Kuch Shaayari Ho Jaye...Irshaad!!! Posted by In Search Of Myself , Wednesday, June 20, 2007 at 12:04 AM, in

Kya Kahen Ab Apni Hakikat.
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Hakikat na puch mere fasane ki,
tere jate hi badal gayi nazar zamane ki,
log puchte hai mai khush kyun nahi,
kya kahu meri toh aadat thi aapke sang muskurane ki.. !!

Unki Yaad Mein..
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Humne unki yaad mein kitni cigretten zala di..
per khambakhat dhuen ne bhi unki tasveer bana di..
Mit na jaye tasveer unki..
Mit na jaye tasveer unki..
isliye humne ek aur jala di..!!

Mushkil Swaal Zindgi Ka..
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Koi aankhon aankhon se baat kar leta hai..
Koi aankhon aankhon mein mulakaat kar leta hai
Bada Mushkil hota hai tab Jawab dena..
Jab koi KhamosH rehkar Sawaal kar leta hai..!!

Asliyat Is Aashiqui Ki..
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Who aate to hain magar tan se nahi,
who bhethe to hain magar man se nahi,
kaun kehta hai, wo pyaar nahi karte,
karte to hain magar humse nahi.. !!

Umeed Phir Bhi Dil Mein..
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Dilon mein aarzoo ke diye jalte rahenge,
Aankhon se aansu nikalte rahenge.
Tum shama bankar dil mein roshni kardo,
Hum mom bankar yuhin pighalte rahenge..!!

Paigaam Humari Taraf Se..
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Zindagi me hardam haste raho,
hasna zindagi ki jarurat hai
zindagi ko iss andaz me jiyo k apko dekhar,
log kahe wah zindagi kitni khubsurat hai.. !!

Insomnia
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when i am with you,we stay awake
when you are not here,i cant sleep
praise god for these two insomnias
and the difference between them.

Ashram Yes++ rocked! Posted by In Search Of Myself , Tuesday, June 19, 2007 at 2:20 AM, in

Hi ya,

Coming back to the blog world after a long time. Was in Bangalore 1st week of this month for the heavenly Yes++ with Guruji. Man, the combinations were just electifying. Guruji, Vishalakshi Mandap, Ashram, Bawa, Food, Full Moon, Meditations...

Since I did my 1st Yes!+ I would see people burst into tears just at a glimpse of guruji or when being near guruji. I never really understood this phenomena. There I would be standing with feeling nothing when guruji arrives and people around me are feeling all kinds of emotions known to man kind & I'll be thinking - huh?! Untill now. For the first time, after a year of being actively involved in Art of Living I cried at the glimpse of guruji! It was on the day when we were coming out of silence. We were doing one of the simplest yet torturest (I'm sure there is no such word, still it's deceptively painful) meditation, this could easily have been used in concentration camps to keep the few rebels in there skins. 20 minutes of pain, and when we opened the eyes, lo and behold Guruji was sitting as gracious as ever, smiling in front of 400 of us blessed souls!!! We went delirious with joy!

I went numb...& within few minutes I was in tears, of gratitude, of peace, of strength, of happiness, of hope. It was just so beautiful!...tears just kept trickling down my cheeks. But the heart was light as a feather. Entire being tingling with the sight of him. It's a sight that can only be experienced.

People would throng, push, pull, kill (with a smile!), jump, do everything that'll convince a monkey that these people surely must have been in his family sometime; to get near guruji, to touch him once, to be blessed by him, to talk to him. It was so amusing, yet I understand the joy people are experiencing & the gratitude they just can't express fully. I, for one, feel so comfortable just to see him, I don't tumble others to get near him - coz I know he is close to me , or shout my lungs out to talk to him - coz I don't need words to talk to him, to touch him - coz he is a part of me & I am a part of him & to get blessings from him - Coz I know I am blessed.

I wonder & pity those people who have not experienced anything like this in their life time, who are caught up with things that don't matter, with routine 9-5 stuff, yet I am greatful that I've felt it. I feel for people who just reel in there minds, intellectualising his effect on the world not knowing that he transcends mind & intellect, that this knowlege can only be experienced not debated or understood through words or concepts of the head.

Although, just like Rishikesh Yes++ I would sleep off in between the meditations ever so often. Bhaiya did gave an answer to this, that whatever my body needs, will be given to it.

