My Journey From Head to Heart
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The Best New Year Ever!!! - 2

Continued from Part 1 below.
If 1 not read, Scroll down to the next post to read part 1 first...

Next day campus cleaning Seva. I saw to it that the left side of the campus from VM steps toc Divine services was spanking clean. Until glides in Miss Indrani with that famous cat (Elephant?) walk and casually drops few Green bombs on the ground and ambles away coolly as if that‘s exactly the place to go about her daily let go business. I remembered Dinesh bhaiya’s story of cleaning cow dung in his own advance course. Summoning up the Lion and his Valor within me, with the nerves of Stainless Steel I march towards that mountain and stop dead in my tracks as it’s emanating fragrance hits my nose. I mentally say ‘Sorry Dinesh bhaiya, not this time.’ Irony was that my nose would block only the next day and it continues to be that way till today! Anyway that ‘thing’ was at the right side of the campus, so I convince myself that I did not follow my feelings over my commitments. And hurriedly, before any logic can prevail, had my hands busy so that heart becomes full and mind becomes empty.

I so fell in love with my pretty feet and my green floaters during the course. As they were pretty much the only thing I laid my eyes on during the course. Fortunately I had exhausted my Chappal Karma during my earlier visits to the ashram, so I had to return with my own footwear which I originally came with rather than resorting to flicking someone else‘s. A pretty odd feeling, I must admit.

By the end of silence I had pretty much memorized all the songs from Rab ne Bana di…, Ghajini & Chandni Chowk…, as they would invariably pop up at the best of times, without warning. Like when I am trying to find the tip of my nostril and suddenly I see Asin‘s nose instead of mine, which makes it even more difficult as she would always be dancing about. Had it been SRK’s nose, it would have been no problem. He has a lot of it! And for comic relief Russell Peters was readily available, effect of watching his videos enroute from Chennai to Bangalore. ‘Your mothers’ so fat…‘ and so he goes in Chinese accent. And with eyes closed, my smile widens, as I come back to the source.

From the 2nd day onwards I felt so Blessed! Like a weight lifted. As Guruji says that out of 100 only 10 begin the journey and only few reach, I felt like those lucky few among the 1000+ of us.

Most importantly this Yes++ filled me up to the brim with Gratitude…towards everything and everyone. I am grateful to all my teachers - esp. to Jaideep Chandra sir (my Accounts and Economics teacher in 11th standard) - sir if you happen to read this, if not for you I would have not been inspired to complete school and work to score cool marks in 12th, to my English teacher (Ma’am, if not for your beauty and my desire to impress you I would have been speaking English like Lallu, which sometimes I do anyway), to my Parents, to my Yes!+ teachers Rajesh ‘Mayla’ K. Bhaiya, Kavi Di, Anjana di, Upasana Di, Rashmin Bhaiya and of course Bau n Dinu Bhaiya, to my volunteer friends in Chennai (each one of you have showed me a way to do things and also a way not to do things, just by being who you are, although you may never know when and how J), to the driver of the Chennai-Bangalore Train and so far back and fwd.

I feel grateful for every ‘bad’ thing that ever happened to me and any body who ever broke my trust and heart and caused hurt to me. Looking back, If I connect the dots now, If not for those events or people, I probably would not have been here. I am also grateful to that Kitchen nut, the roommates (out of 1000+ people they were particularly put there by Mr. G for a purpose), to all the other participants for enhancing my experience through there silence, to the Uncle who took care of our Chappals, to the unseen…

And to that special someone without whom I probably would not have continued on this path and also without whom I would not have seen such darkness and misery and anger and hatred or experience such Bliss and Love and Longing and Knowledge. You know who you are and If you happen to read this, I miss you and I Bless you. Wish you can become as sweet as you were before and we closer than before. Wish that all the ego and arrogance and bitterness can be just melted away to make way for more sweeteness and care and warmth we have hsared before.

The best thing is, finally, oh-so-excruciatingly, this Yes++ slowly turned my Love into Longing, the desire of Getting Something into Intention of Giving, frustration of waiting into meditation. To Guruji for showing me the way again and again and not giving up on me and to not let my Love complete so that it gains more depth and thus adds more meaning to my life. Lots more to learn and miles to walk before I sleep…

In 2009 I pray that I continue being grateful and not lean towards the demonic tendency of blaming and Give without Expectations and Love without Expectations and become more Mature in Love and Understand with Centeredness and to Serve with Sattva and be Happy with Awareness and Celebrate by being Useful and Spread Light and Joy and Knowledge and Belonging.

And that’s what I want for the World too.

Only thing is this sense of Void that I am feeling, which turns into sadness and loneliness and prayerfulness…I pray with gratitude that I can learn something from it too and do lots of Seva and bring more and more youths to advance courses and such profound Knowledge...

Loka Samasta Sukhino Bhavantu!

6 Hitch Hikers:

harshini said...

amaaaazingggg !!! u hv the 'wittness' tht abs cracks me up..keep posting...u write relli well

Aparna said...

hmmmmmmmmmm

very long post(both together)!!!!

and i should say this! i was just amazed to see i wasnt bored nor did i skip para's(like i always do!)

Great!!!!! Post!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
And congrats on completing 8th Advance.. a TTC coming up for u! :)

All the best! Bless u :)

JaiGurudev!
Love
Aparna

Aparna said...

hm i dnt see the last line!! Just now noticed!! so very nice of you!

Loka Samasta Sukino Bavanthu

Omm Shanti Shanti Shanti :)

shiku said...

U know ash....i could relate to what u said line by line....there are these times when one loves expecting something.....and that demeans the very essence of love... It has happened to me as well. :) . I wish and pray all of us get to that point where we can just go on giving and giving more unconditionally.

Jai gurudev sir :) ...wish i did this course with u...should do sometime later though :)

Love

Srikaanth

Ashtavakra Banerjee said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
In Search Of Myself said...

@Harsh, Appu, Shikhu - Thanks! :)..Need to start writing again.
@ Ashtavakra: (Comment deleted) Well ur name really belies the crap u dole out in the hoax that is ur tiny little excuse of a 'blog'. I stumbled onto it once and decided never to fall prey to ur maniacal musings which are no wonder inspired by some comatose state of being drug induced for an unhealthy amount of time.
Instead of doing what u do, rather trying to fart ur own misinformed opinions it would help u better and others around u to do something really worthwhile for urself and others, that which puts a smile on others. Ur 2 cents of opinion doesn't matter and wudn't change anything for good. Those naive enough to comment or even believe u, should know better.
Keep looking for the needle in haystack that is the negativity about Art of living, it's teachers or SriSri.Go ahead and bisect this comment bit by bit and satisfy ur ignorance. Jai Gurudev!

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