy. It doesn’t even mean that they really want to die - it only means that they have more pain than they can cope with right now. If I start piling weights on your shoulders, you will eventually collapse if I add enough weights... no matter how much you want to remain standing. Willpower has nothing to do with it. Of course you would cheer yourself up, if you could. There are many kind of pain that may lead to suicide. What may be bearable to me might be unbearable to you. Individuals vary in their capacity to withstand pain.

People resort to suicide to get relief from pain, paradox is they forget that ‘relief’ is a feeling and they have to be alive to ‘feel’ it. When pain exceeds pain-coping resources, suicidal feelings are the result. Suicide is neither wrong nor right; it is not a defect of character; it is morally neutral. It is simply an imbalance of pain versus coping resources. You can survive suicidal feelings if you do either of two things: (1) find a way to reduce your pain, or (2) find ways to increase your coping resources. Both are possible.

Despite the facts & recent knowledge & research about suicide, there is so much social stigma associated with people suffering from depression & suicidal thoughts. Think about it. What’s the 1st thing we think about someone who says he/she wants to commit suicide? We invariably think 1) They are in pain or 2) They are weak and stupid or manipulating. Some of us will actually increase the pain by reacting badly to it, by saying or doing thoughtless things either because they are frightened or angry or they simply don’t know how to react. It’s because of this shame & cultural stigmas that are attached to such feelings that people are scared to even reach out to others to seek help. Ironically suicidal thoughts are just that a cry for help!

"Suicide was against the law. Johnny had wondered why. It meant that if you missed, or the gas ran out, or the rope broke, you could get locked up in prison to show you that life was really very jolly and thoroughly worth living.”

Suicide is like damaging the body to put an end to mental pain. It’s like applying a band-aid on a toe & hoping the head-ache will be cured. Spiritually a person who commits suicide will be re-born with same feelings & will be re-born with worse circumstances. Anyways, if a person is confiding in you that he is having suicidal thoughts, he is desperately seeking help & giving you a chance to do whatever you can to lessen the pain, help him/her re-gain faith & see things in perspective.

After lot of heart burn I’ve fortunately reached out to my friends and the best resource I have to cope with my pain is Art of Living & guruji’s knowledge to go deep into myself and hopefully understand, touch & heal the pain. Plus, helping her discreetly, talking to her & fighting sometimes also helps. It’s another matter that pain & such thoughts grow exponentially when I think she is with some other guy or when we don’t talk for couple of days.

I’ve decided to stay & keep loving her - come what may & that gives me strength & hope to go on.

Hats off Mr. Stocksdale!!

2007-02-16T00:56:00.000+05:30

Recently my manager discussed a marvelous book called ‘From good to great’ by Jim Collins. The book tackles the question ‘Can a good co. become a great co. and how?’ The author researched the performance of 11 revolutionary companies over the period of 40 years & discovered that a great company is made by A) Disciplined people; ‘who’ before ‘what’, having the right people at the right places; B) thinking Disciplined thoughts - start by confronting brutal facts - the Stockdale Paradox & developing it’s hedgehog concept i.e operating model by answering 1) What are we good at?, 2) What are we not good at & 3) What are our core people deeply passionate about; C) taking Disciplined action - culture of Discipline - people have responsibilities not jobs & Flywheel - no single miracle idea or moment, pushing giant flywheel in 1 direction to gain momentum till point of break through; D) Build greatness to last which can span multiple leaders & not around 1 charismatic leader - Preserve the core & stimulate progress “what we stand for” (which should never change) and “how we do things” (which should never stop changing).

The book coins ‘The Stockdale Paradox’ which is named after Admiral Jim Stockdale who was the highest ranking US military officer imprisoned in Vietnam. He was held in the infamous “Hanoi Hilton” and repeatedly tortured over 8 years with unimaginable brutality. Collins describes going to lunch with Stockdale and trying to understand how he survived 8 years as a POW while so many died after just months in captivity. Here’s how Stockdale put it.

*****

“I never lost faith in the end of the story,” he said. “I never doubted not only that I would get out, but also that I would prevail in the end and turn the experience into the defining event of my life, which, in retrospect, I would not trade.”

I didn’t say anything for many minutes, and we continued the slow walk toward the faculty club, Stockdale limping and arc-swinging his stiff leg that had never fully recovered from repeated torture. Finally, after about a hundred meters of silence, I asked,
“Who didn’t make it out?”

“Oh, that’s easy,” he said. “The optimists.”
“The optimists? I don’t understand,” I said, now completely confused, given what he’d said a hundred meters earlier.

“The optimists. Oh, they were the ones who said, ‘We’re going to be out by Christmas.’ And Christmas would come, and Christmas would go. Then they’d say,’ We’re going to be out by Easter.’ And Easter would come, and Easter would go. And then Thanksgiving, and then it would be Christmas again. And they died of a broken heart.”

