My Journey From Head to Heart
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At Home in Ashram....

OK I am back after exactly 2 months to blog the history in the making. These 2 months have been an assorted windfall of varied emotions - blissful, agonizingly painful, intoxicatingly ecstatic, anguish, full of hope & then fall from grace, suffering & resolve, faith & devotion, doubts & godlessness, secrets, lies, care, togetherness, hurt, affection, tears and cheers – all carelessly organized in one priceless gift pack. (More on this later)

I was in the Ashram for 11 days for Navaratri special advance course and homas. By the way, that's also the place where all the Gods & Goddesses descended, last week. The experience is so profound and powerful that it has re-instated my faith in many good things in life & have given my perspectives and thoughts, on some others, a positive color & my commitment towards Guruji & her have become much stronger (though I started out to do just the opposite of that) . Guruji's bhaav in Ganesh homa & in Chandi homa, the energy that manifested in him as Ganesh ji, Shiv ji & Devi, his playing the Veena, the garba 20,000 people meditating during Ashtami & the vibrations felt afterwards was just celestial!

And had a blast with Momo. If there is any other reason my time in ashram this time is unforgettable, it is Momo. I laughed so much after a very very long time. And in the process I realized this is how I really used to be before. I used to be very cool, carefree, I was able to laugh at many things which I take so seriously now & most importantly how much & how openly I used to laugh & also made others laugh.

I had started this course with a very heavy mind & immense negativity, which my skeptical mind believed cannot be reformed esp. even after doing 5 advance courses. As the course commenced, I would find myself sinking deeper into this chasm of sadness & darkness. Something, which I'd presume would be observed by someone who has come face to face with sudden but imminent death but have lots of unfulfilled desires & lots of things left unsaid to lots of people he cares for, and he knows against all hopes that no matter how hard he tries, he can't escape this, and all that he wants will just be lost in space. And in between all this agony, at some point, I must have reached rock bottom of misery because suddenly the fog started to clear out.

It started towards the end of the 2nd last day of the course, during the process where we have to 'make something' (can't divulge what, coz it's the part of the course). In the beginning it was just another process, but as Vrinda ji's words fell on my ear 'do this with the innocence of a child', 'give your 100%', 'at this time there is no body else, just you and this ----', 'this is your finest creation, the person you love the most' & finally 'tell her what you havn't told anybody ever...and then it happened. Tears just started to flow, first salty then sweet ones, a wave of Love and belongingness just washed over my entire being for her & of gratitude for Guruji.

Gurji's message for this Navaratri: Atmarati Avirodhena – Rejoicing in the Atma (self) without any conflict. Surrendering or offering as Ahuti any conflict that come in our way & to all past hurts and feelings. Become Nava – new & fresh this Navaratri.

The effect of meditations combined with the prayers & homas is powerful beyond belief. It just blew me away. Witnessing Guruji in silence is such a profound and strong phenomenon. And his words, when he broke his silence, carried even more strength than before. 2,500 of us blessed souls would go bananas on his every move - rising up from his seat, pushing his hair back, fiddling with the mike in his unique way or even when he'll just say in his trademark style “haan?'.

One of my teacher was Vrinda ji from Rajkot. This was my 1st advance course in Hindi & surprisingly it has been the best! Vrinda ji herself is so sweet in the way she speaks & her presence itself. She has a child like sweet innocent voice & when she speaks it's like words of wisdom flowing out with fragrance of flowers. And she will laugh ever so cutely on her own jokes while telling them. She said:

5 p's of life – Pyaas (Thirst), Prayaas (effort), Prateekhsa (Patience), Prem (Love) & Pooja (Prayer or surrender).

Life is not क for kamaana, खा for khaana & गा for gavaana। It must be useful for the betterment of the society too.

And there was this beautiful couplet she recited from Guruji which meant that when you sow a seed, you don't keep prying under the ground to see if the seed is sprouting or you don't water it 100 times a day to make it grow faster. Nature will take care of it, you need to have faith. Guru does the same with you, have faith.

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