The games, all the activities, meditations, knowledge all seeped deep in. I was so free and myself during this course. During silence I felt completely detached & disconnected from everyone around me, which was little difficult at first coz I've started to feel everyone as a part of me, as a part of god. I had 103 fever last day of the course, still I was there in VM at night for Bawa's session - with a blanket. Commitment before feelings put into practice.

One thing that I still can remember vividly is the sense that I can do anything. Things which used to hold me back from being my true self, from being complete no longer are there. I have the power within me to change the world, one step at a time.

Missed her at times at night. One more beautiful event was the moonlit nights every night of the course, with guruji guiding us through the meditation in the amphitheatre in front of VM & answering questions. We stayed in the new rooms in 'Aparna'. It was awesome! I could see the moon from the window in my room, snuggled up in my bed. Thought about her. No questions, no answers, no events, no voices, no fights, no past, no future - just her spirit. It was nice.

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I was reading something about guruji and discovered the reason why tears well up in people's eyes, when they see Guruji is - Devotion - the highest form of love. And perfect example of that is Kavi di.

All the pick up lines one can ever use :) Posted by In Search Of Myself , Wednesday, May 23, 2007 at 2:28 AM, in

Excuse me, beautiful, mind if I stand next to you and do some talking? I don't mean to intrude, but I couldn't help but notice that you were sitting all alone and enjoying yourself. There's just one problem: If you're here right now, then that means heaven must be missing an angel or something to that effect. Though I doubt anyone's noticed since there are so many angels up there anyway.

I'm trying to say that you're hot.

You look pretty tired, though. Maybe it's because you've been running through my mind for a while. I think about hot women a lot, so for the purposes of this argument let's just say you were one of the ones that I'd previously been thinking about, even though we just met. Are you considering going home with me yet? Because if not, I could ask you if it hurt when you hit the ground after falling from heaven. I know I already said the thing about you being an angel, but maybe you didn't catch it the first time. Or if you did, maybe it will seem like I'm building off that. I'm trying to tell you that you're pretty like an angel I want to sleep with, is the point.

What else is there? Oh, are you from Tennessee? Because I think you're a seven. I might have gotten that wrong, but you get the gist of it. I'm using the name of a state to express how much I'd like to see you naked, but I don't really care where you're from.

Can we just go now? All right, well then why don't you tell me your sign. I don't really believe in astrology, but maybe you do and will go home with me because I come across as open-minded for mentioning it. I think I'm a Virgo. Pisces? One of those. I'm sure we'd be good together, because you're very attractive, as I've said before, which I think is really the most important thing anyway. Speaking of which, do you have a license? Because you're driving me somewhere that's complimentary to you.

Your eyes are blue like the sky or water, whichever you prefer. And your lips are really red like—I don't know—that girl's lips over there. I didn't quite say it right, but the sentiment is there.

So do you have a boyfriend or what? Because I don't have all night to waste on talking to you if you're dating someone.

Do you have a mirror in your pocket so I can see myself in your pants? How about a quarter, so I can call my mother and tell her I found the girl of my dreams? I'm not actually going to call her, because she's been dead for two years and it's actually up to 35 cents now anyway and I'd probably just use my cell phone, but I'll take the quarter from you if it will get you in the sack.

We should go back to my place and do some math. We'll add a bed, subtract our clothes, and do other math stuff related to love making.

Look, it's obvious where this is leading. I'm saying all the right things and you haven't walked away yet, so let's just cut to the chase: Do you come here often? If so, would you like to go back with me to my apartment and get down with me? What if I told you I would rearrange the alphabet for some reason? I'm thinking of asking you what you'd like for breakfast tomorrow, in the hopes that you might sleep with me because I implied that it's inevitable.

Can you see where I'm going here?

I guess I should say I think I've seen you someplace before. And I don't mean earlier, when I was staring at you. I'm pretty sure we've met in a past life or in my dreams or something, so you should feel comfortable lowering your standards around me. Also, your shoes are nice, so I'm sensitive and observant. If you really need me to, I could buy you a drink to show you I have some money.

Wait, don't go. Just one more thing. I lost my phone number. Can I have yours so I can call you later about borrowing some money?

What were You thinking???!!!

Timeless! Posted by In Search Of Myself , Sunday, May 20, 2007 at 10:01 AM, in

Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional.

