When Superman saved me from becoming a Hitman! Posted by In Search Of Myself , Sunday, October 12, 2008 at 10:33 PM, in

Managed to catch the climax of Superman Returns after returning from the course. Lois was going to light up a cigarette (a habit I guess she had left long time back) and at that moment she hears her son bidding good bye to someone from his room on the upper floor. She looks up and sees Superman 'hanging' around (who I guess she thought will never come back, for some reason) and she extinguishes the light.

There was a time in my life, a particularly ’bad’ time, when I was absolutely and utterly infuriated with everything and everyone that had the misfortune of existing on the planet. So enraged was I, that I desired to be a terrorist or a shooter or someone along those lines. Every little thing used to boil me. This all consuming desire will arise in me to just go out and let loose a FY71 semi automatic on anyone or everyone in sight. In fact, when I found out that according to the Mayan Calendar world is going to finally come to an end in 2012, I exhaled a sigh of relief and exclaimed 'Good Riddance' with lot of hope.

This went on for more than a couple of weeks. And so grateful am I that nobody in my close proximity is a cop, a soldier or a terrorist, for me to have an easy access of an assault weapon.

I was so full of wrath towards everything. And that made me completely terrified! Of myself. It’s one thing to be afraid of another person or to be scared of Ghosts or of the things unknown but to be petrified of one's own self, of what fury one is capable of unleashing…is extremely unsettling. There is no worse emotion that one can experience, than seeing the evil in oneself. Especially for someone on the spiritual path, who should actually ought to be seeing God in oneself and others!

And for me it was no different. For I can get angry as hell, for sure. But I've learnt, when I do or say anything during such time, I always end up hurting someone I don’t ever want to hurt and I always regret it for days later. And so I don’t really know the correct way of expressing my anger. But this thing I kept feeling was different. This was long pent up…something...something very solid and heavy.

Overtime I figured I was so angry because I trusted her a lot. Even before I had any ‘feelings’ for her, she was a friend to me, my best Friend. And I sincerely hoped and believed that she will be there by my side when I'll need her the most. That she will communicate. She never did. That our friendship was genuine. I wasn’t sure now. That she was different than other women, I knew till then. May be not. And that’s why I ceased to have any belief in Love & Friendship and Marriage and other such important things in Life involving more than two souls, because in my great wisdom, I concluded - people are selfish & evil.

And the result was this paranoid hatred towards everything. But going through my anguish of having to face up to this baffling thought of me as a Villain, some things I never could have thought can happen, happened. Some of the subtlest and deepest lines enunciated by Guruji began making sense. I started to have an understanding of people who actually went on a shooting spree in colleges etc. And of people who commit other wrong acts in a moment of ignorance.

I think that ordinary people like us become victim of only 3 things: Bad Times, Bad Timing and ignorance i.e. not being able to understand one’s own mind and deal with it. And this happens in a matter of moments of judgment lapse. And the entire life goes awry.

This is why workshops like Yes!+ and organization like Art of Living are so absolutely vital in today's day and age for youths. To understand ones own mind and patterns and engage in helping others live a fuller life.

We affect the lives of more people than we'll ever know. And that is also why people like, friends should be genuinely caring and responsible and be like superman for their Lois Lane. To be there at the right time to stop their friends from doing stupid things like - smoking or killing!