Another long pause, and more walking. Then he turned to me and said, “This is a very important lesson. You must never confuse faith that you will prevail in the end—which you can never afford to lose—with the discipline to confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.”
*****

Throughout Stockdale's captivity for approx. a decade, his wife Sybil campaigned for respectful treatment for the families of all POWs by founding the League of Families, apperaed on television shows, even met Korean officials all in the effort to bring her husband home. All along believing & hoping with all her existence that, one day, she’ll see him again. I wonder how she would've felt at nights or at times when she'd be alone, when her husband's memory will haunt her, she wont even be sure if he is alive & if he is, how would he be, knowing full well about the attrocities he would be facing?

Now, this is Courage, an Indomitable Spirit & True Love !

A Choice & a lifeTime.

2007-02-15T23:19:00.001+05:30

If someone you adore infinitly doesn’t reciprocate yor felings – what do you do? If your best friend doesn’t speak to you anymore because of some misunderstandings & few bitter quarrels, would you give up the friendship? A couple of fights & would you forget the good times you had & overlook how much you care for each other? Or would you choose to stay, to stick with your friend? Would you be in that relationship even though, for now, there is no reciprocation of feelings & sometimes more misunderstandings, pain & loneliness than support, joy & companionship?

This year, I have hit crossroads in my life as far as love is concerned. I have to choose should I bail out too; give up on 1 person I love to death? Or should I find myself, mature (finally!), find the meaning of true love & unconditional love, love her even though she doesn't (probably won't) & still be happy for her?

Well, I’ve been back & forth between the two roads. I know that choosing the 1st road is comparatively easy, serene & cheerful, hell it will be a PARTY!. I will find someone else (lots of fishes in the sea, rite!). I will not feel lonely; I’ll be spared of the gut wrenching pain I feel at times, which makes even inhaling & exhaling a workout in itself. There are more chances that I might find someone who understands me & is expressive. However, when (& I will) hit a road block in the new 'relationship', because I - the Me inside has not changed at all, in fact I'd have a lil more baggage I'd be bringing in with me; I'd be feeling the same feelings, going through the same emotions, dealing with conflicts the same way - none of which have worked in the past & I’ve ended up hurting the person whom I love the most.

"Love is the ultimate and the highest goal to which man can aspire. Then I grasped the meaning of the greatest secret & wisdom that human poetry and human thought and belief have to impart: The salvation of man is through love and in love." - Holocaust survivor Victor Frankl (Man's search for meaning)

I choose the road less traveled. I can find 1000 reasons to quit however I have 1 reason to keep going that beats everything & that is - I Love Her! I suppose it's time to finally grow up. I do not want to feel insecure, be jealous, possessive, and distrustful whether I am with her or not, anymore. I want to be centered, balanced, understanding, on top of my emotions, be able to communicate better, patient, trusting & be much better in expressing myself esp. during conflicts. I want to know myself better & I want to understand her better. If I can relate to myself 100%, only then can I relate to her. I want to be more confident. I want to be more skillful. I am committed to change. I understand that it will not happen overnight & for the change to be deep & lasting I would have to shift my beliefs, perspectives, change my thought patterns & habits. I know that this will be a painful journey for me as it requires me to look into my demons in the eyes and acknowledge them to change them. It would require a lot of courage, determination, will & knowledge.

I mean, I find it morally & ethically incorrect to break up just beacuse we are going through a tough phase. I am sure we all have seen 'soulmates' break-up for silliest of excuses. Nowdays, couples are in 'Deeply in Love/friendship' untill things are smooth, rosy & candy flavored. Once the rose tinted glass comes off & candy turns sour & the ride gets rocky, they run for their lives - in seperate directions. Every relationship goes though phases & if people survive tough phases with knowledge, strength & belongingness then they would have learned so much more about each other & themselves & things would take a turn for better. How can I just give up? Wouldn't it mean that my feelings for her were a farce, completely selfish & based on charm or comfort coz as soon as differences came up, instead of acknowledging & understanding them I bailed out? What kind of Love or friendship is that?

"The only true security that can be found in this world, is in the very process of giving love . The language of heart is love & the journey from head to heart is spirituality." - Sri Sri Ravi Shankar.

The bottom line is I really love her & I care about her a lot. I believe she deserves the best & I know I am not the best, infact that's why most of the time I fight with her. However, I am committed to invest my time & effort to change myself; no, to meet myself. My search has begun. I have embarked upon the most difficult YET most meaningful & if am strong enough to complete it; the most rewarding journey. And this is all because of her; because of my love for her.

Dinesh bhaiya once said very beautifully: "Jalna to hai hi; par Jal kar ya to raakh banange ya Sona!"

So, the next couple of posts will be a quest to understand myself, to accept myself & to comprehend &amp;amp;amp; learn about true & unconditional Love.