Make your actions an expression of your happiness, rather than looking for happiness in the result. Be happy NOW.

There are 2 things: Seer & the scenery. Seer is you & secenery is the world outside, ur feelings, thoughts. As long as you are stuck in the scenery, you'll be miserable. To be Happy, blissful & at peace you have to separate yourself from the scenery & come back to the self.

Yes!+ Posted by In Search Of Myself , Thursday, May 17, 2007 at 11:04 PM, in

Brand new day, brand new course. This course is even more special coz I've worked on it from the scratch. Getting a database of people to call, calling approx. 80 people in just 2 days, leading other people, organizing the venue, talking to VVKI & other people for course requirements etc.

People are so funny. You offer them a fantastic life changing opportunity to experience & they will come up with all sorts of silly reasons to convince themselves why they can't do it. "I can't do the course, because the venue is very far." Yeah right, Mayajaal to bagal mein hai na, when you want to see a movie, or pondi is next door when you want to go for a outing. 1 girl "I cannot do the course coz my home is 4 Km from the venue & at night I'll have to go alone". 9:30 is night for you? And they say women is equal to men in all ways. Even security watchmen doesn't sleep by that time. Or "My office gets over by 5:30, so I cannot reach the course by 5:30'. Bloody, then organize, manage & finish your work & leave 30 minutes early for 5 days. "My mummy doesn't allow". Are you sure you are not 80 years old? When you wanted that 2k dress or bike then how'd you convince your mom???

Anyway, I put in my 100% & I was able to exceed the target set by bhaiya.

There are 3 type of questions & 3 kinds of listening.

Questions:
1) Superfluous: E.g How are you? You don't really want to know or are intereted in knowing the answer, but still you ask. Ueless, pointless questions likes asking a friend in a theatre: What are you doing here?

2) 2nd type of question is a question, answer to which, you already know. This question is asked for 2 reasons:
a) To show off that you know the answers or for confrontation with the person you asked the question to, to prove he does not know it.
b) For confirmation. To get a seal of approval from someone verifying that the answer which you had, was in fact correct.

3) Question that comes out of a honest or prayerful mind. Where you really want to know the answer * question is realy important.

It is said in Upanishads, that for a question to qualify as a right question it should meet following criteria: It should be asked to the right person, at right time, in right manner, in right place & then, may be you will get a right answer.

3 types of listening are:

1) Intellectual: Where you hear from your head & your mind is constantly saying either 'Yes, Yes' or 'No, No'. You are not really listening to what the other fellow is saying, you are listening to what you want to listen, to the information, right or wrong, that is in your head.

2) Emotional: You are blown away by the speaker, however the effect lasts a short time. You listen from your heart.

3) When you listen from a prayerful, objective mind. Where there are no judgements.

This will be another blissful & fantastic experience.

Random Musings Of Ironical Kind. Posted by In Search Of Myself , Monday, May 7, 2007 at 12:55 AM, in

In Oriental, secrets are treated as sacred however, in Occidental secrets are termed as shameful. Come to think of it, that's how even I think. I cannot make sense of secrets. I'll think of the worst if I come to know that some thing's been hidden from me. They make me uncomfortable, chiefly because I have Western opinions on secrets. If somebody keeps a secret from me, it would be because that secret was a dirty one. I have had lots of difficulties due to just this simple incorrect concept in my head. It's much simpler & positive just to accept most secrets as sacred. Sure, there will be some people who'll keep secrets from you, which should be told in all honesty. However, these will be few & far in between & if I treat all secrets as ugly then it'll effect peace of my mind & my relationships. So, take secrets to be sacred. Respect them.

There are times when I wish, if only I had perfect memory, the photogenic kind. Whatever I see, read or hear one time, can get imprinted in my head. I mean that's one sign of intelligence - good memory. There are also times when I wish, if only I can forget few things from the past, get a few brain cells freed. Few old moments not so good enough, few details or small stuff not relevant anymore, some feelings etc. my life will be much simpler, more honest & innocent. Then I thought about people who have lost their memory, they can't remember a thing from their life. How empty would there life be? All details, feelings, experiences, reference points gone. They would literally give anything to remember their past, to get their life back. Art of letting go - something I need to get better at.

