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Happy New Year!!!



Today is Tamil New Year - HAPPY NEW YEAR!! If you made any resolutions on English new year, time to gauge your progress & if you promptly forgot your resolutions on the 2nd day of new year, time to renew them.

Today was mega satsang. One of my fav. songs - Radhe Govind Krishna Murare was sung. The song is heavenly, you just have to hear it. It has this contemporary feel, Garba beats, is very melodious & relaxes you instantly. Yo can't but sway with it. Meditation after that was deep.

Today I saw her, after what seemed liked ages. She was looking lovely as usual, although I liked her long curly hair better.

Felt nice. Did I feel sad or angry? No, I was infact happy just to see her & also not stressed as I used to be earlier, worrying who she's talking to or which guy is talking to her. Felt free. I did feel nostalgic, thinking about the good & bad times we had together. Anyway, I was happy just to see her smiling & content that at least I am not there to make her sad or cry. She laughs so exuberantly now days. Don't know if she's really warm & happy inside or is this just another mask of hers, to hide something. Anyway it warms my heart to hear her laugh. Just feel, if we can share the smiles & laughters sometime....

Both of us still can't be in the same room together because both feel uncomfortable & conscious.
Although I was much more in touch with myself than before. I have become more accepting of situations, places, her, what happened between us & myself. I am much more aware of what I am feeling/thinking & how I am responding/reacting.

She still thinks what I did was wrong, & I don't blame her for that. I know I haven't done anything wrong & my intentions were not wrong either, but I cannot & will not explain this to her, again. So, until she is ready to talk again, I'll wait, with faith.

Speaking about blame, I have realized the futility of holding someone else responsible for how I am feeling. I give away so much control & power to that person, over myself. Responsibility is the key word.

So, may this new year brings more Joy in her life, more warmth to her heart & more smiles to her lips; & new brain cells to me. Resolutions or no resolutions may you be kind, peaceful & happy. Amen! :)

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