Random Musings Of Ironical Kind. Posted by In Search Of Myself , Monday, May 7, 2007 at 12:55 AM, in

In Oriental, secrets are treated as sacred however, in Occidental secrets are termed as shameful. Come to think of it, that's how even I think. I cannot make sense of secrets. I'll think of the worst if I come to know that some thing's been hidden from me. They make me uncomfortable, chiefly because I have Western opinions on secrets. If somebody keeps a secret from me, it would be because that secret was a dirty one. I have had lots of difficulties due to just this simple incorrect concept in my head. It's much simpler & positive just to accept most secrets as sacred. Sure, there will be some people who'll keep secrets from you, which should be told in all honesty. However, these will be few & far in between & if I treat all secrets as ugly then it'll effect peace of my mind & my relationships. So, take secrets to be sacred. Respect them.

There are times when I wish, if only I had perfect memory, the photogenic kind. Whatever I see, read or hear one time, can get imprinted in my head. I mean that's one sign of intelligence - good memory. There are also times when I wish, if only I can forget few things from the past, get a few brain cells freed. Few old moments not so good enough, few details or small stuff not relevant anymore, some feelings etc. my life will be much simpler, more honest & innocent. Then I thought about people who have lost their memory, they can't remember a thing from their life. How empty would there life be? All details, feelings, experiences, reference points gone. They would literally give anything to remember their past, to get their life back. Art of letting go - something I need to get better at.

There are times when I want to be all by myself, just in my world. Day dreaming, creating, rejoicing, sulking, reflecting, being crazy - whatever. A single noise can make me so edgy. And then there are times when I would want to be with people. Not that I don't want to be or can't be with myself. I have gotten better at enjoying my company. I can be alone yet not feel lonely. Not doing anything to keep me occupied, yet be at ease. Still there are times when I want people around me. Talk, sing, dance, observe, tease, laugh, cry, share - do whatever with them.
I need balance here again. There are times when I want to alone right in a middle of a party or in the office & when this feeling comes I just become aloof. Bad timing!

There are times when I wish that if all the noise can fade off just for a few minutes, if people can just shut up for few minutes, stop the intellectual diatribes & explainations, meaningless unsure jittery conversations, I can experience & float in the peace that ensues. Then I think of people who do not have the gift of listening or have lost the ability to hear, how silent there existence would be. Would they be able to touch the Peace which, I seem to assume, would be so tangible in there lives?

Then there are times when I want to be quiet, silent. Just listen, observe, absorb or drift away in my own world. Again this may happen when I am required the most to talk, when I am with people. Slight prodding from someone to say something will make me edgy. And then there are times when I'd I think of people who do not have the gift of speech or who have lost the ability to speak, how silent there life would be? How they'd express themselves & their agony of inability to express a feeling to the person they love, in words. Then there are times when I would just blabber. Even when there's nothing left to talk I'll talk. Even this produces dullnes. Guruji says 'purpose of all the questions & answers, of all words is to create silence in the mind'. I want to talk as clearly & effectively as possible. Less words more understandings, few sentences deeper silence.

One thing that I'm learning is - Being Grateful. Being grateful for what I have & stop complaining about what I think I deserve. I would still strive for more however, with contentment & gratefulness for what I already have & less feverishness for what I want to achieve. Life is beautiful if I look at what I'd got than what I lack or what I should have. Choice is between a life of abundance or life of lack. As it's said "I complained about my shoes untill I saw a man with no feet". As the saying goes - 'Those who are grateful for what they have, will be given more...". Accept things as they are...

Time, an office boy & a king have same time - 24 hours in a day, it's how they use it, what they do in that time counts. That's what makes a king a king & the office boy an office boy. We complain of not having enough time to do things - esp. the things which we'd like to do the most or the things which are the most important. "Ohh I'd love to attend the course, I really need it too, I am so stressed out but I don't have time because...", "Ohh I'd love to learn dance/music/swimming, I've always wanted to since I was a kid but I don't have time because... Well then! Time flies anyway. It's 1 year since I did the course last year, 2 years since I joined my Co., 5 months since I wished Happy new year, this year, 3 months since the last advanced course & I don't know when the time just flew! I can't list 20 new things which I did in this time.! Sometimes we wish time to run, sometimes to stop, sometimes it crawls at it's own pace even when we want otherwise. In any case, it flies, it ain't coming back, so make the most of today. Do the things that you WANT to, instead of doing things that you HAVE to. Do what you want to & then do what you have to - to make it happen, to see it through.

Our belief creates our reality & if our beliefs aren't creating the reality we want, we better look into our beliefs & change them. Patterns of habits, of looking at & perceiving things, of reacting, of doing things, all are formed over certain period of time. Become aware of those patterns. If certain patterns have not worked in the past change them to create a new present or better future. A belief can either limit you or free you, expand your horizons or imprison you. Broaden your vision.