There are times when I want to be all by myself, just in my world. Day dreaming, creating, rejoicing, sulking, reflecting, being crazy - whatever. A single noise can make me so edgy. And then there are times when I would want to be with people. Not that I don't want to be or can't be with myself. I have gotten better at enjoying my company. I can be alone yet not feel lonely. Not doing anything to keep me occupied, yet be at ease. Still there are times when I want people around me. Talk, sing, dance, observe, tease, laugh, cry, share - do whatever with them.
I need balance here again. There are times when I want to alone right in a middle of a party or in the office & when this feeling comes I just become aloof. Bad timing!

There are times when I wish that if all the noise can fade off just for a few minutes, if people can just shut up for few minutes, stop the intellectual diatribes & explainations, meaningless unsure jittery conversations, I can experience & float in the peace that ensues. Then I think of people who do not have the gift of listening or have lost the ability to hear, how silent there existence would be. Would they be able to touch the Peace which, I seem to assume, would be so tangible in there lives?

Then there are times when I want to be quiet, silent. Just listen, observe, absorb or drift away in my own world. Again this may happen when I am required the most to talk, when I am with people. Slight prodding from someone to say something will make me edgy. And then there are times when I'd I think of people who do not have the gift of speech or who have lost the ability to speak, how silent there life would be? How they'd express themselves & their agony of inability to express a feeling to the person they love, in words. Then there are times when I would just blabber. Even when there's nothing left to talk I'll talk. Even this produces dullnes. Guruji says 'purpose of all the questions & answers, of all words is to create silence in the mind'. I want to talk as clearly & effectively as possible. Less words more understandings, few sentences deeper silence.

One thing that I'm learning is - Being Grateful. Being grateful for what I have & stop complaining about what I think I deserve. I would still strive for more however, with contentment & gratefulness for what I already have & less feverishness for what I want to achieve. Life is beautiful if I look at what I'd got than what I lack or what I should have. Choice is between a life of abundance or life of lack. As it's said "I complained about my shoes untill I saw a man with no feet". As the saying goes - 'Those who are grateful for what they have, will be given more...". Accept things as they are...

Time, an office boy & a king have same time - 24 hours in a day, it's how they use it, what they do in that time counts. That's what makes a king a king & the office boy an office boy. We complain of not having enough time to do things - esp. the things which we'd like to do the most or the things which are the most important. "Ohh I'd love to attend the course, I really need it too, I am so stressed out but I don't have time because...", "Ohh I'd love to learn dance/music/swimming, I've always wanted to since I was a kid but I don't have time because... Well then! Time flies anyway. It's 1 year since I did the course last year, 2 years since I joined my Co., 5 months since I wished Happy new year, this year, 3 months since the last advanced course & I don't know when the time just flew! I can't list 20 new things which I did in this time.! Sometimes we wish time to run, sometimes to stop, sometimes it crawls at it's own pace even when we want otherwise. In any case, it flies, it ain't coming back, so make the most of today. Do the things that you WANT to, instead of doing things that you HAVE to. Do what you want to & then do what you have to - to make it happen, to see it through.

Our belief creates our reality & if our beliefs aren't creating the reality we want, we better look into our beliefs & change them. Patterns of habits, of looking at & perceiving things, of reacting, of doing things, all are formed over certain period of time. Become aware of those patterns. If certain patterns have not worked in the past change them to create a new present or better future. A belief can either limit you or free you, expand your horizons or imprison you. Broaden your vision.

Zindagi Rocks! Posted by In Search Of Myself , Friday, May 4, 2007 at 6:29 PM, in

Yes!+ got over on Wednesday. This was by far THE best course by Rajesh bhaiya. And as I mentioned earlier, first one in which I did a lot of work including conducting Surya Namaskar's & getting & managing divine shop.

The added bonanza was the surprise presence of Dinesh bhaiya. He has been invited by Virginia tech University to bring peace & strength to the friends & family of it's students. He had to complete Visa formalities the next day. I went to to the airport to pick him up alongwith 2 friends. We waited for about 20 minutes & the moment I saw Dinesh bhaiya - in white kurta, back pack, flowing hair, there was this gush of positive energy & happiness. Everybody was gazing at bhaiya wondering who is this angel with long flowing hair, beautiful smile, radiant face & a walk that says "I own the world" & at the same time "I belong to you". His presence is so positively powerful. We literally flew back to the course - courtesy momo, as it was already late in the night. Bhaiya spoke to the participants for about 15-20 minutes & that was enough to spread his charisma around.