Love is in the air. (Ya, I know, 'corny')

2007-02-14T02:00:00.000+05:30

Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love. ~Albert Einstein

Here it is again. Dreamy eyed-draped-in-hues-of-red-&-pink-cozy-couples ubiquitous as far as one can perceive. Gifts galore, love is in the air, head over heals on cloud #9.

It's St. Valentine’s Day! It’s a day when card-cookie-chocolate-teddy bear-flower sellers hit jack pot, it's a day when guys/gals get an excuse & extra batch of courage hormones to propose the objects of their desires. Even if it's a no, they'll be saved from the embarrasement coz Hey, it's valentines day!

For singles, cynics, broken hearts & unhappy ‘couples’ it can be a foolish reason to be ecstatic about, a waste of one's time, money & energy, loneliest time of the year next only to Christmas & new years, sighs – of disgust or of longing & expectations, love-birds who are together, will still be together - but with some one else next year or it's just another day. Yuck! So Chhesy, we say!

Love is like an hourglass, with the heart filling up as the brain empties.- Jules Renard

For idealists, die hard romantics & happy couples it's a day of fullness, of feeling complete. The heart is full of love & appreciation of the ‘sweetie’, starry eyes are full with one-hundred-and-one dreams with 'the one', mind & the entire being is full with the fragrant thoughts of the beloved & you are full with the smiles that stretch from this ear all the way to Timbaktoo.

Nestle up with your BF/GF complete with sweet nothings, mushy feelings, candy hearts, cozy long drives, long walks on the beach on a moonlit night, sprawled on the terrace together or on warm freshly cut grass under the stars on a clear night with cool spring breeze, lazily floating, with the fragrance of her perfume, snuggle up together on a couch in front of a Hugh Grant or Adam Sandler flick, ice-cream, kisses - some stolen some not so...
Is this Bliss or what?

Love - a wildly misunderstood although highly desirable malfunction of the heart which weakens the brain, causes eyes to sparkle, cheeks to glow, blood pressure to rise and the lips to pucker. ` Unknown.

For me it's all of the above & more.

On the other hand I would also love to spend such a day quietly with 'her' doing seva i.e. service. In an orphanage, playing with mischievous-gigling-playful- kids or helping some one in need, coz this is the 1st thing common between us – attitude of service. Go to dinner near beach, gifts, walking together hand in hand, kiss, drop her home & then talk to her until the break of dawn. Well, may be, someday.....

Personally I don't believe there should be ONE day dedicated JUST for Love.
'Love is not an emotion, it's our very being' - Sri Sri Ravi Shankar.
However if there can be a day dedicated to the love between brother-sister than why not a day to celebrate love between a couple?
It's the commercialization and sugar coated ness of the day that makes me cringe. It should be a private day, for intimate revelation of hearts innermost musings, not like an election campaign. If we can be as thoughtful & loving towards our beloved every day throughout the year, I think V day would be much more meaning full, in terms of re-affirming the wows already made &amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp; kept every day.

I don't think I have ever 'celebrated' V day with anyone in my life! I've loved & cheated upon & dumped & bailed out on but I haven’t been together with the 'love's of my life' on a V day. Wow! First time this thought has crossed my mind. Hmm it’s not bad.

And I don’t believe anyone who declares “they are single & happy & that’s the way to be”, because secretly they want to be with some one too, no matter how they try to validate their feelings.

We don't believe in rheumatism and true love until after the first attack. ~Marie Ebner Von Eschenbach, Aphorism
Love is the enchanted dawn of every heart.- Lamartine

So Happy Valentines Day to couples & Happy Independence Day to people like us! May the cup of our heart always be overflowing with Love. Amen!

I don't understand why Cupid was chosen to represent Valentine's Day. When I think about romance, the last thing on my mind is a short, chubby toddler coming at me with a weapon. ~Author Unknown

43 Things.

2007-02-12T20:22:00.000+05:30

Goals are dreams with deadlines.

People have known for years that writing down our goals is the 1st step towards achieving them. Why, you ask? Well, first you will not forget the goal & mix it up with something else going on in your head & secondly it helps you to clarify what you really want to do & keep your eyes on it.

And as people have very wisely said - 'You've got to be very careful if you don't know where you are going, because you might not get there.' & 'In life, as in football, you won't go far unless you know where the goalposts are.' & 'Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goals.'

What do you want to do with your life? Not an easy question to answer, my man, if, you think about it sincerely.

Here's a community that encourages you to do just that. 'Make a list on 43 Things and see what changes happen in your life. Best of all it’s a way of connecting with other enthusiasts interested in everything from watching a space shuttle launch to grow my own vegetables.'

I am proud to say that, "I am doing 43 things!".

http://www.43things.com/person/ashcash1in

P.S: No. 12 Achieved. Yay!

Finally!!

2007-02-12T20:08:00.000+05:30

Yay!!! Finally I have succeeded in creating my blog. This is my 1st post. I'm in office right now. And as the popular saying by sant Kabir goes 'I pretend to work, they pretend to pay me!', let me get back to pretending that I'm working! C'ya.