Learnt a lot in this course even though I was suffering from viral fever. First time I gave 100% in all the processes.

Some of the points which I would remember are:

- Neither demand nor offer explainations in a relationship.
- Demand destroys love.
- True love is knowing that the person you love is neither yours, nor can be taken away from you.
- Know that you are blessed. This is all you have to do. On this path if you take 1 step divine will take 100 steps for you. Know that you are taken care of.
- Ego is nothing but not being natural, not being in your nature.
- Belongingness reduces ego.
- A, B & C of life.
Awareness of self, thoughts, feelings & fact that everything changes.
Belongingness to others, with love.
Commitment before feelings.
- Youth is Autheniticity, Intensity & enthusiasm.

- Learnt few things about managing & getting things done.

- If you cannot see God in the next person you see, you will not see god ever.

- Love & respect does not mean obedience.

- Some virtues we have to assume we already have, to cultivate them.

- Responsibilty=Power; Irresponsibility=Complaints

- Be grateful - you'll stop blaming & grumbling. Be grateful for what you have, no matter how little it is, you'll be given more.

- Make Guru your priority, rest will fall into place. Be with the light of knowledge.

- SHOW anger if you have to, but don't GET angry. Be Centered.

- Grace is what follows after you've given your 100% & surrendered the feverishness for the result.

- Life is a game. It's a ball to play with. Don't take life too seriously. When you take life as a game you'll see that everything that happens is part of a game. As there are wins & losses in a game, so is their in life.

- There is right time for everything; right time to ponder big questions in life & time to enjoy the simple things in life.

- Things are as they are, we label them beautiful or ugly.

- In the realm of body effort is required, however in the realm of the mind effortlesness is the key.

My B'day wish, although did not come true, I am sure she remembered my B'day & thought about me - fondly or otherwise. Felt bad that night as I was hoping for a week that she'll at least wish me in some way. Bhaiya asked, as if he knew, the next day "how many of you were able to maintain the smile all day long." I replied that I lost it for about 15 minutes thinking about this but then thought of some of guruji's knowledge, let it go & got back to myself. He he, bhaiya said 'Tathastu' 15 minutes to be upset is granted. :) Bhaiya has such sharp, clear, soulful eyes that it was impossible for me to look directly into them for more then a few seconds!

Last day, people hugging each other, posing for snaps, tears in the eyes, contentment of completeness on the glowing happy faces - all reminded of my own course done May last year, with her.

"Suppose quesions get suppose answers with suppose meanings" - Bhaiya on being asked a hypothetical question. :)

Getting ready for the next course. It will be a blast again!

Day1 Posted by In Search Of Myself , Friday, April 27, 2007 at 11:34 PM, in

Day 1 of a brand spanking new course. This is going to be an intimate course of 15 people & bhaiya. For the 1st time I am involved in a course from the very beginning. I spoke to people about it, informed them about it, got a few registrations, gave suggestions for improvements, prepared the hall, made the participants comfortable etc. Bhaiya has viral fever, still the smile never fades, intensity is 100%. Amazing!

I remember the 1st course which I did, May last year. Differences in me, my desires, thoughts etc. since then.

Q1. What do I want in life? (Be as specific as possible)

Ans, Then: Peace of mind, forgetting & letting go of certain feelings, events, people from my life, clarity, see things in proper perspective, finding my purpose.

Ans, Now: Car - Palio or Chevrolet-UVA, lots of new clothes esp. Kurtas, Laptop Dell or HP or Compaq with big screen 1 GB RAM SB-Live ATI-Radeon, letting go of things, being detached or dispassionate after helping someone & from results of any task I undertake, loving her unconditionally, being more assertive & comfortable esp. in a group.

Q2. What bothers you in life?

Ans, Then: Liars, arrogant & selfish people, street children's mentally & physically challenged children's, population, traffic, pollution.

Ans, Now: Nothing that is outside of me bothers me! I am bothered by my own wrong/immature/sub-conscious choices & attitudes, reactions/responses to events/people. However they may be - wrong/right, bad/good I am bothered by how I take them, how I perceive them. When I haven't given my 100%. The way things are with her.

Q3. What do I expect out of this course?

Ans, Then: All the things mentioned in Ans 1.

Ans, Now: Nothing. Just listen without judgments (art of listening), be 100% in all the processes, be aware & in the present moment.

Let's see how it goes...